Ben Simmons: When Two Worlds Become One

Disaster

Ben slammed the door and I ran to the bathroom and threw up the contents of whatever our wedding dinner had been. It felt like a dream, a horrible nightmare to be exact, but one I could not wake up from. This is real life. I was waiting for someone to wake me up so I could realize this was one big misunderstanding and feel the rush of relief when you wake up from a bad dream and realize it didn't happen. Unfortunately, no one would wake me up.

I rolled over onto the floor and sat there, wondering how things could have possibly gone so wrong in one night. Ben came into the bathroom and reached out his hand to pull me to my feet. He walked me towards the bed, sat me down, and handed me a mint and a glass of water. 

Neither of us spoke for around five minutes. "I'm sorry," he said, breaking the silence. "For what?" I asked. "If I hadn't invited you here, this would have never happened. It's my fault," he confessed. He wasn't wrong, but a marriage requires two people to say 'I do' not just one. "This isn't your fault. We both made the mistake," I said, taking a long sip of water. "But is it really a mistake?" he asked, and I gave him a weird look which told him to continue. "It's not like we married some stranger in Vegas. We've known each other for a year, we have a son, and in case you forgot, at one point we planned on getting married. We did see a life with each other. And I know you don't feel the same way, but I'm madly in love with you. I hate that I ruined everything and lost the most important person to me. You don't know how many times I lay in bed at night just wishing I'd remained faithful like you deserve. But one thing that hasn't changed is the fact that there's no other woman in this world I want to spend my life with. I love everything about you. I love the way you've taken on the role as a mother to our son when it's not what you planned on. You are the strongest, most beautiful woman on the planet and there's no one I'd rather go through life with. You may think I'm a mistake, but you're the best thing that's ever happened to me." 

By now, he was standing in the corner of the room learning up against the desk and looking at me. It broke my heart to know that he thinks I don't love him. No matter how much he hurt me, I can't move on. I don't think I ever will. But, I also know we weren't together for a reason. 

"You think I don't love you? I spent two whole weeks crying over you ever night. I thought about the day we met, and the night you proposed and how excited I was to finally understand what people are talking about when they say they met their soulmate. I wanted to hate you but I couldn't because I love you. But, we've both done extensive damage to one another and I can't understand how we can claim we're in love if we both cheat. That's not how love works. It doesn't seem like a healthy relationship and would make a catastrophic marriage. I'm putting Easton first, and I don't want to be in a relationship where he will grow up with tension between mom and dad. I want him in a loving, stable household," I replied. 

He stood and looked straight at me. His face wasn't angry, frustrated, or confused. He just looked lost. Like he so desperately wanted to have hope, but my words were bullets to his unstable, collapsing wall. 

"Well, we're married now. Whether you like it or not." He picked up a jacket and threw it on before walking towards the door. I heard it slam. 

Suddenly, I felt a very strong migraine coming on. This is such a disaster. 

I walked over to the bed and collapsed, letting my body sink into the mattress and I tried to comprehend the entire situation and figure out what the hell we are going to do. 

We are a recipe for disaster.