Cognizant (Adopted By Alex Gaskarth: Book 2)✅

Chapter 17

"You okay?" I looked up from the couch to check on Alex.

"Ad, I'm okay," he replied with a smile, "Don't worry."

After Alex's incident with his not taking his medication, I had carefully watched him throughout the day, even during All Time Low's second performance for the music festival. I nodded, looking back down at my phone. My head jerked forwards into my sleeve as I was forced to sneeze aggressively. I took a sharp inhale and shook my head, blinking.

Alex chuckled. "You okay, kid?"

"Mhm," I hummed groggily, violently sneezing twice more. I shook my head and coughed.

"I'm dying," I rasped, spit and mucus stuck in the back of my throat. I finally was able to clear my throat. I blinked away tears that had begun to form in my sneezing and coughing fit. "And that was my impression of a metal screamer getting allergies during a show," I joked with a scratchy throat.

Alex chuckled again before telling me "Your allergies seem to have been getting worse. Go take some Allegra, I think there's some in my bag."

"I can't. Allegra messes with my fluoxetine."

"Oh, yeah, is there anything you can take, then?"

"I don't know, it's okay, though."

.

Alex Gaskarth's POV:

I ran my hand through my hair, watching the Deathnote episode on television as I waited for Adelpha to get home from school. She came through the front door, skipping to the couch. 

"Hey," she greeted as she gave me a hug.

"Hey, how was school?"

"Good. Although I didn't understand the math, so the teacher had to sum it up for me."

I chuckled. "Goddammit, Ad." She giggled as she went to go do her homework.

"And I know you ain't watchin' Deathnote without me," she called jokingly as she went up the stairs.

Hours passed as Adelpha finished her homework. I grew a little worried, knowing she only usually took a couple hours, if that, to finish her homework before coming downstairs, unless she had been doing it down here. Even if she was studying, she didn't take four hours to do so.

I hope she's not overworking herself.

She's not.... Hurting herself, is she? No. She couldn't be.

Before I could come to a decision on what she could be doing and whether I should risk interrupting her studying to check on her, soft footsteps came down the stairs. They were timid and shy, and I could tell without looking up that something was wrong. Adelpha usually padded quickly down the stairs before jumping down the last three. I looked up to see her, marks where tears had been falling from her eyes, which were now bloodshot. 

"Ad, what's wrong?" I sat up, ready for what might happen. She sat down on the couch across from me, setting a bottle down on the coffee table between us. It was a medicine bottle, orange, like for ones filled with prescription medications, but had absolutely no label. Four small round blue pills sat at the bottom. I knew immediately that they were some type of drug. I didn't want to push her, knowing she would tell me. So I waited for a moment before she began speaking. 

"It's PMMA," she stated. "I got it and was going to take it.... But I don't know."

I had never heard of PMMA. "What is it," I asked softly. 

"Polymethyl methacrylate. Just a bit can kill you... That's... That's why I got it, j-just last week."

"W-Where did you get it? We were at the Rock Sound fest last week."

"While you guys were backstage," she answered quietly, barely loud enough for me to hear. "I-It's hard to get in America because of its kill rate, but I knew where I could find stuff. The guy gave it to me pretty cheap, too, because he knows what it does."

Why the hell do I never notice these things? What kind of shit parent am I?

"Have you taken any?"

Adelpha shook her head, tears beginning to fall from her eyes again. "I-I wanted to, I was going to, but I..."

"Ad, why would you want to do this to yourself?" I pushed myself over to sit next to the small teenager. 

"Be-Because all of this is my fault! If you had never adopted me, you wouldn't be so depressed and stressed out now. Or if I wasn't just such a fucking depressing freak, maybe. I still can't figure out why you would adopt me over other kids, and now that you have, it's too late for me to turn back and... and just fucking die because you blamed yourself last time, and I don't want you to now!" Soft sobs began shaking her body. I pulled her close to me, letting her small body lean against me as I hugged her tightly.

"Ad, I adopted you because I felt a connection with you when we met. Not because you were an All Time Low fan, but because I knew you were different. You could enjoy the little things in life because they weren't things you grew up having. You could have so much more fun on tour or at home and have a family. You aren't a depressing freak, and you're the reason I'm not as depressed as I could be. My anxiety got worse over a couple years and I wanted to mean more in life than just music. That's why I adopted. I adopted you because of that connection and because I knew we could help each other out. I wish you hadn't felt like you were better off dead or hurt like you were, but that's one of the reasons I wanted to help you, and I still do. It's not your fault, and I know you probably don't believe me, but none of this is your fault." I became closer to crying with each word. By the time I had finished speaking, tears were falling freely down my face silently. "Okay?"

A small hiccup shook Adelpha's body before she answered a quiet "Okay," then hugged me back.

"And I am so glad you came to talk to me and give me these before you took any, otherwise I might not have gotten the chance to tell you that, so thank you," I told her softly after a moment. 

"Thank you," she whispered.