ONE SHOTS [CLOSED FOR NOW]

I Can't Do This On My Own - TJ Bell

I Can't Do This On My Own - TJ Bell

Being home never bothered me. I guess it was the fact that I was home alone again. Dad was out, working as usual, so that left me to fend for myself. 

I guess I should feel lucky that my dad was in a band. Girls from school call it satanic and they call my dad 'gay' because he wears eyeliner, but they don't understand that it's all a costume. It's always a costume. 

Sometimes I call my dad by his first name TJ, seeing how my comfort level with him has decreased over the past years. 

Insidious began playing on the television and I rolled my eyes, flicking off the TV. Stupid movie. 

My phone rang and I glanced down at it. TJ was calling. 

"Hey dad." I sighed, glancing around the living room. "When are you coming home?" 

"Uh, two or three hours, Addie." He sounded a bit regretful. He took a deep breath and coughed a little. "I'm sorry, work's late-" 

"I know, I know." I rolled my eyes. "Your stupid band. Whatever. I'll be here, as always." 

"Addie-" he started, but I hung up, not in the mood to hear his stupid excuse. Once again-I should be grateful, but I couldn't help but feel like his work was taking over his life. Like last year. 

Dragging my feet, I stood up and climbed the stairs to my room. 

I had decorated my room with lovely posters of things I loved, like bands and movies. Yeah, I had a giant ass poster of Frozen above my bed, because who wouldn't want to be a snow queen? 

I closed my door and found myself crawling under my bed. I left my feet hanging out fro underneath incase someone wanted to find me and laid on my back, reading notes  I had stored under my bed. 

There were pictures of my mother, TJ, and I sitting at a fair. TJ's smile was wide, but mine was 20 times. That was when I was seven. Right before she packed her shit and left. 

She left with no explanations, so yeah, I was mad at her, but I couldn't help but understand the feeling of rejection. TJ's work seemed to swallow him up sometimes, making me feel invisible. I'll bet a million bucks she felt the same way. 

TJ didn't know, but I took the letter she gave him when she left before he read it. She left with a reason for him, not for me. 

She was scared of raising me. Scared of being a mother. So she left. Because of me. 

I heard the door open downstairs and I didn't have time to panic as TJ's voice rainy out through the house. "Addie?" he called, his voice reverberating around the walls of the spacious house. I almost laughed. He didn't like to call me by my first name: Adele, because I was named after my mother. Almost choking on my spit, I answered. 

"I'm here." 

I heard his heavy boots hit the stairs as he climbed to my room. I was scared he would leave me. Everyday he left for work longer. I was terrified that one day, he wouldn't come back. Reading the letter again, I heard my door open and the aroma of pizza wafted in. 

Dad's feet stopped in front of my bed and I heard him laugh softly. 

"Are you under your bed, Addie?" 

"Mmmm." I sighed, rolling my eyes. The mattress shifted slightly as he sat the boxes on my bed and he grunted, pulling himself under my bed as well. 

Tears fell from my eyes as he cozied up to me, his eyes landing on the photos and the letter taped to my bed frame. 

"What's this?" he murmured, his eyes scanning the letter. I swallowed hard, feeling my stomach twist in guilt. 

"When mom left, she left you a note." I whispered, my fingers clenching to my shirt. "And I didn't want you to read it, because she wanted you to come with her." 

TJ's eyes narrowed as his lips mumbled the last part of the note. You can leave her and come with me, babe. I love you. 

"…Addie…" TJ breathed, turning his head slightly. "Why didn't you tell me about this?" 

"I didn't want you to know because you would leave too." I whimpered, clenching my hands into fists. TJ was silent beside me, rereading the letter over and over again. "Now you're going to leave." 

"I'm not going to leave." TJ told me, feeling his cold fingers land on my hand. I flinched away and frowned. 

"I know you loved her." I said, playing with my bed frame and picking a bit at the wood. "And I know you would do anything to find her again and have you guys be with each other again. Even if that meant putting me off to the side." 

"Addie, stop that." TJ scolded, hitting my side gently. I bit my lip and felt my eyes close to prevent further tears. "What's your biggest fear? Why do you think I'll leave you?"

I bit my tongue until it bled and I swallowed hard. "E-every day you leave for work…" I said, trying not to break down and cry. "And sometimes you stay out really late…and m-mom-it started with her going out to work for longer, then she just…didn't come home…please come home-" 

I felt his arm lay on my stomach as he pulled me closer to him. 

"Addie, I'll always come home. This letter is so fucking stupid-she's telling me to abandon my own kid, for christ's sake. I'm not stupid enough to do that." TJ smiled down at me and winked. "And Escape The Fate is a band, but it's not you." He furrowed his eyebrows, and made sure I was looking at him. "You know that, right?" 

"Don't you wish that you just-stayed with her?" I asked guiltily. He shook his head. 

"Why would I want a bitchy woman who's afraid of commitment, when I have a wonderful mini me daughter right here?" 

I closed my eyes and shook my head. 

"No," I shook my head, "no, I'm not wonderful. I'm not. Don't say that." 

TJ was about to say something, but I rolled out from under my bed and leaned against my wall, my knees drawn to my chest. TJ struggled from under the bed as well and he sat next to me. 

He was hesitant to put his arm around me, but when he did, I curled up next to him. 

"Look, I know you're worried about this, but I will never leave you." TJ's hand landed on my knee and I bit my lip carefully. "If it makes up for anything, I'll stay home tomorrow. And I'll try to come home sooner-" 

"You don't have to change your schedule for me." I muttered, feeling embarrassed. 

"If it makes you trust me more, then I'll be there for you." TJ grinned. "Even when you don't need me." 

"I always need you." I mumbled, blushing. TJ's grin grew. 

"Yeah, I know, Adele." He ruffled my hair and I smiled at him, hugging him tightly. 

"I love you, dad-" 

"I love you too, babe."