Short Stories

Wolfstar-Uselessness

   It was just another end to another horrible day of staring at Remus Lupin from afar. I trudged up the stairs to the boys' dormitories. I planned on collapsing in my bed and silently crying my face off. But as I was about to enter the room, I heard shouting.

"It's useless!' It was Remus. He was having another breakdown. I heard things being thrown on the floor. Papers. He had thrown his homework on the floor out of stress.

   I'd heard this before, but I was with James and Peter and a bunch of hot girls and I couldn't help him. Someone would suspect me. Somehow, they would find out about me, I know they would.

   But now I was alone and I was going to help Remus out with this.

"It's all useless! School, Malfoy, w-werwolves, h-him. Damnit, Sirius!" What... Did he know I was there? "Me. I-it's all freaking useless. And I hate useless things..." He was weak and quiet now.

   What did that mean? Did he hate me? Did the boy I fell in love with hate me? I couldn't stand the thought of it. I entered the room and saw Remus crying on his bed. I stood there for a while, not really knowing what to do. He obviously had not seen me.

"Uhm... M-Moony?" I said quietly.

"Get the hell away from me. Please," Remus whispered.

   That's when I noticed he was shaking. I ran over to his bed and sat next to him. He was curled up, hugging his blankets tightly. I hesitated, my hand hovering over his back.

"Please," Remus whispered again, even quieter this time. His shoulders shook and he was hiding his face.

"Remus-" I touched my fingers to his back and he flung himself into my lap. My poor Remus, sobbing pathetically. Well, not mine. Not anytime soon. "Oh, Moony," I breathed, rubbing his back.

   I pulled him onto me.

"Hey, it's okay," I tried.

"N-no, Sirius, I'm useless, c-completely useless," He said.

   He was crying into my chest. My hand found his hair and stroked it rhythmically.

"You're not useless, alright? You have use to me. W-wait, that sounds wrong... I-I meant-"

"Please, just shut up," Remus sighed. He'd finally stopped crying and was just leaning on me. I felt my chest implode as I sat there, petting the guy I like. I couldn't find a quiet way to let go of the breath I accidentally held. I ended up basically squealing.

"What was that?" Remus giggled.

"Shut up," I muttered, embarrassed. He looked at me and his face brightened. I blushed profusely.

   Remus shifted in my arms. He smiled as he brushed hair behind my ear. I smiled back. But then I started thinking, and I got angry.

   Remus, who had just finished crying, who had just had his second breakdown in a month, was so desperate for love that he actually turned to me. And here I was, basically using him. He didn't even know what he was doing, probably. And now I was angry. But I was angry with myself.

"No, Remus! I won't stand for this!" I said, a bit too loud. The startled Remus jumped out of my arms. But that's okay, because I was standing anyway.

"Moony, I don't understand why you're like this, but you don't know what you're doing right now. Like, you actually cuddling with me?? Nobody does that, I'm not cuddly!

"Why can't you get into your thick head that you are the most beautiful, smart, talented, most wonderful boy I've ever had the unlucky fortune if meeting. I say unlucky because now I'm stuck staring at the end of a revolver. I'm stuck staring at you, and you see nothing! You're probably so self-centered, you think I'm glaring at you in class! When, in fact, I'm staring at you lovingly, fantasising about what's under your clothes because I'm a dirty person, Remus, and that's what I do!