The Diary Of a Teenage Girl

Chapter 9

I did what he wanted me to do, give him the space he needs, the break he asked for. It was hard looking at him smiling at other girls which I don’t really like. But I just had to do it. Whenever we swapped classes I’d look sad when I see him pretending that I’m so hurt that I can’t even focus on my day or school. I could focus but I was truly hurt.
The school was out, I just immediately went home, while walking I heard footsteps behind me. They sounded like I was being rushed buy cops because they were angrily touching the ground. I turned around to see who it was. “Oh my! Shaun, I wonder how many breaks does he want because he already has one” I thought to myself. “And why are you following me?” I said. “Cindy please, hear me out. I’ve been running and calling out your name but you choose to ignore me, look… I’m sorry I’m really sorry. You know today I’ve realized how much I need you. Please can we forget about this silly break, I love you too much to live without hearing your voice or seeing yousmile, I’m so sorry” My mind was smiling but not my heart. Shaun needs to go to a mental institution for real. I mean how on earth do you forget the things you need the most. “It funny the things you do just because you saw someone else doing it. Shaun I
love you but it seems like you know that and you taking an advantage of it. I’m sick and tired of your silly…silly whatsoever things, I’ll think about it. Now can I go without you having to follow me?” I said. “Yes… it fine. You can go now I won’t follow you. But please forgive me” he didn’t look sad but he looked embarrassed.
On the other side Sandra and I were getting along. She is the sweetest person one could ask for; just that she
doesn’t know how to make friends that why she was lonely for a long time. My hate for Cassandra grew each and every day. Lucy hasn’t called me for days, she probably has a problem. I tried calling her and then her personal assistant told me “The person you have called is not available, please leave a message after the tone” she never told me about her. But anyway I love her voice and she is doing a great job. Ha ha ha… how funny. I had this thing… I felt like I was carrying something heavy on my shoulders, I wish I knew what it was.  Maybe I have too many problems, but the question is… will I ever be free from all of them? Will I ever be happy in this world? Is it normal or it just me? But I haven’t found answers. I hope to find them soon. “I’ve decided to forgive you not because I’m too soft but because I love you and I can’t live without you” I sent him a text, I’m not even sure if I forgive him or not but my heart says different things. I do love him and he did hurt me but since he realized he was wrong I think I need to forgive him. After just two minutes I heard my phone beep… “Thank you very much. I love you forever and I promise to never hurt you. You are my one and only I truly love you” he really wrote that and I believed him with all of my heart, I mean he was the only person I trust I just pray he doesn’t break that trust. 17 May Friday “Dear diary… I feel empty and lonely, why do I have the feeling that Shaun is playing games with me? I wonder if it a good feeling or I’m just thinking too much. What is he doing behind my back? I so wish to know. LORD HELP” I’m so scared of what will happen next because I have a hard feeling it might be a crazy one but I know it real. I just wish I don’t get hurt and cry all night long because I’m not in that mood now. I’m seriously not prepared for tears and heart aches.
I was taking it easy the whole weekend he didn’t call me and I didn’t either. I didn’t regret it I felt ok. He was probably busy. I went to school fine without any heart breaks I was ok. Until I got to Lucy “And why was you phone off? Tried calling you the whole weekend. Where were you?” “Sorry friend I was out of town. And where I was there was no network so there was no use having my phone on. I need to tell you something and you might not like it but as a friend I think I must if you haven’t heard” I thought it was about me but it turns out that everything is about Shaun these days. “Yea… what is it?” “Shaun had a big party this weekend and I hear that there were a lot of girls and only the bad girls were there. Did you know about it?” that was a silly question. “No. and I think I’m freaking out. Why would he do such? Oh no! I just wonder how many girls he slept with!” Lucy was actually waiting for me to cry but I didn’t it wasn’t worth it. The only thing I needed to do was ask him about this. “Thank you Lucy. I will ask him about all this. I will definitely” “No! Just don’t tell him it coming from me. He will be angry and hate me then I won’t be able to see all the things he does when you are not around.” She had a point. “I promise I won’t tell him. Shaun needs prayers Lucy, help me on that” I just couldn’t wait for break time. I didn’t eve go and eat first; I rushed to him and took him to a private place. “And why do you look so angry? Has someone done something to you?” he said, pretending to know nothing. “You know what Shaun I’m not stupid, to you I might look like I am but I’m not. So how many girls did you sleep with? And did you even use a Condom?” “Cindy…what are you talking about?” now he is making me a fool. “Shaun I heard everything about the party and the girls that were there… so please don’t act like a fool. Just tell me everything or else…”  I didn’t even know what I’ll do. “Ha ha ha…” he laughed so hard that I looked like a fool standing there with an angry face then suddenly he talked. “Listen I’m sorry. And yes I had a party and it wasn’t that big and yes I was drunk but not to the point that I even do silly things like sleeping with other girls. Listen…. I love
you and only you I’ll never do that I promise, please trust me.” I felt so stupid but I felt like he was lying to me. I didn’t get all the answers. Shaun doesn’t realize the love I have for him it might be blind but hey mine is not. “Listen…Shaun I’m tired of fighting with you and having silly arguments with you but just know that if I fight I fight for us, because I love us and I love you. Please take care of this relationship.”   There was actually nothing more to say to him because now I felt like he was trying to be a player or something. I don’t know… but clearly he has changed. And I don’t like the change he has, it was making me nervous each and every day, I just hope this is just a dream and I’ll wake up soon. I just couldn’t deal with it.