The Lovely Lie of "I'm Okay."

Her: Part Two: The Truth

"What did you weigh six months ago Ella?"

"I don't know." Liar.

"Tell me."

"132."

He grabs my hand and pulls me towards him. "Please Ella. Just get on the scale." His eyes show sadness.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath before lifting my foot and stepping down. 

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With one foot on the scale, I pause and open my eyes. "Noah I can't do this. I already know what it is today."

"You know that because you weigh yourself daily don't you." Noah says sharply. 

I look at him and slightly nod while feeling a tear roll down my cheek. 

"Ella what is it?"

I shake my head no as the tears keep falling. 

Noah lifts me back onto the counter and looks me in the eye. "Ella." He wraps his arms around my waist and I see only sadness in his eyes. "Please?" He sounds broken. Defeated. 

"109." I say, looking down to avoid his eyes. 

"130 is barely below your needed weight for your height and your age, and now you're the size of a thirteen year old girl." 

I was an average size girl for my age, standing at 5'6. "So?" I throw at him. I don't know why anger was building inside of me but it was. It just felt like a fire that was engulfing my insides. I push him away from me with all of my might and he goes right back against the door, a look of surprise at my sudden build up of strength. 

I hop down and push pass him, not giving him another look and start walking to the stairs. 

"Will you at least eat for me?" I hear behind me. 

I stop walking and can feel the anxiety rushing though me. "Its been setting out too long now, hasn't it?" 

"No, it's been," I hear him pause, assuming he's checking the time on his phone. "nine minutes since I even walked through your door." Only nine minutes? Really? 

"No, I'm okay." I say as I start walking again. 

"Ella, get back here. Now." 

At the sound of his voice, I'm in an instant sprint up the stairs. 

"Dammit Ella!" I hear him starting up the stairs when I reach the top. I break left and and dart to my room. I turn to shut the door and almost have it when he slams it open, causing me to fall backwards on the floor. 

Noah looks down at me and slams the door behind him. "Why the hell are you running away from me Ella!" His voice comes in pants from chasing me up the stairs and I know he's more than just pissed. "I'm just trying to fucking help you because I care!"  

"Noah, you don-" 

"I don't what?" He cuts me off. "Let me guess what you're going to say. 'Noah you don't understand! I'm fat, it doesn't hurt to lose a few pounds.' Well guess what?" He's violently running his fingers through his hair and his hands are shaking. "I don't understand okay? I don't understand why you see yourself like this! Like, how do you not see how perfect and beautiful you are!" 

"That's not it at all." I can barely hear the words escape my lips.

"Well how about you tell me what it is then?" He hisses at me. 

I set there, tears flowing down my cheeks and plopping on the wood floor. I can't even speak. 

"What is it?"

"Tell me?"

"I was right wasn't I?"

"You're just hurting yourself for no real reason!"

I'm violently shaking at his words, sobs escaping my throat. My hands tangle in my hair, pulling, trying to rip out every strand to release some pain. I can't even look up. 

"Ella fucking tell me why you're doing this!" He shouts. "Don't you realize people care about you and you're only hurting them doing this to yourself!"

"Do you not see how much you've changed in the last two months? You're hurting me! You're hurting yourself! You're hurting your parents! They care abo-"

"My parents? My parents!" I can't stop the words that are coming out. "My dad doesn't give a fucking shit about me! He spends every living breathing moment at work and has for months! I haven't even seen him in four days Noah! Four fucking days! And that's not even the longest I've gone without seeing him!" 

I stand up and look him dead in the eyes, challenging him, as the words keeps spewing out. "And why you ask? Because he can't stand the sight of me! Not when I look exactly like her! Like my mother! Whose dead! She's dead Noah! So no! No one cares about me! I'm not hurting anyone besides myself! No one sees the pain I'm in! No one talks to me about Mom! No one fucking cares about what's happened!" 

My knees give out and I start falling, but he holds me up. Hundreds of sobs escape my throat and the tears roll. "Ella, I... I..." Noah sounds like hes in shock, he's completely speechless. 

I pound my fists on his chest. "Oh now you're sorry? No! You can't do this! Just leave!" He grabs both of my wrists in one hand and wraps his other under my knees, picking me up bridal style. I lay my head in the crook of his neck and cry, my body shaking and leaving me feel empty from all the words finally escaping. 

I feel myself being laid on my bed and the mattress shift next to me. Noah pulls me to his body by my waist and I cover my face with my hands, trying to block the sound of my sobs. 

"No no no." He pulls my hands away from my face and cups his hands on each cheek. "Don't hide. Will you please look at me?" His voice is gentle and timid. 

I open my eyes to be met with calm, ocean blue ones. "There's those bright blue eyes I love." He presses his forehead against mine and caresses his thumbs across my cheeks. The boy I met two days ago had already broke me. I was scared, but not of him at all. He may lash out and yell and cuss at me, but I wasn't scared of all that. 

"You've been strong for so long Ella. I'm sorry. I should've noticed more. Should've came in sooner." We're one hundred percent touching. Every inch of us is touching and I can feel butterflies. 

You're only feeling those cause he cares about you, but he'll leave soon enough. 

I start scooting away but he pulls me back. "No, no. Please." It comes out soft and almost needy. "Please don't leave me Ella." His voice cracks and I watch a tear fall from his left eye. 

I ponder over his words and the tear. I just saw the bad boy cry. Even if it was only one tear. I can see the hurt and pain in his eyes. What has he gone through? Why does he care so much?  We stare at each other for what feels like an eternity. The voices in my head kept telling me that he was lying and that he'd leave me and that I was nothing, but I had to push them away and go with my gut feeling. 

"I wont Noah, I promise." 

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OKAY GUYS I WAS GOING TO HAVE THIS UP AT LIKE 6 TODAY BUT MY WORK CALLED AT LIKE 3 AND TOLD ME THEY WANTED ME TO COME IN SO I DIDN'T GET OFF TIL AFTER 9 AND IT TOOK ME TWO HOURS TO TYPE THIS AND I'M SORRY IT'S PROBABLY REALLY CRAPPY BUT LEAVE SOME COMMENTS BELOW! 

XOXOXO