Girlfriend

26. Reconciliation

I slammed the front door shut causing my mom to jump in her seat. She smiled when she realized it was me and continued to watch TV.

"You're back early," she said.

"Don't talk to me."

"What happened?" she asked as she watched me stomp up the stairs. "Are you okay?"

"Am I ever okay, Mom?" I snapped, halfway up the stairs. "Isn't that why you made me go to that therapy session? I mean, you sit here and ask if I'm okay when obviously I'm not! Why are you so...so..."

"So what, Cathy Jean? So fed up with your attitude?" Mom retorted. "Because that's exactly right."

"Excuse me?!"

"No, excuse me. I am sick and tired of you thinking you run everything around here! I don't care if you're depressed or dying, little girl, you should never treat anyone the way you've treated me for the last couple years. I've given you everything and more but you choose to act like I haven't done anything for you!"

"Because you haven't!" I cried.

"I deal with you everyday, that should be enough."

"What?!"

"I try to help you with this depression thing you've got going on, but when I booked an appointment with the therapist, what did you do? You got all upset! You don't want help, do you? You'd rather sit in the corner and cry all day when there's people who want to help you!"

"Just leave me alone," I sighed, before continuing my walk upstairs to my room.

"Then you walk away because you know I'm right. I know how this works, Cathy Jean!" she calls even though I'm out of sight.

I don't reply. Instead, I change out of my clothes and into pajamas. Going to sleep might help soothe the pain of this living nightmare.

***

The next morning, the tension from last night still lingered. Unfortunately, my mom made another appointment for the therapist. I wasn't going to be a brat about it though. I decided that I'd only speak when we requested to.

"You're back!" Dr. Moore cried. "I'm so happy you guys decided to show up!"

"We need it," my mom said, glancing at me.

I only rolled my eyes and followed Dr. Moore back into her little room. I take a seat on the couch and my mom sat right next to me to my dismay. She gave me a look that said "deal with it" and I crossed my arms. This was going to be the longest hour of my life.

"So what's going on between you two?" Dr. Moore asked crossing her legs. "It seems like you've got some unresolved issues."

I glanced at my mom and she sat up in her seat. "My daughter tends to take her anger out on me," my mom said.

"That's not true!" I retorted. "You just don't understand me!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's not argue. Tell me why you feel like your mom doesn't understand you," Dr. Moore instructed, leaning in.

"She always thinks I'm mad at her when I'm not."

My mom scoffed and I give her serious side eye. "Mom, don't deny it."

"Did this tension between you two always exist or what?"

"It started when she got all sad on me," my mom claimed.

"Why are you sad, Cathy Jean?"

I don't reply. My mom folds her hands in her lap and keeps her mouth shut as well, adding to the silence.

"Because I don't have my dad," I choke out. "He made me happy."

"Cathy Jean, I understand that, but I've been trying to make you happy for years and you act like I haven't done anything for you. You're not the only one who lost someone. I lost my husband."

"So there was a loss," Dr. Moore observed. "Can you tell me about that?"

I shook my head and blinked back tears leaving my mother to answer the question. Dr. Moore waited for a response and leaned in farther.

"He was taken from us," my mom said, her voice trembling with emotion. "And I always feel bad because I couldn't catch him."

"You've got to learn to let go of that guilt, Mrs. Jones. You did all you could," Dr. Moore replied.

"But I know that's the reason you hate me so much," my mom told me. "You're mad that I didn't catch him."

Dr. Moore turned to me and a sinking feeling settled into the bottom of my stomach. When my mom broke down in tears, my heart shattered. I never knew she thought that I blamed her for my father's disappearance.

"Mom, don't cry," I begged as tears streamed down my cheeks as well. "You basically sprinted for that car. I know you wanted to catch him."

"But I didn't," she sobbed. "And now he's gone."

I wrapped my arms around my mother and held her close to my chest. It was hard to see her so upset especially with me at the center of this breakdown. I looked over at the doctor.

"Can you give us a second?" I requested.

"Of course." She exited the room, making sure to close the door behind her.

"Mom, I'm so sorry about everything," I whispered. "I didn't know you felt this way. You know I love you. You're my mom."

"Yeah," she sniffled, wiping tears. "I just wanted you to be happy and you weren't for so long so I thought it was my fault."

"No, it was never your fault. I was just upset about him not being here with us. And my attitude for the past couple years have been unacceptable, I realize that and I am so sorry. I love you so much and I want things to be better between us," I said, taking her hands in mine. "Is that okay with you?"

"Always."

She brought me in for a hug and we cried together in that room for a good two minutes. This would be what my dad wanted and it felt good to receive love from my mother again. I even gave her a lot of genuine smiles which she appreciated. The dark clouds of depression slowly began to disperse.