Shades Of Cool: Noorhelm

William and Noora : 1

January 3rd
2016
Noora

I woke to the sound of knocking. It was vigorous and desperate like rain on a tin roof. Maybe Eva was drunk and showing up on the doorstep again. I rolled my eyes and carefully climbed out of Linns bed, careful not to wake her. I shifted my silk nightshirt to cover my underwear.

I make my way to the door, looking through the peep hole.
William.
Despite the way he'd hurt me it was my instinct to fling the door open.
Tears were streaming down his face, and he took a careful step back.
"I understand if you don't want to see me. I understand if you don't want me because of the way I've hurt you. I made you wait for me. I thought... I thought for a while you'd hurt me enough that I didn't need you."
He takes a deep breath. I stare at him, waiting for him to go on.
"But Noora, God. I need you more than I've ever needed anyone. I don't know what to do without you there. I don't know how to begin without starting the day with you beside me. I don't know how to end without you in my arms."
He stared at me, his eyes desperate. I observed the dark rings around his eyes, and his hollow cheeks. He hadn't been sleeping or eating, and his hair had gotten much too long.
I simply took him in my arms, holding him close. He wrapped his arms around me, nuzzling his head into my neck, breathing in deeply. I set my chin in the crook of his neck and let him lift me from the ground a bit, the way he always does due to our height difference.

"Noora, I still love you."
I pull back from our embrace, looking him in the eyes.
"I love you too."
He smiles, kissing me. He holds my face in his hands and looks into my eyes. All I can think about, is how much I've missed him.

At first it hurt, when I first returned to Oslo.
Then as time went on the pain dulled, but it never disappeared. But right now, the pain I felt was different. It felt more like fear. Because I realized I didn't know if I could take losing him again.

I take him by the hand and lead him into my room. I shake Linn awake. "What?" She groans. "Go room with Eskild, I need the bed tonight." She looks up. "William?" She asks, disoriented. "Yes Linn, now get out!" I push her out the door.
I shut it, locking it, and turn back to him, kissing him wildly. I put my hands under his shirt on his abs and begin to lift his shirt up.
"No." He pushes my hands away and takes them in his. "I just want to be with you tonight. I just want you in my arms." He looks me in the eyes, his eyes like soft milk chocolate in the moonlight. "Okay." I say softly, kissing him back.
He pulls of his shirt and jeans and we lay down, him facing me. He rubs my temple, feeling my hair and face, analyzing my features.
"I didn't think this would work. I thought... you'd send me away. Say you didn't want me anymore."
I shook my head, leaning into his hand. He wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me closer.
"I never stopped loving you. I just... I couldn't live that way anymore. I missed everyone and I felt like I never saw you. I still feel that way, I guess."
He furrows his brow. "Why didn't you tell me?" He says, continuing to stroke my hair. I push his out of his face.
I ignore his question.
"When was the last time you've eaten?" He looks down, shrugging. "I'm not sure."
I shake my head. "You must eat, Willhelm." He smiled, however sadly, at the use of his nickname.
"Stay here." I say quietly.
I return to the bedroom with a container full of strawberries and blueberries.
I click on the side table lamp, sitting up.
I take a strawberry between my fingers and hold it out. He takes a bite and I smile.
"Good Willhelm."

Eventually I lay back down with him, kissing his soft lips, stained strawberry.
"I love you, Noora."
"I know. I know."
I kiss him back, pulling his head to my chest and wrapping him in my arms. He's hurt me. More than anyone else. But I can't imagine a life without him. I need him here. With me. He's my lifeline. With every beat of my heart I think of him.
"How long until you have to go back to work?"
He shakes his head.
"I don't."
I lean out and look at him.
"What do you mean?"
His expression is blank.
"My father died. Everything was left to me." He said this information like it was nothing.
My heart drops to my stomach. I move downward so our faces align. I rub his hairline with my thumb, offering gentle support.
"Oh William. When?"
"Yesterday." He whispers.
"So that means-"
"I'll never have to work again."
The boy in my bed, barely yet a man, was now a millionaire.
"William?"
He looks up at me.
"This doesn't change how I feel about you. The money... it doesn't matter to me."
I whisper.
He places his hand on my cheek, kissing my forehead slowly and sweetly. He looks in my eyes.
"I want you. No matter what. Money or not. I need you, just you."
I whisper. He smiles brightly,
"I know, Kitten."
I smile at his nickname for me.
"I'm sorry. About your father. He was a good man."
He shakes his head.
"No. He wasn't." He kisses me again. "I wanted to believe he was. But he wasn't."
I look down at our entwined hands. He used his finger to push up my chin, to face him.
"But baby, you're all I need."
I knew this wasn't true, but I wanted to believe it, more than anything I did.