The Diary Of a Teenage Girl

Chapter 6

Saturday 12 January… the day I’ve been waiting for, it is finally here. I keep asking myself if is it worth the hours or I’m just wasting my time, I mean I should’ve done a lot with the time. But my heart tells me something else ‘I know this is right I’m doing it because I want to’ i really felt fine with it because it something that I haven’t done in a long time. I mean it been days and weeks since me and Shaun had a day to spend with each other.
11:52 message alert: ‘Hi dearest. Are you still coming? I can’t wait to be with you. Tell me as soon as possible if u changed your mind’ I felt my heart smile… Shaun can be something else. I sent him back a text ‘Hey handsome, don’t worry I’m still coming. Since you‘ve reminded me I guess we still on’ he probably had that idea ‘so if I didn’t text she wasn’t going to come’ and my answer is yes to the question, I mean I can’t just popup u know. It would be another story. I got dressed, I thought I should go for a t-shirt and a Denim but it didn’t feel ok. I felt too simple and then I tried my favorite dress which was half sleeved Cream in color and had Gold stripes. I felt like a princes, yes a princes.
I took a taxi and while I was enjoying the ride (Cellphone rings)… it was Lucy I just wonder what is wrong now, “Hey you cow what’s up?” she said. I thought she forgot that thing of hers of calling people like that. Sometimes she even called me a Demon. Can you believe that! “Still haven’t changed hey? I’m still an animal to you Luu?” I said. “Ha ha ha… Cindy I’m the only one who calls you that.” She sounded like my mum. “That’s exactly what I’m saying Luu” she sometimes doesn’t think before she talks. “Arg… Whatever. Where are you? I think I miss you, how about drinks today?” Ohh…no! I felt like God was actually punishing me, my friend and my boyfriend want to be with me. I guess I will go with the one who asked for this day first. “Oops! Sorry girl I’m actually on my way to Shaun now, I’m in a taxi as we speak. I’m so sorry dear”. “No. no problem dear as long as you are happy then I’m also happy. Have a great time, and make sure you call me when you get back OK?” Wow! Now that was something else, I didn’t have to explain myself. I’m starting to love this new Lucy. I don’t care what happened to the old one. “OK dear will do, listen I have to get off now can you please hang-up I’ll call you later ok?” I replied. “Ok bye.”
I got off and I was a bit nervous. I don’t know why “I just got off the taxi, you still at home?” I texted him that because I wanted him to come out of the house. I didn’t want to enter the house all alone, it was scary like the first time watching Harry Porter. “I’m actually standing outside. Come I’ve been waiting for you” What! He sent a text while he was looking at me. I mean is that show off or a new style of saying “I’m loaded” because I kind of like it. “Hey beautiful, you look wonderful” he said. “As always my love thanks” We both laughed and he was rolling his eyes like an irritated cartoon. “You are just something else, Come Ladies first” He said, as he showed his hand showing through the door. I entered then he followed. He showed his hand to his bedroom. “And why not the living room?” I asked. “My mum is there or you want to watch Oprah with her?” One of his eyebrows rose. “No. of course not, I was just asking” That moment when you don’t know what is actually going on.
He poured us both drinks and brought popcorns, we watched a movie and I was so happy to be around him. I mean my heart felt at home, I felt like I was protected nothing will hurt me. His smell reminded me of how we started dating and why, which made me love him more. He was the most shining star in my sky, the most beautiful flower in my garden. I truly loved him. We started kissing like all couples do and the cuddling was awesome and warm. He then told me he was thirsty he needs water but he didn’t look thirsty and he didn’t come back with a glass of water. I just didn’t know what to think because he was acting all strange. “Shaun. Are going to tell me what is bothering you or you will keep on acting weird?” I just had to ask. It was getting on my nerves.
“Sorry. And yes I will tell you, mmhmm…” He cleared his throat. “Cindy I need to ask you something but I don’t know how you will take it, but I will try anyway. You know sometimes as a guy you have needs and sometimes girls don’t understand ours needs because they are afraid to uhm… you know loose what they actually have” Immediately I knew exactly what he was talking about but I didn’t want to show it to him so I just acted stupid. “Please be more specific because I won’t tell what you are really talking about. Just say it like it is. Are you breaking up with me?” “What! No. I will never do that. I love you that why I want to do this whenever you are ready, if you know what I mean.” He said with a lower tone “No, I don’t know what you mean and please do not say ‘NEVERMIND’ because I will freak out like I am now. Are you going to tell me or what?” I just wanted him to say it because now I felt like a stranger. And what he was asking was kind of… I don’t know strange maybe? “No I’m not going to tell you I’m going to show you” He kissed me and I kissed him back, my heart was moaning but I just didn’t listen to it.
18:35 I was already at home by then when I was all over the room looking for my diary “Dear diary. Today I just feel like saying… Oh God what have I done. The satiny words you say to convince the brain Impuissant of the brain it takes to convince the body. You pushed away the gleaming future of one. Covering it with the faint words you spit every second. The grope you share will not be explained. Impuissant of the brain it takes to convince the body. To increase the flames of the drum beat of her heart. One is mortified to lose the treasured glass of life. One is bound to lose the treasured limpid of life. Apparently one has loosed. LORD HELP”
I was disgusted and ashamed of myself. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, this was now the very disappointing thing I have ever done in my like. It was 20:15 when I heard my phone ring. It was Shaun, I really didn’t want to answer it and I don’t know why, so I just left it there and it kept on and on and on until I answered it and only to find out that this time it was my lovely friend Lucy “You know I hate it when  you lie to me, you said you’ll tell me when you have arrived safe at home Cindy what on earth is wrong with you I’ve been calling for like an hour now, where the hell were you?” I didn’t have the energy to argue with her “Sorry I won’t do it again I thought it was Shaun. Talk tomorrow goodnight” “What! Oh gosh! What has he done now I just hope it’s not a girl. Cindy have you been crying?” she knew me very well she even noticed my voice that I was crying sometimes about to. “Yea…and please don’t ask me why I’m just not ready to s ay what’s wrong, so can you call me tomorrow then we can talk please and don’t worry I’ll be fine” I had to say that because she wasn’t going to sleep. “Ok my dearest, please don’t cry too much ok? I love you girl goodnight” “goodnight bye” I swear I never in my life felt this way. I felt like I was going crazy. I actually slept early that day.