Dear Universe.

Universe

Dear Universe, 

I don't know why life fucks me up every damn time. And I hate it. It feels like every decision I made was wrong. It always feels wrong. Today, I'm talking to you again universe. For I have the urge to kill myself if I didn't. If you're feeling like this too, what would you do?

I considered myself as one of the most fucked up person in the world, because I'm a mess. And I fail the people around me, every single time. I'm never good with words. I'm never good at anything aside from shutting people out. I don't even want to receive help from other people. Because I always believed that I don't need it. If it's my problem, then it's mine to solve. Not anyone else's. 

My feelings are fucking me up too, at this point. I wanted to leave. But if leaving means losing someone permanently then I chose to stay. I chose to fucking lose myself that to lose the people I care about. But these feelings are messing up with my mind. For that, I need to stop this. I have to clear my mind. I have to make a decision. And I think moving forward is the best way. But how? I must ask. If someone out there knows how to move forward because for the past years, all you know that is you've been stuck in a shit hole you've always been.  

I need to save myself universe. But I can't lose the people I love. 

So how?

Much love,

Raze