I'm 12-16 With a Mental Illness

Story #16

I'm 12, turning 13 in a few monthsI have generalised anxiety disorder and probably dermatillomaniaWhen I was around 8, my parents used to fight every night and I would worry about what they were saying. When they divorced my anxiety got worse. I had panic attacks a lot and for some reason my fear of death got worse and when we learnt about how heart attacks happen in year 5 I had my first panic attack and, especially because I was only 9, it was terrifying. I pretty much worried about everything all the time. Later that year, I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder. I've got better since then and I haven't had a panic attack in a while but I still struggle with it. I started secondary school at the beginning of last year and everything got worse, I started self harming again (and stopped pretty soon after, I'm 14 months clean now) and all the progress I'd made was basically reversed. It's been getting better and worse ever since. It's a seemingly endless cycle of worrying, worrying about worrying, not being able to sleep, feeling sick all the time, over thinking and then feeling better and worrying about how you've been faking for almost 3 years. I also probably (nobody believes that it's more than a bad habit and will help me get help) have dermatillomania, an impulse control disorder where you feel the need to pick your skin. I mostly pick my shoulders/back and scalp, a little on my legs and face though. I haven't worn anything that shows off my shoulders in years because I'm scared people are going to judge me and stare at it. I mostly do it subconsciously but when I catch myself I can't bring myself to stop. Mental illness stories help a lot because I don't feel like it's just me and stories from people that have recovered make me feel like I can too.