Everything - t.r

t w e l v e

Ava's P.O.V

After two long and stressful days, we were allowed to go home, and quite honestly, I'm not sure if I want too. The images of what happened are still playing in my head, the gun shot, the blood, the being pulled away. All so fresh in my mind that it hurts to think about. Theo has attempted to console me, be there for me, with me, but I can't seem to let him in. Of course he knows what happened, everyone has told him, except me, the one who really needs to tell him, and I haven't.

I'm trying to find the strength in myself to tell him, let him know what's going on, he deserves that since he's stayed with me through all of this. Some people might be thinking, I'm overreacting. But think about how you would feel if some guy killed himself because of you, in your bedroom. Exactly- not very nice to think about.

***

"Are you absolutely positive?" Theo asked for the hundredth as we walked out to his truck, he opened the door for me as I nodded. "Theo, I am one hundred percent positive. It will clear my mind, besides don't you want to have fun with me." I sighed, he shut the door before answering. He came around and got in, "of course I want to have fun with you baby, but only if you really want to do this." He explained, leaning over the center console to kiss my cheek quickly, what a gentleman. 

"Then let's go." I said in a duh tone as he started the truck, he gave in and put it in reverse, backing out of my driveway. "Let's go to the beach." He repeated my earlier statement, this time smiling a little bit. "It's gonna be fun, you know the water clears my head anyways." I gave him one last encouragement before turning the radio up so we could listen to music on the almost hour and a half drive we had. 

***

"I'm leaving my phone in the truck." I told Theo as we parked, he nodded, knowing I'd probably forget by the time we're getting ready to leave. I grinned as I saw the water gently smacking the beach, the perfect weather to be in the water, and we're not alone, the beach is actually pretty busy which eases any underlying nerves I have. Now that I think about it, I'm terrified to actually go in the water, even though this isn't where it happened, it reminds me of it. 

I grabbed Theo's hand as he was walking past me, not realizing I had stopped, "baby?" He asked turning around, he looked me in the eyes. I kept trying to divert them from him, but finally he just cupped my cheeks in his hands, forcing me to look at him. I felt the panic beginning to rise in my chest, and I don't know why it's happening, I'm safe, Matt's never coming back. It's impossible, and I know that, but I can't seem to calm myself down. "Ava, what's wrong?" Theo asked, pulling my attention back to him. "I don't know." I told him truthfully, feeling my heart pounding in my chest. 

"Hey, hey, slow down." He mumbled, my breathing picking up, "Ava, breathe." He demanded, somehow still being gentle. I took a deep breath, exhaling slowly, forcing myself to get a grip on whatever it is that just happened to me. Theo has been nothing but caring for me this whole time, but I can't seem to accept, even if I really want too, which I do. But every time I get close to being truly 100% invested in this relationship, I think of what happened between me and Andrew. 

"I'm sorry." I told him, he furrowed his eyebrows. "About what?" He asked softly, I didn't answer, "can you take me home? Please." I asked, sniffling, I feel horrible for making him drive all the way out here for nothing. "Yeah, of course." He assured me, leading me back to the car, a couple of silent tears rolling down my cheeks. 

***

I stirred, feeling someone carrying me, I could tell it was Theo, so I simply tightened my grip on him. "I've got you." He assured me in a hushed tone, I heard the sound of a doorbell as I drifted in and out of sleep. "You can just put her there." I heard faintly, it sounded like Stiles. I acted as if I was sleeping when Theo laid me down on the couch, I felt his breath fan over my face before his lips touched my forehead. "I love you." He whispered, I did my best not to react then and there, I waited until I heard him walk off. Once I was sure that I was out of his view, I quietly rolled over so my face was towards the back of the couch. 

I stared at it, not sure what I thought about Theo saying he loves me. Did he even mean it? Did I love him too? Most importantly, will I ever be able to put my full heart into this relationship? 

***

"Stiles?" I knocked on his door, hearing a faint come in. I entered his room to see him on the computer, Lacrosse For Dummies, was typed across the screen. "I need advice." My voice cracked, he spun his chair around so fast that I thought it would fly off. Stiles cares deeply about the people he loves, so when any of us are upset, he's ready to hurt whoever did it. 

"What is it?" He asked, watching me intently as I sat with my legs crossed on his bed. "It's about me and Theo." I started off, waiting to see his reaction, he didn't look bothered by it, "he said he loves me. But he doesn't know that I know and-" I stopped when I felt the burning sensation in my eyes and the lump in my throat. "I don't know if I love him back." I managed to choke out, "Ava." Stiles sighed, moving from his chair to be sitting in front of me on his bed. "Nobody said you had to know this instance." He tried to assure me, I shook my head. 

"I'm scared." I admitted, he furrowed his eyebrows, "of what?" He asked cautiously. "What if it turns out like Andrew?" I responded, he noticeably tensed. "It won't." He said, I sighed, "but what if it does?" I groaned. "Listen, you can not live your life in fear that every guy you meet is going to turn out to be horrible." He paused making sure I listened to him, "and this is coming from me, your over protective big brother." He added, making me let out a small laugh. 

"Stiles." I said, he raised an eyebrow, "thank you." I told him, reaching forward and hugging him, "that's my job." He teased, nonetheless kissing the top of my head, assuring me that he'll be there if and when I need him.