I Hate Everything About You

Remeber Me

{Sapphire's P.OV.}

I follow Joker through the many folds of the fabric which surround the entrance to the tent, and before I know it, I'm inside. I look up and I see people walking on ropes, bending over backwards and forwards, juggling, bouncing, flipping, doing all sorts of tricks and skills. He turns to look at me before moving forward to address those before him.

"If I could have yer attention only for a moment, friends!" He speaks, and everyone listens. "I would like to introduce someone to ya!" He places his hand on my shoulder. I look down and see that it is not his good one. I fight the urge to recoil away from the creepy appearance of bone. "This is Sapphire!" He grins hugely. He's proud of me. I look down and smile, and regret my prior judgement. That was new. It felt nice to be treated with respect like that. "She's just passed her entrance test this mornin' with flyin' colours!" People look at me the moment I raise my head, and I can see why.

Directly across from me, I spot who I cam for: Sebastian and Ciel. They're here! They're here and I can see them. It's real. Joker looks at me and then over to where they stand, and he knows as well as I do that we look alike. He flashes me a softer, warmer smile as he observes what we are both already thinking. He strides over to them, as I work hard to control my anxiety in front of all these people. I wasn't used to being in this sort of spotlight. 

"She looks just like Smile!" A voice from the back of the tent notes, speaking for all of us. It's obvious we resemble each other. The rest of the small crowd murmurs in agreement. I see Smile's eyes widen, and then I'm led forward and made to introduce myself. Joker speaks one last time, addressing everyone present. 

"I thought she'd a a fun treat for ya all today! She's a jack of all trades, she is! Fire swallowing, high diving, knife throwin' you name it! She's dangerous, and right pretty, too." He extends an arm to introduce who I know to be Ciel and Sebastian. "I thought she'd teach Smile here a few things." He laughs and slowly the interest in my novelty fades away, activities carrying on as usual. Rarities here are a dime a dozen it seems.

A more personal introduction follows. "Sapphire, this is Smile as you now know, and this is Black." He turns to introduce the man who hadn't been properly identified before. My eyes narrow just at the sight of him. I hoped he'd notice, and it seems he did. A small recognisable semblance of surprise accompanies a returned scowl. He knows I don't like him. Good. Joker seems not to pay any heed to it at all, and instead notices the expression on 'Smile's' face.

He's staring at me, his mouth open, as though he's at a loss for words. Did he remember me? Did he? Please Ciel. Please remember my name. Please know how much I miss you, how much I love you. Please. He composes himself and extends his hand. "Nice to meet you, Sapphire." He flashes a grin.

He didn't remember me. He doesn't remember anything. I try to remain happy, or at least appear to do so. It works. I'm getting better at it, too it seems. He certainly is, Ciel.

I shake his hand and then Joker has me shake his. Black. That fits him. I act polite as usual but hope he could sense my disdain. He seems to. I expect him to be cruel though all of this. I'm prepared to do it for Ciel's sake.

Yet, here, facing him, I notice something I didn't before. Ciel seems to trust him more than acknowledge me. After he introduces me, Joker leaves us to get acquainted. The atmosphere changes quickly. I'm no longer in focus as Ciel and Sebastian converse. I have to break in even to get a chance to talk to him.

He didn't remember me. He didn't remember me, or anything about me. I wanted him to know. I wanted him to know who I was, who I still am.

Before I got the chance to do much else, however, another new member of the Circus seems to have recognised Sebastian's presence as well. A fight ensues between them, between someone I hate and a man with similarly unbelievable skills, which ends in shock and awe.

'Suit' has alerted the entire tent to the fact that Sebastian Michaelis is a demon. Excellent! This'll be easier than I thought.

I hear laughter where I expected fear. I should have known. No one would believe they weren't acting. My hope is beginning to fade and I feel panic setting in. I fight it through the rest of the day, and I remind myself of what I came for.

When the time comes for us to be assigned tents, I'm forced to part with my new partners, and I find myself following the other newly recruited women, my tent-mate some fifteen year old nobody who quietly makes her bed without so much as a goodnight. I didn't quite know what to do, so I left her alone. Now, it seems I'll be alone, too, again. 

I thought it would have been so different.
I thought that I'd have to fight more.
I thought...

I was wrong.
He didn't even care.

I sigh and walk out of my tent, hoping to find comfort in the sounds and smells of the open air. Then, it hits me. I realise why I wasn't prioritised earlier.

I notice them. I see Ciel, Sebastian, the man in the suit, and Joker. Ciel wasn't assigned a tent with him! The bloke who seems to hate Sebastian the same as I do is staying with him instead. Perfect! I'll be able to work around this.

I don't fully know what I'll be in for this evening, but I do know one thing. If Ciel and Sebastian are both here, and he's working in these conditions, it's for a reason. It's for a reason which he and I both know to be his role in this world, the ominous title the Phantomhive family has born for generations. 

He's here as the Queens Watchdog, and that's how I'll get him to remember my name.