The Diary Of a Teenage Girl

Chapter 8

Three months later…
I was still in love. It felt like new love each and everyday. We smiled when we see each other for no reason. We had fun, we loved, laughed and the best part was when we gossip about other relationships and how they should fix it. We actually like Oprah and Dr. Phil. We fought a lot but we didn’t show it to anyone. Everyone thought I was having a great relationship, I was. But eventually that actually changed in a second when Cassandra started flirting with Shaun. Ok. I admit it. I was suspecting but if only I could tell anyone He/she will definitely think in the same way as I was thinking. This was stressing me but I didn’t say anything, I was sometimes scared of Shaun and YES… sometimes I could be secretive but this time I’m just scared. In some time he used to have trust issues and have panic attacks all that in front of my eyes he sometimes turns into a lion and roars so loud that I even wish to get home as fast as the wind. When I ask him why he does that he would just tell me it nothing but while his face says something else, I just felt left out. I used to cry by the way he has changed. He was now spending more time with his friends and all those unnecessary people in his class and I know Cassandra was one of them. I had to plan when I was to meet him I had to plan everything I was going to say because when I said one wrong word he lost it and look so angry. I mean he was suddenly short tempered in like three months. I actually thought I was boring him we’ve been dating for so long maybe he needs some space.
The best thing I loved about his sudden change was that he never passed a day without reminding me that he loves me, I mean without saying ‘FOREVER’. The time I saw him that he has changed was when he asked me to visit him and have fun together for the whole weekend, we had fun the first day and then he left me in his room for the whole day the next day and I was lonely and alone. I was like why did he even call me to come over for the weekend if he was going to do such. My heart was broken but I still said nothing. He came in and found me watching a movie alone and he said: “Wow! She now knows how to entertain herself” I waited for the word to come out but he wasn’t joking he was for real. I was the girl who had this broken heart that cannot be explained, I’m even scared to talk about it, I felt tears in my eyes but still said nothing. I felt cold and I had so many words in my mind that I could say but… I just didn’t have the guts to do it. I still loved him. I mean whatever happens I will always do. I even had no word to write on my diary… 15 May 2013 Wednesday… “Dear diary… I feel sad and lonely” I had nothing to talk about or to brag about.
“What are you up to with Cassandra? I was brave. “What makes you ask such a question? She is just a classmate nothing more, why?” “Nothing, Shaun a girl has every right to be jealous, just that I see you guys close to each other these days and I kind of think it too much” I turned my face to look on a different direction I just didn’t want to see his face in a process of turning red. I actually felt like a wife who is being abused and I hated that feeling. “As I said Cindy there is nothing going on between me and her we are just classmates nothing more and nothing lessss…”  I didn’t see any reason for him to emphasize the “S” I was just bored. “I don’t want to have this conversation it boring can we talk about something else or about us” he looked bored and his eyes made me more scared of him. “Ok you want to talk? Talk then talk… because there is just nothing to talk about now in this relationship everything sounds weird I don’t know why” “Are you for real? Nothing to talk about really? Wow just wow! Ok fine do as want now I think I also have nothing to say…but I know that since you act this way these days there is something wrong and I’ll find out soon!” imagine this we were actually standing under a tree it was a cool day. I just walked home without saying goodbye. I was angry even if I bore him that much he had no right to say what he said.

When I got home I tried calling Lucy but his phone was off but I left messages. I cried my lungs out then I heard my phone ring…it was Lucy. “Usually when u leave so many messages then I smell trouble what is friend?” I didn’t answer her “Cindy please don’t do this again u need to talk to me” “Remember when I told you Shaun has changed? Now it worse, he is telling me that there is nothing to talk about in this relationship. I lost it and I went home” I heard her from the phone coming herself down. “Don’t cry calm down, he is probably stressed by something give him time he will come around, he does love you. Trust me. I love you ok?” “I trust you and I love you too” I just wanted to sleep. 16 May 18:00 “Dear diary… I think Shaun is trying something I haven’t figured out what it is but I will soon. Only God knows how much I love him…LORD HELP. I had a problem and I needed a solution. I had no idea what this meant but it only a matter of time and I will find out and if i find out I will… I actually don’t know what I will do but yes I will react.
I don’t know how and why this was happening but Sandra I were getting along. She told me everything about herself and love life. I was not doing that mistake because I seriously don’t trust her. She told me she always wanted to talk to me in this “sister like” kind of way but it seemed like I had no time. Even if she was asking for that, she was asking for it in a wrong way. That was not a “sister talk” situation that was “I want to take your boyfriend” situation. I’m actually glad I could help her here and there. She called me when she felt lonely and sad and I could calm her down. I was starting to like her and the peace she had she was like a cat. Before I slept I read a book on “Watpad” on my phone and while I was reading my phone vibrated…it was the “wonderful” Shaun. “Hey Cindy, I’m sorry about the way I acted today. I was something else and yes I’ve changed. In that case I think I need someone who will help me find myself in another way. I love you a lot but I just think we have been dating for a long time now can we just take a break… just for us to take some time alone and find what is missing in our lives. I know u probably think I’m stupid now but I’m sorry to do this, please take good care of yourself, I love you” That was just a man acting like a boy. I will just say one thing here…I didn’t sleep!