Mates (ON HOLD)

32. confusion

A/N: I told my friends I was writing a story and they told me they were writing a story, too. And their stories are so much better than mine. The whole time they were telling me their plot lines and I just had this look like; "I've got my two gay boys and a bunch of werewolves."

And I'm feeling good about it.

Mostly. Good luck with this long, shitty, sad chapter. P.S. I love you guys.

Enjoy ;)

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C H A P T E R  T H I R T Y-T W O:
confusion

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M A T C H E S

Have you ever felt like you've lost everything? Like you're whole life has been torn from you? A part of you is suddenly missing?

Every time Yel tried to force me into the living room in the basement where Livator was, I couldn't help resisting with all my might. I couldn't see him because if I did, I'd...I wouldn't be able to live with this emptiness. This pain that started in my heart and spread to take over every part of me.

To see him...It hurt.

What I felt, I wasn't sure. It felt almost like betrayal. Like someone I trusted going against me. Except I know it wasn't Livator who made this feeling spark. Somehow I knew, somehow I was aware, that my wolf crying within me wasn't the result of Livator's doings.

But my wolf was blaming it on him, screaming and thrashing, almost convincing me he was right. He was unlike I'd ever seen him. He wasn't himself. My wolf, my inner most instinctual, most trustworthy, part of me, was saying the most horrendous things. Things I couldn't take to hear, but had to bare.

'That fucking trader!' I furrrowed my brow, glancing at the ajar door, unable to concentrate on anything within the room.

'Bastard!' His voice was so harsh.

'Go to hell, YOU FUCKER!' I winced, shaking my head.

'Leave him!' Feeling my eyes swell with tears again, I covered my eyes, leaning forward on my knees.

'Matches-' No...

'You have to leave him, Matches!' I can't...

'LEAVE HIM!' He screamed, my mind vibrating terribly. 'PLEASE MATCHES, PLEASE!'

Growling, I stand and pace, running my claws over my arms, white lines following them.

'Matches. Matches, Matches, Matches. Please!' I shake my head, tears running down my face. He can't make me do this. Do what he keeps screaming.

'...please...'

I rub furiously at my eyes, moaning in pain.

'...reject..."

I shake my head.

'...him.'

I fall onto my knees, growling and trying to wipe the thoughts from my head, trying to desperately push my wolf from my head. I can't take it much longer. It's too much. My mate, Livator, is my mate. And I can't leave him. Leave him alone and scared. I can't.

I won't.

A hand on my back has me snapping from my head, looking up to see Elder Black, face emotionless.