Fixing My Broken Mate

Chap13: Letting Go

Jinyoung's POV

The moon will shine bright tonight.

And as the moon rises in the dark sky so does my nervousness and anticipation.

This feeling is killing me.

I woke up today snuggled up with Mark. It has been two weeks since I accepted him being a werewolf and us being mates. It has also been two weeks since I moved in here in their pack house. Everyone has been good to me; his family, his friends, and the rest of his pack. Lastly, it has been two weeks since I have decided to give life a chance – to let people in my life again, to interact with them, and to bring back the hope that maybe I was wrong to assume that I brought tragedy upon my family.

I haven't told Mark the reason why I am so distant with the people around me yet but my guts told me that he somewhat knew or has an idea about it. I don't want to tell him though, to be honest. I'm scared he'll run away from me if he knew the misfortunes that came with me. I won't blame him if he rejects me when he finds out.

"Jin? Jinyoungie? Baby, are you okay?" Mark asked, worried. His deep morning voice pulled me back to my senses.

"Huh? Uh yeah," I mindlessly replied.

"Are you sure? You zoned out for a while. I have been calling your name but you keep staring in space," he asked again. He shifted in our bed until he was on his side facing me. He ran his hand on my hair down to my nape where he gently squeezed it as if to get my attention. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, sorry," was the only thing I replied as I buried my face in his pajama-covered chest. I inhaled his scent; it's stronger than usual and still very addicting.

"C'mon, let's go freshen up and eat breakfast."

Mark used the bathroom first while I rummaged for something to wear. When he stepped out, he was freshly showered and was wearing his usual ripped jeans and sweater.

"Go freshen up Jinyoungie, I'll be in my office to sign some papers before we eat," he said. He pecked my forehead before disappearing into his office.

Getting into the bathroom, I did my morning routine. After showering, I stood in front of the mirror watching my reflection. I wasn't as pale and as ghostly looking as I used to. I look brighter, happier – I looked more alive.

But do I deserve to be like this?

Looking down on my wrists, I can see the scars I engraved on my skin. The scars reminded me of the pain of living a life that caused death to others. Images of my family and their unmoving states flash through my mind. I closed my eyes and willed the thoughts away but then I heard screaming. I saw a boy, screaming and crying his heart out to nothing in particular. He just sat there on the cold, empty floor, all dejected, lost, and devastated.

Tonight is our mating night. Can I really bound and commit myself to Mark? Will I really complete him as he said? Can I really stay by his side without death and tragedy occurring? I have seen my family die. Can I bear to see Mark or Luke shed life because of me?