Broken Lanterns [ZIAM]

[6] - Darkness And Nightmares

          That night Zayn is sitting on his new bed in his new room and loving every second of it. His drawings are laid out in front of him and his face and hands are covered in charcoal and pencil lead. He feels warm, full, and clean. This combination of feelings is lulling him to sleep but he just wants to continue with his sketches of Liam. He never had such a model to draw, such a perfect picture to replicate. Liam has the perfect eyes, the best shoulders, the most defined collar bone. His arms are strong and his eyes crinkle a little at the sides when he smiles. And the sound of his laugh could cure cancer. That’s what Zayn thinks at least. He thinks that Liam is perfect and beautiful, and that everything he does is a miracle from God.

            There is knock on the door, “Zayn? It’s me,” Liam’s head peaks his head inside and he smiles, “Can I come in?” Zayn pushes all of the sketches behind his bed in a rush to hide them and nods. Liam doesn’t seem to notice Zayn’s rush to hide the drawings, he only wanders over to Zayn’s bed and sits on the edge with a small smile and a sigh, “I just wanted to say goodnight. I’m heading to bed,”

            Zayn nods and rubs his eyes, watching as Liam leans forward and gives him a sideways hug. Then Liam stands and gives Zayn yet another smile. It’s becoming a normal thing for Liam to smile at Zayn. It’s Liam’s way of reminding Zayn how special he is and how much he belongs here. Before Zayn knows it Liam is walking from the room with a bounce in his step. Zayn giggles a little as he watches Liam close the door gently. He turns back to finish his sketch of Liam he had been working on, but he pushed them behind the bed and retrieving them would take a really long time. Zayn is too tired for that and too lazy right now. So instead, he wipes his hands and face and turns off the light, rolling over on his sides and pulling the blanket over him.

            It’s just so comfortable.

He falls asleep in seconds.

            “Zayn,”

            Zayn’s heart is pounding in his throat and he is staring into darkness and nothing, it all seems so vague.

            “Go away, please, go away,” It’s a beg. A plea. It reminds him of the exact same way he sounded all that time ago when his family was killed, right in front of him. Right in front of him. Right in front of him.

            “Your family is dead, do you see this,” The voice sounds like a serpent, “I can do the exact same thing to you,”

            “Then do it!” Zayn is screaming, tears pour down his face and his head feels like it’s going to explode, “Kill me. Just do it. I have nothing left without them. I am nothing. Just kill me. Please, kill me,”

            “I can’t do that,” The voice continues, “You’re too young. You’ve done nothing wrong,”

            “Neither has my family!”

            The man is only a shadowy figure standing in the corner covered in blood. Zayn sees he’s powerless. This can’t be real. But then why does it feel like this?

            “You’re never going to forget this,” The man says, “And it’s all because of me,”

            “I hate you,”

            “Oh, I’m sure you do,”

            A scream escapes through Zayn’s lips and he snaps out of the nightmare. His throat feels raw and dry. Sweat is covering his body and his heart is about to jump out of his chest, he is sure of it. Within seconds of screaming, the door of Zayn’s room bursts open and Liam is there, eyes wide and face scared. It’s really amazing how quickly Liam woke and ran to Zayn’s rescue. Zayn is surprised he even came at all. [Normally the families just ignore his nightmares or tell him to not drink apple juice right before bed, “It will give you terrible vivid dreams, Zayn.” But it’s all a bunch of shit. Zayn has these dreams almost every single night, and always has since that night all those years ago.]

            “Are you okay?” Liam seems so worried. He runs to Zayn’s side and grabs his hand, “Zayn? Are you okay?” His fingers feel nice and cool in between Zayn’s. Liam keeps repeating his words over and over, staring straight into the golden eyes beside him. All Zayn can do is stare at Liam and try to get his heart back under control. His mind is swimming from images from his nightmare and he notices how much his hands are shaking. “Zayn, please, nod, do something? Are you okay?” Zayn can’t do anything. He is frozen, staring at his hand in Liam’s and he clenches his eyes shut and whimpers. Somehow, Liam crawls up onto Zayn’s bed next to him. “Are you okay?” Liam doesn’t stop asking in small whispers over and over until Zayn finally looks him in the eye, swallows, and nods a little bit. “Thank God,” Liam pulls Zayn in for a hug and his arms and so strong, Zayn melts into them. “Shh,”

            Liam begins to hum gently, and Zayn relaxes into his arms more and more. Neither of them even knows how long they lay there. It could have been minutes, maybe hours. Does that even matter in the end? Eventually, Zayn is fast asleep, as if he never had a nightmare in the first place. Liam takes a deep breath and lays Zayn down on his pillow, tucking the covers in around his legs.

            That’s when Liam notices the papers hidden behind Zayn’s bed.

            He reaches forward and pulls the pieces of thick paper from in between the wall and the box spring. It’s too dark to see them where he is standing, so Liam wanders quietly over to the window, where a little bit of moonlight is slipping in. When he finally is able to see what’s on the papers, his heart begins to pound. They are sketches, drawings, and paintings. Beautiful scenes of the view from the window and trees. But that’s not all.

            They are drawings of Liam. Liam in different lighting. Liam in his swim trunks. Liam bent over and staring down through the paper. Liam laughing. Liam standing silently and looking off into space. So many pictures of Liam.

            Liam doesn’t really understand any of this. Zayn has been drawing him? Why on earth would he do that? What’s so special about Liam anyway? Liam runs his fingers across the paper. The charcoal and pencil shading is flawless. And the perfectly crisp papers are so textured and smooth at the same time. He knows he needs to return them to where they belong. Zayn was obviously hiding them. He didn’t want anyone to see.

            Slowly and carefully, making sure not to wake Zayn, Liam returns the drawings to the space between the bed and the wall.

            “Sleep well Zayn,” Liam whispers quietly and smiles down on his new brother. Zayn is completely silent, peaceful, his eyes shut and his chest moving slowly. It’s a beautiful calm that makes Liam want to lay down beside him and stay there forever.

 But Liam can’t do that. Instead, Liam leaves without another word, his head is swarming with images of Zayn’s drawings, and the way Zayn screamed out and cried. Both were things Liam had never seen before, and he’s not sure if he ever wants to see them again.

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Written by Anonymous43

The ball's rollin' guys! Things may be happening soon. You never know.

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