The summer is winding down, my tour postponed until further notice and we have been making plans to go home soon. We had wrapped up celebrating Willow's fourth birthday on August 8th, and sleep came easily. The next day, there was a strange feeling in the air and I was overcome with a sense of dread. The doves outside were singing more than usual and the hawks and vultures circled over head all day. Eerie, I thought, but continued on in my normal routine. The children and I fell asleep on a pallet of blankets in the floor after watching Beauty and the Beast on a loop all evening. Bits of popcorn, a discarded sippy cup and socks lay around me as I found myself suddenly awake. My body ached a little as I stretched. I looked up a slightly to find Lindsey asleep on the couch. I reached out to touch his face.
"When did you come out here?" I whispered, knowing he wouldn't answer. Beautiful man, he must have wanted to be near the girls. Upstairs there were sounds, odd sounds. I carefully got up, trying not to disturb anyone and pulled my robe around me.
"TeeDee?" My mother asks. Her voice sounded different and I laid eyes on her face, tear stained.
"Mommy..."
"Daddy...he's passed away" she says and her words don't make sense to me. He wasn't doing well but he was always so lively, even on bad days.
"He...what?"
"Don't cry, honey. He doesn't want us to be sad" she says but we both know she herself had been crying and I would be no different. She holds me, stroking my hair. "Shhh..."
"What are we going to do, mama?" I ask through my tears and she shakes her head. "I need Lindsey" I tell her after several minutes, she nods and I go back down the stairs. "Lindsey" I whisper in the dark, stroking his face. "Baby...please" He stirs and his eyes flutter open.
"Stephanie...what time is it?"
"I don't know" I say and there is a certain flutter to my words that makes him sit up and become alert.
"Are you okay?"
"My father died" I tell him, and as soon as the words come out of my mouth I dissolve into tears.
"Oh my God" he says and wraps his strong, protective arms around me.
"I'm not supposed to cry, I'm not supposed to be sad" I say, willing myself to stop crying but I can't.
"It's okay, baby. Everything is going to be okay" he says, comfortingly. I know he's crying too, he was family to him long before we were married. "Would you like to take the girls upstairs to their room, or maybe we can go back to your house so we have Karen to help?"
"I don't know. I can't really think right now" I say and he nods, continuing to comfort me.
"Let's go to your house or at least have Karen take the girls back. They don't need to see what morning will bring"
"Okay."
"Will you be okay right here so I can call her?" I nod and he leaves the room. Karen is here almost immediately and we help put the girls in the car, much too tired to wake up fully.
"I love you" Karen says, hugging me. "Call me if you need anything. I'm here for you"
"Thank you" I tell her.
She waves and gets in the car to drive them back to my house. We quickly readied a room over there for them a few weeks ago so they will sleep with ease. I dread when they awake, knowing I will have to explain what happened. I'm a mess and Lindsey pulls me into him as we stand outside in the chill of morning.
