Level Horizon (Haikyuu!! WingedAU)

Year One.30 2/3; Contrition & Dolor

Love is the strongest emotion any creature can feel except for hate, but hate can't hurt you. Love, and trust, and friendship, and all the other emotions humans value so much, are the only emotions that can bring pain. Only love can break a heart into so many pieces. ~Amelia Atwater Rhodes

Shouyou Hinata curls tighter in a ball against the wall on the porch when the door opens next to him, the backs of his eyelids pressing harder into his knees. His heart is ticking an unsteady rhythm and his head hurts and his stomach still feels volatile, but he barely notices any of it.

What happened to him?

You did.

Yaku's accusatory reply had set him back, his mind automatically rebelling. But no matter how crappy his stomach felt, his eyes were sharp as ever... and Kageyama had been totally unresponsive. He'd been placed on a blanket on his side, half curled into a fetal position that could have almost made Shouyou think he was just asleep. But his chest had risen and fallen in short rapid breaths, his skin a sickly grey and covered in a thin sheen of sweat even as all of his muscles spasmed in shivers.

It had been the most unnerving thing, seeing the cobalt eyes cracked open just a touch yet completely unfocused and sightless while his body shook. Even as he'd watched, Akaashi had pulled out a blanket to drop over him while Bokuto had neatly folded his large wings around him. It had hammered it home that Kageyama was wholly and truly unconscious. Kageyama wasn't usually big on physical touch unless it was at night in the middle of a sleep pile— or if it was from Shouyou himself. The fact that there had been no reaction to being handled and carefully positioned... was terrifying.

You'd best hope he wants to live; it might be the only thing that saves him because your leveler link won't help you this time. The 'binding' property can't fix leveler inflicted injuries.

Shouyou drags a breath into lungs that are painfully constricted, the air catching on his raw throat. It doesn't matter how tight he squeezes his eyes shut, he can't unsee the image of his leveler lying comatose and surrounded by concerned faces, can't stop the tears from slipping out.

He's been getting sick after every fight and yet you repeat the process each time.

Had he really been going through this every time they'd argued? He knew Kageyama would lose feathers after these confrontations and would be a little pale and crash out earlier the night following, but... he'd assumed the taller boy was still just livid. Had he really been this blind?

Shouyou'd been angry... but he'd never wanted this. He'd been frustrated with Kageyama's lack of sympathy and understanding; he'd never intended for this to happen. Shouyou curls even further into himself, his entire being whimpering as his heart squeezes in his chest. He's pretty sure it's actually shattered because he can feel nothing but stifling terror and crippling sorrow.

It's a different feeling than when he'd been determined to give Kageyama up in the immediate wake of his grounding—knowing he'd be banned from the rookery, he'd been prepared to let the other boy go. He'd been ready to forfeit his place at the avian heir's side and his spot in their unit to see that through. He'd been ready to do whatever it took to keep Kageyama safe and ensure that he had nothing but the best chance to succeed—even if it removed himself from the picture. He'd been ready to lose the person he cared about most even if he hadn't been able to envision life without him.

Now... there's a well of anguish that is so much more painful. The knowledge that his leveler's state is his fault feeds a building self-loathing and the very real fear that Kageyama might die. It's the last thing he wants. Kageyama had saved him from an infinitely lonely future when he'd walked away from the rookery leadership, had reinforced through action that he'd chosen Shouyou over everyone and everything else.