Cognizant (Adopted By Alex Gaskarth: Book 2)✅

Chapter 1

I slowly forced myself out of bed, my ears ringing from the performance only several hours ago. I blinked repeatedly as my eyes adjusted to the light pouring through the blinds. The quiet sounds of Lisa walking around downstairs floated up to the bedroom, and I began making my way down the hall and down the stairs. 

"Morning, babe," Lisa greeted kindly, her soft lips pressing against mine as she ran her hands through my disheveled brown hair. 

"Morning," I whispered between soft kisses. 

"You sleep okay?" 

"Mhm." 

"You sure?" She looked up at me, concerned, wrapping her short arms around my torso. 

"Yeah, of course," I replied softly, wrapping my arms around her and resting my forehead against hers. 

"You know, I can tell when you're lying." 

I hummed softly. "Don't worry, babe, I'm fine." 

Lisa pouted and looked up at me again. "No, you're not." 

I smiled down at her. "Don't worry," I repeated, pressing my lips against hers, slightly more roughly now as I gently pressed her down to the couch. 

.

I pressed my face into the crook of Lisa's neck as she watched the television screen, absentmindedly running one hand through my hair. 

"I love you," I mumbled against her soft pale skin. 

I felt her face muscles move as she smiled and pressed the side of her face against my hair. "I love you, too," she whispered.  

I rubbed her small fragile hands in my larger calloused ones slowly as she cuddled tighter against me. Her warm fingers trailed up and around my palm, tickling the skin. I sighed and relaxed against her, my eyes tiredly shut. 

"Alex," Lisa's upset tone rang. "Are you sure you're okay?" 

"Mhm," I mumbled. 

"Alex, I'm serious." She nudged her shoulder at me as she sat up straight to look at me. "You relapsed." 

Lisa took my left hand in her two small ones. Before she had the chance the completely lift up my sweater sleeve, I took my arm away and held my arms loosely to my torso in a small self-hug as I crossed my legs. 

"I'm fine, baby, don't worry," I gave her a small smile and kissed her frown. 

"Alex, you promised me that you'd talk to me before hurting yourself again," Lisa recalled. She picked up my arm again from my stomach and lifted the sleeve. Over a few old and crooked scars on my upper wrist, two scarlet red lines made themselves obviously visible. 

"Lisa," I whispered. "I-I'm so sorry." 

The short woman reached forward and hugged me tightly. "Alex, I know it's been rough for you for the past year and a half, but this isn't good for you."

I rested my head on her shoulder, hugging her back.

Why can I only ever think about myself?

Idiot. Idiot!

"Please don't do this to yourself anymore, baby," she whispered. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I mumbled into her cotton shirt.

Lisa began to push herself to her feet, keeping her face level to mine to press her lips to mine as she stood.

"I'll be right back," she told me softly, gently swiping her soft hand across the little bit of scruff on my face.

I hummed tiredly in response, turning my head and watching as she padded upstairs, her wavy hazel hair bouncing with each step. Only minutes later, she came back down the stairs with a few small objects in her hands. Lisa sat back down in front of me on the couch, setting the objects down in her lap. She held up a cotton ball, dabbing it with a miniature bottle of hydrogen peroxide. She held out her other hand, motioning for me to give her my wrist.

I sighed and put my hand in hers, palm up. She lifted the sleeve and began cleaning the wounds, the openings in my wrist beginning to bubble as the substrate hit them. Once Lisa was satisfied in how clean the cuts were, she began wrapping my arm in white gauze. She cut off the end and tied off the bandage, then pushed the objects to her side as she sat on my lap.

"'Lex, I know how close you were to... To Ad, and it makes it worse with what happened to your brother, but it's not your fault. There's nothing you could do."

It is my fault. Two people who were close to me passed, who's fault would it be?

"Yeah," I breathed out, hugging Lisa and burying my face in her shoulder as she wrapped her arms around my neck.

.

I stood up from the bed, my joints popping and cracking as I stretched and twisted. The carpeted floor creaked as I walked around the bed to find my sweatpants from the floor, where they had been thrown the night before. I slipped the dark blue material on, and traveled back over to where Lisa had woken up on her side of the bed. I leaned over and hovered over her on the bed, holding myself on my elbows. Our lips connected softly, and I pushed closer to her, almost laying with my weight on her.

"Hi," I mumbled to her.

"Hi," she mumbled back, her hands slowly running down my bare chest and down to my hips. I buried my face in her neck, kissing along it and getting lost in her scent. Her muscles completely relaxed as I kissed along her neck and collarbone, my hands running over her small body.

"I'm gonna go make us some breakfast," I told her softly. "M'kay?"

"Okay," she breathed out.

I smiled and pecked her on the lips once more before beginning to stand. "I'll be right back, I'll tell you when its done."

Lisa smiled up at me in appreciation. I grinned and turned to walk downstairs.

.

As I finished my cooking and began washing my hands off, I felt arms reach from behind me and hug me. I dried my hands on a nearby towel and turned to see Lisa.

"Hey." I affectionately rubbed my nose against hers, putting my hands on her hips.

"Hey," she replied. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah," I exhaled. "I'm good."

She took my hands in hers, looking at the scars on my wrists. They were pale from lack of sunlight, even though I left the house constantly. The sheet whiteness of the skin only made the few crooked lines more visible. The bandages had been taken off since I had stopped bleeding.

"You let them heal," Lisa commented. "That's good. Means you're over two weeks clean." She smiled up at me.

"Yeah," I smiled back at her enthusiasm.

Her grin widened and I kissed her, thankful to have her in my life.

Not someone like her.

Just her.

The doorbell rang from outside. I kissed Lisa again. "I'll get it. You sit your beautiful ass down, I'll be right back."

Lisa giggled and nodded as she sat down. I passed through the living room, picking up a t-shirt from the couch and sliding it on, hoping whoever at the door wouldn't notice the mark I had made when I took a nap in the shirt yesterday and drooled all over the black sleeve.

There was a knock at the door. It was hesitant and shaky, quiet and soft.

"Hang on, I'm coming," I called out to them.

I opened the door, and a wave cool autumn air floated through.

It was a girl. A teenager, shaky, messy, scratched up. She had black hair and she was too skinny for anybody to be, the bones in her face sticking out slightly from malnutrition. I didn't recognize her.

But then I looked into her eyes.

Green. Bright green, like the Granny Smith apples you could find fresh at the store.

"A-Adelpha?"