Cognizant (Adopted By Alex Gaskarth: Book 2)✅

Chapter 16

After Dear Maria, the band thanked the crowd, running around and dancing before coming off stage. Alex gave me a tight hug as he walked backstage, sweat dripping off his face. Jack, Zack, and Rian all gave me a brief hug, too, also gushing sweat from their pores. I helped the band and crew pick up their own equipment and bring it back to the bus. 

As we strapped the last guitar into the back, I went off to find where Alex had gone. I found him in the bus with the others, walking to his bunk. The others sat in the air conditioning of the front lounge, tiredly talking. 

"Shit," Alex mumbled as he went through his bag. 

"Did you lose something," I asked to act completely oblivious.

"I don't know, I probably dropped it, it's not that big of a deal. It was just a pair of socks," he  lied. 

"Oh, I know what you're talking about," I went with his story. "I think I saw it in here." I walked to the back lounge, watching him from the corner of my eye as I passed him, and he hesitantly followed. Once we stepped into the tour bus's back lounge, I scanned across the couch as if looking for something. I slid my hand into my pocket. "Is this it?"

Alex made an obviously unamused face and tried to swipe the blade from my hand. I pulled it back and crossed my arms. "Why do you need it?"

"Because I was trying to make sure you didn't get to another blade again," he lied again.

"Then why did you take it from a pencil sharpener? And if that was true, why didn't you flush it or throw it out? And why did you use it?"

"What do you mean 'why did I use it?' I didn't!" He tried to keep his voice quiet to avoid the others hearing. 

"Then what were the cuts I saw on your wrist before Missing You?"

"Ad, I appreciate you trying to watch out for me, I really do, but it's not your responsibility to keep me from doing stuff," he retorted, crossing his arms. 

"Well, obviously someone has to. I don't care if it's my 'responsibility' or not,  I'm not going to let you keep doing this. I thought you stopped!"

"Well, you thought wrong. And it doesn't matter."

"How the hell does it not matter?" I made a gesture with my hands before dropping them to my sides, the small blade still in my left hand. 

"Because it doesn't, okay?" He had tears in his eyes as he spoke. "Like I said, I appreciate you trying to watch out for me, but it doesn't matter what happens to me." I felt the blade being taken from my hand, and I could only watch as Alex shoved his hands into his hoodie pockets and left the bus.

"What," I breathed out in disbelief.

He left his medication at home. 

I remembered all of Alex's mood swings and tiredness since we left Baltimore. I then recalled us trying to pack last-minute to catch our plane on time. He never once went into the kitchen to get his own medications. That's why he's been so depressed. 

"Jack," I called out quickly as I went to the front of the bus.

"Yeah, what's up," he answered from the front lounge couch, drinking a beer. 

"Is there a Rite-Aid near here?"

"Yeah, I think we passed by one just down Clybourn Avenue, why?"

"Thanks," I replied quickly, grabbing the keys to the bus van and leaving. I ran outside, looking around the venue for Alex. He wasn't inside the venue, so I began frantically looking outside the gates. I finally found him sitting huddled against a tree far out from the gates. 

"Dad," I called out. I saw he still had the blade in his hand. He looked up, his eyes red and swollen from crying. I held my hand out. "Blade." He shook his head. 

"Go away, Adelpha, go have fun with the others."

"Blade," I repeated. Alex sighed and dropped the piece of metal into my open hand. I placed it into my pocket and held my hand out again. "Come on."

"What?" He stood with my help, but didn't go anywhere. 

"We have to pick up a refill of your meds, you haven't been taking them since we got here yesterday."

"Why the hell does it matter if I take my meds," he mumbled, although he continued following me. 

"Because you've been on them for a while and they've been helping, you haven't been taking them, and you need to. I only have mine, we need to call and get yours because we won't get home for at least another three days."

Alex shrugged, letting me pull myself into the driver's seat of the van and climbing into the passenger seat. I had him take his phone out and call Rite-Aid to fill his prescription. After he hung up, we sat in silence for a few moments as I drove. "Adelpha, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"You shouldn't have to deal with that." He rubbed his face. "I don't know what my problem is, I've just..." He trailed off for a moment. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"It's not okay. You need a parent to take care of you and help you, not the other way around. I'm a grown man, I shouldn't need the help."

"Everyone needs help and support, sometimes, no matter what. And you do take care of me and help me."

We continued in silence down the road until I chirped "At least you can't tell me I should at least wait until I get my permit to drive, now that I have my provisional license."

Alex chuckled at this. "Yeah, you're right.... Does this mean I'm old?"

"As fuck." We giggled at our stupid jokes at each other.