Ben Simmons: When Two Worlds Become One

Everything Good Must Come To An End

"Hey, it's Sara. You're probably on the plane by now, and I guess that fact that I'm sitting in my house and not with you is enough for you to realize that you and I, we just can't be. We lived similar lives when we were younger, and maybe if we had stayed together things would be different. Now, our lives are opposite. I value myself too much to get involved in your mayhem. This is it, this is our goodbye. Have a safe trip to Cabo. Goodbye, Johnny."

With that, I pressed the button to end the call and fell backwards onto my bed. I knew this was the best decision for me. He needed to live his wild years, full of drugs, alcohol, and sex. That was his life, not mine. I had goals, I had dreams. I wanted to be successful in my career and part of a family. I wanted to marry the love of my life and have children. I said goodbye to my party years, Johnny didn't. So, I also said goodbye to him. However, I knew there would always be a part of me that still loved him, and I would never truly get over him.

I went through my phone until I saw the contact 'Fiancé' in my recent messages. 'Hey, we need to talk. Where are you?' In a matter of seconds he texted back. 'Philadelphia. What's wrong? Are you ok?' I knew this was something that had to be taken care of in person, so I lied. 'Everything is good! I'll just hop on the jet. See you in a few hours'. When your family has its own private jet, it comes in handy.

In my closet, I grabbed a white crop top and navy and white cloth shorts and my go-to Longchamp for travel. I had absolutely no clue what I would tell Ben; I didn't know how he would react. There was no time for doubt, or worry. Surely, the words would come to me in the moment. So, I grabbed my keys to the G Wagon, hopped in the car, and drove to the airport.

Philadelphia, here I come.

Ben told me to meet him at his hotel. As each second ticked by in what felt like the longest ride of my life, I got more and more nervous. Each time I played the situation out in my head, I realized not one possible reaction was good. This was going to crush Ben.

The driver came to a stop, and I paid him, before getting out. Ben was sitting in a lobby chair waiting for me. As soon as I walked up, I could see the worried expression on his face. "Hey, are you okay? What's going on?" he said while pulling me into a protective, comforting hug. I knew I didn't want to talk about this in his room, because leaving afterwards would be very awkward.

We settled on a meeting room. I know, very uncomfortable, official, and impersonal. We took a seat across from each other. The inner child in me came out and I had to resist spinning around in the chair.

"What's going on baby?" Ben asked. And, here we go.

"The other day I came home from Philadelphia and Johnny Manziel was sitting in my living room and I know you're probably wondering why. Before college, we hooked up a lot and everything and it wasn't serious, or at least I didn't think it was, and we broke things off a few months later. Anyway, I came into my house and he was sitting there and he told me that he regretted breaking up with me and wanted me back and I told him that I was happy with my life and with you and that he was a terrible person and when he got up to leave, he kissed me. And I kissed him back. And it felt good. My world froze for a few seconds and then I told him to leave because what I had done was so disgustingly wrong." I could see Ben's eyes start to water, and he refused to make eye contact with me, but I continued.

"I sat in my house crying because I knew that I had just cheated on the only man who has ever truly loved me. But then I went to Johnny's house to talk about it and he invited me to Cabo with him but I said no because I know Johnny isn't for me. I know he's poison for my soul. So I texted you this morning and here I am."

I looked for any sign on Ben's face to get an idea of what was going on in his mind, but I got nothing. He just sat there for a minute, silent, staring directly into my eyes. His jaw clenched, his hands were shaking with anger, but his face now had a few tears rolling down.

"How could you do that to me! You know I love you with everything in me! You are my world and I would have given my life for you. I work day after day just so I can provide a good life for us. You were my best friend and I thought I could trust you with the most fragile thing inside of me, my heart. You destroyed it, Sara! I gave you everything and you didn't even care. You gave up what we could have – a wonderful marriage and children, for a guy that just wants you for sex and beats women! You chose the scum of the earth over someone that chooses you and would choose you every day for the rest of his life over any woman in the world. You lied to me. You can't fuck with my feelings just because you're unsure of your own. You never loved me." He was screaming, and I worried someone would come in, but no one interrupted.

He took a deep breath, catching hold of his emotions. "We're done. Goodbye, Sara Jones." And just like that, my engagement was over. The man I had loved for nearly a year, was no longer mine. My future suddenly felt so blurry because whenever I imagined it, I always pictured him. This is my fault, and I would have to live with the consequences for the rest of my life.

I didn't say anything, there was nothing left to say. I reached for my hand and slid the ring off my finger. I placed it down on the table in front of me. Ben just stared at it. As I opened the door to leave, Ben said one last thing. "You know, out of all the lies you told me, 'I love you' was my favorite."

I think the worst part of everything that happened was that Ben would always think I didn't truly love him. When, in reality, he was my world. He was never perfect, but he's all I ever wanted. He made me laugh so effortlessly, he made me feel at home in his arms, and he made forever sound like the best promise in the world. Ben was my first true love, and I'm not sure I'll ever love someone again. I believe in soulmates, I believe you have one perfect match. Ben Simmons was mine, and I'd lost him.

I walked out of the hotel, with no where to go. I flagged down a taxi and slid inside. "Where to ma'am?" he asked me. I handed him $100, "Just drive."

I leaned back into my seat, and placed my hand on my stomach, "I guess it's just you and me now."