•Just hopeful•

Part 12: Long nights

It's 2 am now and I can't sleep, although hunter was asleep, he is a deep sleeper as well so I'm not concerned about waking him up. I opened the small spotlight beside me and looked at the ceiling. I looked at my younger self, I remember when I was about four years old, my cousins and I went to the park I don't quite remember but I think I met a girl called Lilly, we were chasing each other around for no reason then suddenly we heard the ice cream truck,
"Okay okay I'm going to tell you something Meredith! Let's see who can get faster to the ice cream truck! 1, 2, threeeeee. Ready or not here I come!"
Said Lilly.
I used to see her quite a few times whenever I go to the park and she used to be really fun to play with, the only reason that I remember this is that because I took a chocolate flavored ice cream with sprinkles and I don't know how but I thought that sprinkles were rain that came from a rainbow and then Lilly laughed at me and told me that it was edible and so we laughed so much.
"Are you still awake Meredith?" I snapped out of my day dream
"Yeah yeah I'm awake, why are you still awake Sir Mathew?"
"I just can't sleep."
*phone notification*
Hey, I don't think you know me but anyways, I'm sorry if this makes you feel sad in any way but someone posted a video online about you, I don't know who did it exactly but it got many views and you know how Savannah is popular so everything she laughs at the whole school laughs at. It's called The death of Meredith.

What? The death of Meredith? How come? I'm still here, I hope it's not too bad, oh god help me! I opened the video and listened to every word:
"The death of Meredith, such a great title, meredith and death match so perfectly also they sound great together. Let's get to the point, apparently Meredith bullied me and pushed me off the stairs second day of school I mean who does that, she thinks she's so cool, so chill, so miss popular, well she's craving for attention. Stay away from her, it's already enough that she's ugly, I guess there are people that are ugly inside out, just like her. Stay away from her, bye now."

"Meredith?!" Said Mathew
"Uhh yeah yeah?"
"Are you okay?"
"Perfect."
Perfectly broken? Perfectly torn? Perfectly hurt? If you're asking about those then you're right. I was aware that sir Mathew was awake, I removed the IV tube that connects the needle to the Celine to "go to the bathroom", I looked outside to check if anyone was there, nobody was there. I walked out with my hospital pj and purple crocks and my medium brown hair open.
"Oh my god not now!" I said in pain, my chest was shocking me somehow, I couldn't handle it, I was shaky, maybe it's because of the leukemia? Maybe because of the stress? I am not certain, not really sure. I pressed my hand on the wall trying to resist and get up but I couldn't, I sat down on the floor , I was not even halfway to the bathroom, tears started rolling down my cheeks, tears of pain. The pain made me loose the ability to feel, loose the ability to hear, then loose sight, the last thing I heard was a door open. I passed out.

The nurse lifted my legs up so that the blood could go back to my body, then took me to the room and I slept. I don't know why I'm passing out a lot these days, it could be because of the cancer, or maybe because now that I'm weak and I've lost a few pounds? I dreamt of something scary tonight, I woke up with tears, I'm not sure why. Then I took a deep breath and sat up and looked at my watch, it was 3 am with another message from the same number:
I'm sorry for sending you this...
"Meredith, are you still awake?"
"Yeah I am... Well, I just woke up, please tell me, what can you see out the window?"
"I see people sitting in front of the sea, they're probably struggling or letting their feelings out or who knows the sound of the waves might be the reason of their inner peace. And I see brave people, and people who are reading and smiling at the books as if they were in it, not aware of anything as if the book and themselves are the only ones in the place. I see those walking beside the sea with a dear friend, laughing and making memories. And I see an old man looking at the stars happily, and I see you my dear, Meredith, I see you being every personality of every happy person there, I see you changing in the future, I see a big amount of hope in you,"
"Woah. And I'm 'just hoping', thank you very much, I feel like I'm in peace at the moment, I really wish you the best, I hope that someone can make you happy as much as you make others happy, or at least smile. I'm a little tired now. We should continue our conversation tomorrow I hope, good night,"
"Good night Meredith Hayes."