Bellamy Blake Imagines

Nothing Like A Monster

The jobi nuts were disaster for everyone. It had caused so many damage around the camp which was exactly what we needed the least right now. Everyone had been terrified enough because of the war against the grounders that was surely coming. And all of that hallucinations that we had got because of that stupid nuts made everyone even more scared. If it was even possible.
Fortunately for me, the hallucinations I had gotten hadn't been that bad so I was relatively okay. It had just made me see the nightmare I had been having since my dad had killed my mom. But I was so used to seeing it that it hadn't made me loose control over my emotions.

Seeing it was rare and most of the delinquents were seeing things or hearing voices, I tried to help Octavia, Finn and Raven with keeping everyone safe and sound till it would wear off.

It was definitely harder than it had seemed at first and the fact that Bellamy had been somewhere out in the woods didn't make it any easier. I was just praying that he hadn't taken the nuts with him, which was highly unlikely because the nuts had been the only thing to eat we had had in the camp in the morning.

The sun had already been gone and nearly everyone had already recovered from the hallucinations.
I was extremely tired from all that chaos that had happened trough the day. Thankfully no one had gotten hurt and no one had gone crazy.
However, Bellamy and Clarke were still nowhere to be seen.
I was getting more and more worried with every next minute and even though my legs were hurting as hell I couldn't stop pacing in front of the gates.
"They are back!" Someone shouted and I froze in the place watching as the gates opened and the two of them walked trough it with full bags thrown over their shoulders.

I started running towards them throwing myself at Bellamy. He seemed to be taken aback by it, which confused me, because we were hugging a lot.
However, once I pulled away a little I realized that his face was beaten up and something had clearly happened out there.
Without saying anything he pulled me back and hugged me tightly burying his face into my hair. I decided that I would question him about what had happened later when we would be alone.

"He's gone! The grounder is gone!" We heard someone shout and Bellamy immediately let go of me and approached the crowd of people around the fire with Clarke walking beside him.
"Let the grounders come!" Bellamy answered all of the murmurs that were heard and made everyone silent and confused at the same time, including me.
"We've been afraid of them for far too long, and why? Because of their knives and spears," he continued his speech making everyone concentrated listening to him, "I don't know about you. I'm tired of being afraid."
He exchanged a look with Clarke and they dropped the bags on the ground revealing guns.

I sighed knowing that even though it'd help us a lot, having those kids walking around with the guns would be risky. But I wasn't about to talking them out of using them because we needed them.
Everyone around started to whisper and look cautiously at the rifles.
"These are weapons, ok," Clarke butted in, "not toys, and we have to be prepared to give them up to the guard when the dropships come, but until then, they're gonna help keep us safe."
"And there are plenty more where these came from. Tomorrow we start training, and if the grounders come, we're gonna be ready to fight," Bellamy announced and then everyone walked away including Clarke so we stayed with Bellamy alone.

"Hey, Bell," I grabbed his arm making him face me, "let me take care of you now."
"I still have something to do," he brushed my hair away from my face and placed his hand on my cheek.
"What's so important that it won't wait until morning?" I pouted irritated that we couldn't go sleep just yet.
"I am going to talk to Jaha," I looked at him confused and surprised at the same time, "I decided to give it a shot before I would run away."
I knew about the fact that he wanted to run. At first I had been mad at him, but then he had promised me that he would come back for me and we would flee together. I wasn't keen on leaving this camp, but expect Bellamy I had no one.
"Oh, then go," I smiled at him and pecked his lips, "Good luck. I will wait you in the tent."

I was sitting in our tent impatiently with a bowl and a cloth already prepared to clean his face. I wished so much for him being pardoned because it would make everything simpler.
Suddenly I heard some noise and I turned towards the entrance to see Bellamy walking in.
"So?" I asked hopeful.
"It worked," he smiled at me, "I am pardoned."
"Yay," I kissed him as he reached me, "so we don't have to leave, right?"
"You have never had to leave," he sat next to me, "but yes I am staying."
"That's amazing," I stood up and started to clean his bruised face.
"Wanna tell me what happened out there?" I asked him after a while of silence.
"One of the delinquents got ordered by Shumway to kill me and he followed us. We got into a fight with him and I killed him," as he said the last sentence he looked away from me ashamed. I quickly finished cleaning the last bruise and put away the bloodied cloth.
"Hey," I made him look at me as I sat on his lap, "It's okay. I am sure you did what you had to."

"It's not okay," he raised his voice looking at me desperately, "you don't understand. It's not just about him. I killed three hundred people just because I am a coward. And when I saw today faces of all that people I wanted to die. Because I am a monster, I don't deserve to live."
I couldn't believe his words. I couldn't believe that he actually thought he deserved to die. I knew that the culling was bothering him, but I hadn't known it's this much.

"Bellamy, you are not a monster," I placed one hand on his shoulder and the other one on his cheek, "you wouldn't have thrown the radio away if you had known what would happen. It's a mistake, but everyone does them. The important thing is that you regret it. And you definitely don't deserve to die, you can't die, because I wouldn't survive it as well. So don't ever let yourself think about it again."
"I just... It's hard," I saw a tear escaping his eye and he quickly turned away embarrassed to cry in front of me. He had always been bad at expressing feelings.

"Bellamy," I grabbed his chin and made him turn back to me, "It's okay to cry. You don't need to be ashamed of crying in front of me. That's what I am here for. Everyone needs to let everything out at some point."
"But I am supposed to be strong. I am supposed to protect you," he couldn't hold the tears back anymore.

"Crying doesn't make you weak. It just shows how strong you are because you have gone through so much," I brushed my fingers trough his hair and he weakly nodded putting his head on my shoulder and hugging me tightly.
I felt him crying, but I hadn't done anything about it and let him still brushing his hair.
"I don't know how I deserved you, but you are the best thing that has ever happened to me," he spoke up after a while as he calmed down, "I love you so much, Y/N."
"I love you too, Bell," I chuckled, "and that's not going to change no matter what."