I Hate Everything About You

Father

{Victoria's P.O.V} 

Sunlight: bright, jarring, and nearly offensive in nature permeates the cathedral. Still enveloped in partial sleep, I fight the urge to fully awaken. I have to take it easy. I don't feel well. I hurt, but not like before, when Ciel cast me out, nor when I was miraculously healed by him. Before, it too was a mix of physical and mental anguish, but I didn't feel guilty. Right now, I feel just that: guilty. 

I know what I did was a sin. I had no clue what it even was before last night, but now, I understand why places like this one hate it so much. Sebastian mentioned love. What we did was hardly reflective of that. It could never be anything but a game to something like him. I look up. Above, the open arms of the Madonna, the virgin Mary, ironically hang over me. Behind her looms the iconic symbol of a faith I once yearned to forget, yet now is one in which I find painful solace. I want to pray, pray for help, pray for a miracle, but I've forgotten how. I can't help but feel despondent, though it seems I'm far past crying. I can't fight tears that aren't coming. I close my eyes more tightly before I hear footsteps. I curl into myself, hoping it isn't who I think it is, as a hand falls on my shoulder. 

"Are you okay, Miss?" I don't recognise the voice, and strangely, I'm far from relieved. I don't reply right away, and I feel his attention move. He lifts something up from beside me, muttering to himself. After a few minutes, he repeats his prior question, adding something else. "Victoria. You're going to be alright." I rise now, looking at the man before me. I glance up and down, blinking repeatedly as he comes into focus. 

"Are you a priest?" My voice is raspy. He nods. "What's your name?" 

"Father Gaufridi. I'm an exorcist here. Come with me, and I'll have the sisters get you some water." 

I am thirsty. I let Father Gaufridi help me to my feet, and he tows me along. We move slowly, and for the first time, I feel nothing: no anxiety, no fear, no panic, nothing but this vague, sluggish emptiness. It's defeat. I've lost. I swore I'd beat him at his own game, but I lost after one night in this place, one which I had a hand in defiling. I don't deserve this man's help, but still, in spite of what's happened to me, I find his line of work odd. Did demons really posses people at all? I can't say the one I know does. Even so, there must be parts of the underworld out there even I'm yet to see. In spite of my somewhat hypocritical doubts, I turn to appreciate the self-professed exorcist assisting me. He's older, perhaps in his forties, but it's quite apparent must have been more than handsome in earlier years. Even now, he looks pleasant. His dark hair, fair complexion and deep, blue eyes remind me of someone else. He almost looks like...

I stop. Now, I'm able to cry. 

"What's wrong, Victoria?" He remembered my name well. In his hand, the one not occupied by my need for assistance, I notice a slip of paper. I know who left it. I don't even care what it said about me. Sebastian would never reveal what he was, nor what happened. He's proud, but he's not stupid. "What is it?" 

"I'm sorry, but, you just...remind me of someone I care about."

"Who?" He appears to be complimented, but cautious. "Is it the person who left you here?" 

"No." He helps me sit down, resting again on one of the numerous benches circling the altar we've turned out backs on. I really do need to drink something. It's difficult to speak at first, but I find my voice soon enough. He truly resembles him, and it's almost too much to bear, witnessing someone in a wholly different line of work, here, helping me in this way. They could be related. I could be his daughter, too if it weren't for the vow men like him take. "You look like..." 

He actually seems to be as shocked as I am. 

"My father." He helps me back up after I've cried myself out. 

I wonder if I'll ever leave this place. Something tells me Sebastian won't be back anytime soon. If I didn't have anything to fight for, if my desire to see Ciel again wasn't the only thing I cared about, after what happened to me, who I am, I'd consider becoming a nun right here and now. 

"What's his name?" He's making small-talk. I clearly can't tell him everything. 

"Vincent. He's dead, though. My mother is, too." We stop, turning to enter another area within the church. Sebastian was right. This place is enormous. "They died in a fire on my brother's birthday, in December, though it was years ago. Ciel's alive. He doesn't want to see me, though. He's busy. He's just a kid...he works so hard..." 

"Do you want something to eat?" He's changed the subject. Perhaps I revealed too much, or, he doesn't want to cause me any more upset. "You'll need to recuperate. Then, we'll figure out how to help you. I promise you'll be safe here." 

"Safe?" I shake my head. "Safe from what?" 

He merely smiles. "Come on, Victoria. Let's get you some food."