Warning: sexual activities
The summer is over and the girls start school in a week. So much change and transition has gone on since my father's passing. Christopher left one night to go back home, never said goodbye, and it hurt me. Lindsey said I shouldn't seek him out. He's been horrible to me time and time again and doesn't deserve my tears. But of course that doesn't help me change the way I feel. My mother is doing a wonderful job on her own. We do have some other family close to check in but I know she wants her space. I just worry because she's never been alone before.
Aria and Willow are excited to get home and honestly so am I. Lindsey and I are doing so good and I'm happy to be a family again. Karen has been taking care of our house and working on my schedule as I do have events to think about and I have to decide if I'm going to resume my tour. The moment either is brought up though, I see Lindsey tense up.
"Baby, are you ready?" I ask Lindsey, seeing him sitting on the bed with his suitcase, his back to me.
"Uh, yeah...I'll be down in a minute." He says.
"Are you okay? Did I do something?" I ask. He's acting weird and I don't want to go back on bad terms. We are supposed to be starting over.
"No, angel" he tells me, turning around to face me now. "I'm just reading"
"Oh" I breathe a sigh of relief. "I guess I will see you downstairs then" I make my way toward the door but he motions me back.
"Wait, come here" He closes the book and tucks it into his suitcase. "Stephanie, I don't want you to ever blame yourself. You are an amazing mother, wife, partner, friend...you make my life worth living. You and those girls are everything to me. I love you more than I could ever explain to you." He looks up at me with big blue eyes and we are so focused on each other. He holds my hands in his and he's looking straight into my soul. I begin to cry and look away but he turns my head to look at him. "I love you and that will never change. Your journal is breaking my heart. I know I have to get through it but it's so hard. I never, ever want you to feel this way again. If you ever do, come to me. I will happily change that for you. Okay?" I nod and he pulls me into an embrace.
"I feel that way all the time" I tell him. "I feel so guilty and worthless. You, our daughters...I nearly destroyed our family because I'm stupid."
"You're not stupid. If I've learned anything from this book it's that when I shut out those feelings and try to forget about them, it only hurts you more. You took that as me shutting you out and that was never my intention. I don't blame you for the loss of our baby. It's just one of those things that happens and though it's very sad, we can't change it. If I could give you another baby, I would. And I would give it to you so good." He says and I giggle. "But we can't go back, Steph. I want to have you here, present and happy. We have two beautiful miracles downstairs eating cookies with nana. They love their mama and so do I."
"I love you too, Lindsey"
"Also, this jealousy thing..." he gives me a half smile and his tone is playful. "Baby, I'm so jealous it's disgusting. I'm shocked I'm not the green eyed monster himself!"
"You're so cute"
"I trust you. I still trust, even after all that happened. I trust you. I definitely don't trust Don or any other person around you. They're drawn in by you and that's not your fault. You're my woman. Look at this" he says and stands up to pull out his wallet. He opens it up and takes out a picture. "You and I on our wedding day. Look at that smokin hot chick on my arm"
"Shut up" I say, my cheeks turning rather pink.
"This is one that we didn't put in the album and I kept it all for myself. It sits in the booth with me or at the board when I'm trying to get things just right. When I'm up too late and far away, this picture comes with me. You're perfection to me. You want me to be jealous? I'm so incredibly jealous but you used to hate it so I try to hide it the best I can. It's so hard not to clinch your waist to mine when a man talks to you or looks at you but I trust you and know that whatever happens, you are mine and I am yours. Forever and ever. That's just how it is."
"Thank you for talking to me, Lindsey. Thank you for opening up and showing me what's inside of you. For a couple of years, I felt like we were coasting. We were just comfortable. We had our babies and we renewed our vows but our spark was gone. We made love just as much as we always did but it just was. It wasn't hungry or passionate like it used to be."
"That's not true, it just wasn't angry."
When he said that it made perfect sense. "I guess you're right"
"That doesn't mean our passion is gone. I love you and I don't want to yell through the house and scare my girls. You don't have to rile me up and piss me off to get passion."
"I guess we have a new normal for us then"
"We do. I would ravish you right here, right now. Believe me, I want to."
"Then what's stopping you?" I ask and his jaw drops.
"Aren't we leaving soon?"
"Well yeah but how about one for the road?"
"Shut the door" he tells me and he pulls his suitcase off the bed and onto the floor. I go back to him and he's already trying to take my clothes off.
"Jesus, you're so sexy" he tells me and for the first time in a while, I feel sexy too. He unbuttons my black chiffon blouse and pulls my leggings down. I hadn't put my boots on yet so that was a step we could skip. We wouldn't be able to wait that long anyway. I stand before him in my lace bra and panties and he caresses my body, sending shivers up my spine. I fumble with his jeans, my hands shaking from the anticipation and I yank his tee shirt over his head and push him onto the bed, straddling him. "Ooh, Steph!" He groans as I massage his length. He kisses me hard and moans into my mouth. He can now feel my wetness and places a hand between my legs.
"Please" I beg between kisses and he strokes my sensitive bud, applying light pressure and I moan loudly.
"Shhh" he says but I don't pay attention. I move my panties aside and take in his length, adjusting momentarily. He hits my cervix and I moan once more. "My God"
"Shhh" I tell him this time, a smile appearing on my face and he sits up to kiss me and we make love slowly and deeply, holding each other in our arms. "I love you" I whisper.
"I love you" he replies, devouring my neck and causing me to sigh with ecstasy. "You are so beautiful. Ahh, baby you feel so good" He forces me down onto him with his hands on my hips and I gasp at the sensations. I'm close and I know he is too.
"I wish we could do this all day" I tell him.
"Mmmm me too, baby" I clench around him as my orgasm builds quickly and I'm suddenly pushed over the edge. He kisses my mouth, muffling a long moan and his release fills me. I feel a lot of fluid flowing between us and we smile at each other as he holds me tighter, wanting just a little more time with me like this.
"I'm sorry" I say, dismounting after several minutes.
"Um...why? That was fucking awesome"
"Because now we need a shower" I say with a laugh.
"I don't mind...as long as you let me do it again in there" he says, pointing to our en suite.
"Not at all. Come get me tiger!" I pur, leaving the room and he chases after me. I am giggling like mad as his arms find their way around my waist and he pushes me into the shower stall, kissing me passionately against the tile. "My underwear" I squeal as he starts the water. He unclasps my bra and eases my panties down, discarding them on the floor outside the shower.
"You won't need them for the rest of the day" he says, a mischievous glint in his eye. Our kisses become hungry and sloppy, and my hands drift to the sides of his face.
"Is that a threat?" I ask with a crooked smile that I know drives him wild and he nods.
"Baby, that's a promise"
