Ben Simmons: When Two Worlds Become One

"Goodbye, Ben."

As soon as I climbed the stairs, I said goodnight to my parents and walked into my bedroom. The kiss kept replaying in my mind, but I tried to forget it. I tried to stop seeing it and feeling it on my lips. This is one of those times I really wish you could drink while pregnant. I pulled my heels off and sighed with relief as I walked across my white fluffy rug on flat feet. Heels while pregnant are the worst imaginable fashion choice. Even though I could feel my eyes getting heavy, I laid down on the bed and pulled up Siri. "Call Ben Simmons," I ordered. "Calling Ben Simmons mobile," she replied.

It rang two times, and then I heard his voice. As soon as I heard the familiar Australian accent say my name, my stomach twisted in knots. Damn, his voice. Even though my heart was fluttering and I felt melted and weak, I tried to remain stern and angry.

"Baby, let me apologize, please," he pleaded. "Do not call my baby," I mumbled. He took a deep breath. If he was going to have any small chance of winning me back, this was it. Ben, this better be good.

"Sara, I don't even know how to say I'm sorry because no words will ever accurately describe my anger towards myself for hurting you. I made a mistake, a big one. I'm not proud of it. I was selfish and got distracted by someone who didn't really care. I broke my promise to you. Remember when we had been dating for two weeks, and we were curled up in my bed in my dorm? I promised to never hurt you and protect you always. I had no idea I would have to protect you from myself. I'm sorry, I really am. I want you back. I want to marry the most beautiful, loving, kid, smart, perfect woman I've ever met. I want to come home to you and our baby every day and kiss you and play as a family. I want to make a huge mess in the kitchen while you try to teach me to cook. I want to have more babies with you. Never have I ever wanted something as bad as I want you. Sara, please give me another chance." 

I could hear the desperation in his voice. The right choice, for the baby, was to take him back. If I did, we could have a normal family and our baby would be raised in a stable family. I want that, but I can't marry someone who I don't trust. I never want to feel the need to read his messages or check his DMs or see where he really is when he says he's "staying late at the facility". I need to trust the person I commit the rest of my life to, and I don't trust Ben. But, no matter how much I don't trust him, I know I need to put the well-being of our child first.

"I appreciate you apologizing Ben. Unfortunately though, you should have thought about that before you embarrassed me and found someone who pleased you more than I do. I'm going to take some time, enjoy being home, and really think about what's best. Please do not contact me again. Goodbye, Ben."

I hated saying goodbye to someone I never imagined living without. When you love someone, you will do anything to make them happy, even if it means saying goodbye. 

I think it's time I let him go. And that's so hard for me to do, because some part of me will always be in love with him for the rest of my life. I will never forget the countless memories we made and the laughs we shared. Every time I look into our baby's eyes, I will be reminded of the greatest man I've ever known. There's no other man in the world I would rather my child have half their identity from. But the jealousy, the running in circles, it's not healthy. 

So this is me, cutting the cord. This is me doing what I never wanted to do, but the only thing right to do: saying goodbye.