Faded (A Harry Styles Fanfiction)

Chapter Nineteen

"Merry Christmas sunshine," Harry's voice echoed through the room and I groaned and blinked.

"What time is it?" I asked sitting up a little more and saw the plate in his hand.

"8, I made you breakfast," he smiled and I gave him a weak smile before accepting the plate.

"Thank you, but why so early, you're like a little kid," I smiled and took a piece of the crispy bacon in my mouth.

"I can never sleep in on Christmas, it's just something I'm used to," he admitted and leaned back next to me.

"Are you sure Gemma and your mom are gonna like their gifts?" I asked thinking about going shopping with Harry last week and him not knowing what they liked and just saying 'yeah sure' to everything I suggested.

"I'm positive," he grinned, and I returned the grin. I really hope they do, I know it's nothing much but it's the least I could do to thank them for letting me intrude on their family time. I try not to thank Anne at every possible moment I can because Harry rolls his eyes at me.

Harry pulled me out of bed the second I finished my delicious breakfast and we all sat down around the Christmas tree we all decorated. Nothing makes me smile more than the picture of Harry in Kindergarten with his hands up showing the paint that stains his fingers and a cheeky, familiar grin that brightens his entire face in the center of a wooden Christmas tree that I can assume he painted, that hangs down on the tree. I smiled down at gifts I wrapped under the tree and then turn to watch as Anne joins us and uses the couch to lower herself down next to Gemma with a cup of coffee in one hand.

"Alright, shall we distribute the gifts now?" Anne says much too cheerfully considering the time.

We all smile and nod as Gemma grabs a handful of gifts and Harry does the same. To my surprise, I got five gifts. I looked down at my pile then up at Harry. My mouth wide open as he smiled.

"You really didn't think you'd go this Christmas without getting any gifts did you?" He beamed. I smiled and ignored him because that's exactly what I expected.

We all took our time to open our gifts one by one and I watched closely as everyone opened the gifts I gave them. Anne gave me a warm smile then quickly pulled me in for a hug then Gemma pulled me away from Anne and gave me a hug as well when they were done. Harry held the gift in his hand and then looked up at me. I smiled down at the book in his hands, the book he had mentioned to me once that he had never read but really enjoyed the movie, The Outsiders.

"Wow, just, wow, thank you so much," he smiled and flipped through some pages, and saw the highlighted parts.

"Yeah, I wasn't sure if that would be too corny but I highlighted all my favorite parts and stuff," I half smiled and prayed he would like it. I don't have much money so I had limited options but I thought this would be a great idea for something short notice.

"No, it's not corny at all I really like it," he smiled and pulled me into a hug, harder than both Anne and Gemma's hugs combined. "Thank you," he whispered into my hair and then gave me a kiss on the cheek.

Gemma had gotten me a really pretty mint necklace she said would match my tight black shirt, and Anne made me a photo album of all the photos she had managed to sneak of Harry and I together whenever she could have, I guess. My favorite was a picture of Harry and I in the booth at the breakfast diner and it looked almost like a photo of a married couple you'd see in a magazine. Harry had gotten me an instant Polaroid camera, with film, and then a cute black purse because apparently I complained about how mine was "too big" and it is "broken" and "old." Which is true, my current purse has holes in it and is huge enough to fit anything I might need for an entire month. I thanked them all and gave them each a hug. It's surprising how easy they make it seem to welcome me to their home with open arms and hearts. I truly do feel welcome here and they already feel like a second family to me. More family than my own family that is.

But, something just didn't feel right. There was always part of me that wanted to just run away from them all and just go back to campus. Back to the life I had grown to tolerate. Back to the people that didn't give a shit about me and I didn't give a shit about them. A part of me had just grown to love being invisible and alone. Harry has affected me so much in the past few months and I'm not sure if I should thank him or tell him to fuck off. Luckily, I have grown numb to all feelings and emotions so it's easy for me to just blow off everything I'm feeling in the moment and just try to enjoy spending time with him, as much as I can.

Harry and I spent the evening hanging out around the house and watching Bob's Burgers. Harry compared me to Tina and I was half-offended, half-ecstatic. 

"Isn't it weird?" His eyes taking in the tiny flaws of my face.

"Isn't what weird?"

"That you went from finding me annoying, to loving me," he teased and smiled. My heart dropped to my stomach.

"Harry-"

"It's fine, you don't have to admit it, I can see it in your eyes," he smiled poking my cheek.

"Whatever you're seeing in my eyes, isn't love," I replied much too coldly and he set his hand in his lap.

"Okay," his voice cracking. I tried to fake him a smile but he turned away from me. 

I wanted to tell him it wasn't anything personal. I wanted to tell him that maybe one day I'd be able to love him, or to love in general. But, I kept my mouth shut and I watched as he blinked fast then got up. I reached up and took his hand in mine but he pulled away. I ruined it. I ruined it. I fucking ruined it. I ruin everything. I ruined the one thing good in my life. Here I am, sitting here watching him walk away from me, and I'm not doing a damn thing about it. 

"I'm sorry," I whispered as he left the room. All he was doing was mistaking lust for love, that's it. There's no way he could love someone like me. How can he love someone that hates herself? 

A/N:

Sorry for the short update because I've been gone for forever, but I thought I should at least update, BUT!!! Ahhh! so close to 100 votes wow that's incredible! i already have the ending all figured out and this fic is really close to being over :(((  This definitely isn't going to be the last work from me though! :D