Everything That's Precious

Chapter Twelve: If Words Could Heal

7 months, 1 week pregnant

I had been living only a week in my new apartment when I had gotten the email that changed everything.

Sophia,

I miss you. I miss us. Every day for the past seven months you're all I've been able to think about. You. Well, you and the baby. My baby. Our baby.

I'm so utterly sorry for all that I've done to you. For leaving you, for denying our child, for hurting you. I'm so sorry and I wish that I'd never done any of it. But the past is the past, right? There's no turning back now. I regret walking away every single day.

Being here at school, being out of state (I just moved into UConn), just makes me miss you, want you, and need you more. Every night I yearn to hold you and wrap my arms around you and our child. I just love you so much, Soph. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I can't live without you; these last seven months have proved that. I just want to come home to you every day for the rest of my life. Wake up every morning and see your beautiful face. Go to bed every night with you in my arms. Teach our child to walk and ride a bike. Our daughter. Yes, I know it's a girl. Your mom told my sister and she then told me. I bet she's going to be the most beautiful little girl in the world. She's going to look just like you. Just like her mommy.

I know I probably have no right in saying this since I left you to handle all these difficult decisions on your own, but I want to be in her life. I want to know her and I want her to know me. I want to be her father. I want her to call me "Daddy." I know you have Jared, and I also know that he's been there for you when I haven't been, but she's still my daughter. I'm not trying to be demanding and possessive, but I do have rights to her. She's mine and I want you to be mine, too. I want you, always and forever. I've always wanted you, and it's always been you. You're the only one for me. I'm sorry it took me so long to see that.

I'll do whatever you need me to do. I'll leave school here and go to the local university so I can be closer to you two. I'll get a job. I'll pay child support. I'll do anything. Just please, give me a second chance.

I remember that night, Sophia. I know you probably didn't think I did, but I do. I remember every second of it, just like I remember every second of every other night with you. Making love to you and waking up with you in my arms was unlike any other feeling in the world.

I'm sorry I got you pregnant while we were so young. I'm sorry you had to go through all the pain of all those awful things said to you at school. I wish I could've held you when you cried. I wish I could've done anything to help you cope with the pain.

I know this is all probably very overwhelming for you, and you probably don't know what to say. I'm sure your mother hates me; your sister, too. I'm sure Jared wants to punch in my skull. All that doesn't matter though. What matters is you and the baby. What matters is that I'm here to do whatever you need me to do. Just say the words and it's done. I love you both so much.

Thinking of you always,

Kyle

P.S. I know you've most likely picked one, but I thought of a name for the baby. I really like Hannah. Hannah Jane. What do you think?

I didn't know what to say.

I didn't know what to think.

All I was capable of doing at that moment was staring at my computer screen and re-reading the email Kyle had sent me over and over again. Analyzing ever word. 

I didn't know what to do anymore, what to believe anymore. I knew I wanted to be with Jared and I thought I may be in love with him, but Kyle was the father of my child. Even if he hadn't been here for the past seven months, that fact will never change. We had created a life together and now he was telling me he planned on supporting that life, and I would let him. She was just as much Kyle's responsibility as she was mine. I loved her enough to let her have her birth father in her life. I would never deprive her of that.

The sad thing though was that I didn't think I would ever trust Kyle again. It was just, so much had happened. Nothing will ever be the same. If only, if only. If words could heal, things would be so different. But they didn't.

I guess I was going to have to wait and see what happened.

And, as I began to type a reply, I smiled. I smiled because there was one thing that Kyle had said that was worth smiling about. The name. The one he had come up with for my little girl. Hannah Jane. I smiled because, even though Kyle was the one who thought of it, Hannah Jane was perfect. So maybe, just maybe, words could begin to heal, as long as the words were as beautiful and precious as my daughter's name.