•Just hopeful•

Chapter 10: Forgiveness

Today was my first day of chemotherapy, I was really scared, I once read a book about a girl who was also diagnosed with leukemia and how the chemo burned and that one of her livers stopped functioning. There's nothing to sugarcoat about cancer really, it's either win the battle or die. I'm still in pain for what Chloe did to me, but the real question that's ringing in my mind is that what was the reason behind all this. I realized what wrong things I'm doing to myself, I'm giving more than I'm taking, I'm forgiving more than I get treated that well, I'm nice to people who hurt me, I do many things to people and don't expect anything in return unlike other people.
The view in from the window of the room that I'm in at the hospital is very much nothing but the wall of a house, a white rusty wall.
There was an old man that is also suffering from leukemia next to me, only a curtain is separating us and when the chemo was hurting me he was telling me
"It's going to be okay, always remember that, I've been fighting cancer for 6 years and I keep repeating that sentence in my mind, it's helping me a lot" he said.
We were talking even though we couldn't see each other, we could only hear each other's voices.
"Thank you very much, I hope you get better, may I please know your name, sir?" I asked
"My name is Mathew, what's yours?"
"Nice to meet you Sir Mathew, and my name is Meredith"
"Nice to meet you too! You can call me by my name it's okay,"
"Sure! I have a question, may I ask?"
"Of course go ahead!"
"What can you see from your window? Mine is dull, it's just a white wall blocking the view," I said.
"I see the waves of the sea splashing, two kids playing with a kite, others are walking beside the beach, some kids are building a sandcastle and some are laughing, such an amazing view,"
"Wow I already imagined it, I bet it helps you wake up bright and happy,"
"It does it does," he replied
I love how descriptive he was, how optimistic, I felt that I wasn't isolated, that I was battling with somebody, it felt like he was my grandpa, he cares, and not many people care in this world, I felt as if God sent me someone similar to my grandad. Even though faces don't meet, the thoughts do.

I'm exhausted, the chemotherapy is burning my chest, it's painful, but not as painful as what Chloe did to me... I can't seem to get over it, for many years we've been friends, sometimes best friends are not even your friends they just plan on breaking you regardless the problems you go through, these are who I call the detour, they give in with you for long long times and then what happens? You reach to a dead end road. I don't trust this community. Body shaming, being racist, expecting everyone to be and look perfect. Such a fake world.
*Door opens*
Chloe: heyy, I miss you so much! How are you?
I stayed silent.
Chloe:" I asked my mom to take me here, it took us a long time but it's because we don't have school today,"
Me:"yeah,"
Chloe:" what's wrong?"
Me:" go ask yourself"
Chloe:" what? What did I even do?!"
Me: "please leave, I'm tired," I took a deep breath and looked to the other side.
Chloe:"what's wrong???"
Me:" Leave,"
Chloe:" I'm not leaving until you tell me,"
Me:" fine, here's my phone, look at the chat,"
She read and listened to everything.
Me:" I assume you're very happy, apparently I'm not enough or you just want to help her ruin my life, that's okay, at least I now know who you really are, please leave,"
Chloe:" I can't believe she did that, I don't know what to say!"
Me:" I'm asking you nicely to leave,"
Chloe:" so you don't believe me?"
Me:" sorry but I don't, I forgive you even though you broke the trust that I gave you, thanks,"
Chloe:" how great would it be for a car to run you over, amazing. Everything Savannah said is true, you are ugly, you are worthless, I don't even want to waste a second with you anymore,"
Me:" I'm so disappointed and so shocked in how much you have changed..." I said in a low tone
Chloe:" whatever! You don't deserve anything,"
*Rolls eyes and leaves*
Me:" Help me," I said looking up.
Mathew: " I'm sorry Meredith..."
Me:" you heard everything?!?!"
Mathew:" every single bit, you need to talk to your parents,"
Me:" I can't..."
Mathew:" I was going to talk to her but I wanted you to stand up for yourself because if you don't she'll think you're weak and she'll use her power on you, I'm really sorry,"
Me:" it's fine,"
Mathew:" where are your parents or siblings?"
Me:" my parents have been at work ever since the doctor told them what I was diagnosed with, my brother was here last night but I don't know, I tried to call but nobody answered,"
Mathew:" I'll be here if you need me,"
Me:" thank you I appreciate it, me too,"
Mathew:" you're welcome, you should sleep now,"
Me;"yeah I will soon, good night,"
Mathew:" good night."
I'm worried about hunter, he's not replying, I didn't see him today either, and I'm all alone, he would never leave me alone, I don't know what's going on, I hope everyone is ok.
Dear grandpa, I hope that you're happier in heaven.
Dear grandma, I miss you and love you and I hope everything is well back home.
Dear Mom, I love you and thank you for everything, you're the best, I miss you, thank you for your support.
Dear dad, I love you and I appreciate all the work you do, thank you for your support.
Dear hunter, my best friend, and brother. I couldn't thank you enough for all the times you supported me.
Dear best friend, I know the person that came to me today is not you, I know you're somebody else deep down inside and I forgive you for everything regardless everything.