Ben Simmons: When Two Worlds Become One

Fly High, Angel

There was a shriek. Ben and I both sat up, groggy and confused. Our natural instinct was to fling out of bed and race down the hall to see what happened. We could hear crying from inside Ben's parent's room. Ben knocked on the door aggressively, desperate to check on his family. His dad opened the door, eyes red and puffy. Inside, his grandparents were sitting on the bed with tears coming down their faces. Ashley was repeating the phrase 'This can't be happening' over and over and Liv came running in just behind us. "What's going on?" she asked.

Dave sat us down. Fear filled all of our bodies. I could tell by the expression on Ben's face that he was terrified of the next words to come out of his father's mouth. "It's Zachary. He was killed this morning." I felt sick. How could this be true? I had just seen Zach two days ago at the draft! I remember taking a picture of him and Ben together and having a conversation about the wedding and our plans for children. He was already looking forward to our nuptials and a little Simmons baby.

Liv broke down in a soft cry; I wrapped my arms around her torso and she buried her head in my shoulder. "How could this happen? He was so young! He was just here!" I whispered reassuring words into her ear, but I knew they were empty. No words I could say would help mask the devastation. In a time where there is supposed to be endless happiness - Ben making the draft and us getting engaged - we were suddenly thrown into the opposite. No one was happy. No one was smiling. No one was happy with life.

The worst part was, even though death is an agony filled tragedy and everyone who met the person one time feels pain, I felt like I couldn't. I had only known Zachary for six months. This family had known him for 21 years. How could I act like it affected me just as much as them when he was only in my life for a small fraction of time? They had grown up with them, they had seen his good moments and bad. I briefly met him in Australia and then again on Thursday. I would have to mask the pain I was feeling and put on a strong face for the group of people collapsing all around me.

Liv was sniffling and I could feel her wet tears dripping onto my skin. Ashley stood by the window, staring at nothing. Dave and Julie held hands and held one another. I felt a sudden push from the couch; a large amount of weight had just been lifted. That was Ben, who walked to the door and let it slam behind him. I was confused, I had never seen him like this. Ben was never afraid to talk about what he was feeling; he would show his soft side. But now, it appeared he was closing himself off from the world. 

Julie gave me a nod, signaling me it was best to go after him. I squeezed Liv tightly once more before excusing myself. I had no idea where Ben went; we really hadn't endured tragedy like this in our relationship before. Was he the type to leave the hotel and go for a walk? Was he the type to hop in a taxi and tell him to just drive? Was he the type to escape to his room? I had no idea.

I walked into our room, crossing my fingers he would be sprawled out on the bed staring at the ceiling. To my dismay, our bed was empty and the comforter was ruffled just as we left it. I changed out of my pink polka dot pajamas and thew on cut-off shorts and a white crop top. I slid my converse on and laced them up. Now I had to think: If I were Ben, where would I go? Immediately, I knew. I walked downstairs and flagged the closest taxi. "Where to ma'am?" he asked. "Take me to the Wells Fargo Center please." 

I stepped outside onto the concrete sidewalk outside of the arena. I circled the entire surroundings until I found the player's lot. The Sixers had given us badges for next season that would give us access into the arena and I was hoping they were programmed to work already. I dug around my purse until I found it and swiped the card. A little green light flashed and the door buzzed; I opened it before it had time to reset. Part of me wished we had already gotten a tour of the arena, because I had no idea where I was going. There were empty concession stands, and straight ahead was a staircase leading to the court. Maybe if I went down there, I could go through the tunnel and check to see if he was in the locker room. I walked towards the stairs, and when I got there, I saw Ben alone on the court shooting hoops. His movements were sloppy, his stance weak, and his focus minimal. Frustration loomed over him and hid the devastation he was feeling inside. 

I began walking down the many steps. Ben was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even notice my presence until I was standing directly behind him. His warm brown eyes that were always bright and sparkling were now grim, dark, and dull. They had a red tint and I knew he had been crying. I didn't know what to say, what words would do the situation justice, so instead of talking I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him. He broke down. It was the first time in our relationship I had seem him lose control of his emotions. Yes, during some of our bigger fights he got angry or sad, but this was different. 

We sat just left of center court, with my arms wrapped around him and his head buried in my chest, tears flowing down his beautiful skin. "If it weren't for me, he would still be here. He would still be alive. But he came to America to support me and now he's dead. It's all my fault." He said, raising his head up to look at me. I grabbed hold of his hand, "Ben, you can't blame yourself. Zachary came because he loves you and wanted to witness this pivotal moment in your life. He did it by choice. It is not your fault that a scum of a human hit him and fled. That is their mistake and one they have to live with for the rest of their life. Just think about it this way, Zach is your guardian angel now. He will get to watch you and protect you from Heaven." 

We sat in silence for a few moments. I wiped a falling tear away from his cheek and kissed his lips. "How did I get so lucky to have such a caring and strong woman in my life?" he asked. I smiled. "I love you. I am here for you through everything in life. We're going to get through this and we will get through it together." He nodded and stood up, pulling me into a hug. "You know, Zachary did say he wanted to things from us - a wedding and baby." I laughed, as he took my hand and led me to the player's lot. "One thing at a time."

Later that day, Ben posted a picture of him and Zachary from the draft: Hearing the news this morning is a reminder to never forget the important things in life, I'm glad I could share this this moment in my life with you. Rest in peace Cuzzo. Much love Zachary Simmons #rip *praying hands emoji*. I posted a picture of us from last Christmas in Australia on the beach with me, Ben, and Zach all laughing candidly: The world lost a great man today, but Heaven gained an angel."

Rest in Peace, Zachary Simmons. You are so dearly missed.