Random thoughts I have

January 5 11:06pm

Late night thoughts with me myself and I

Tonight I just got so bored and I wanted to text my friends but they're all asleep. I should be asleep too but Im not. Any who this is probably not the best idea to put my thoughts (this late at night) on this website but I am super bored.
I just constantly have  the thought that I am about to embarrass myself at any moment no matter where I am. It's one of my worse fears of falling in public or saying something I didn't mean or even think about what I was gonna say. I started gym the other day and for some reason anxiety decided to pay me a visit. I felt like I was gonna trip or fall so hard. My boyfriend is also in that class so I thought I was gonna embarrass myself so hard in front of him. We had to do this activity where you do the opposite of what our PE teacher tells us to do. I felt like I was gonna randomly do something weird and embarass my self so I decided to go to a corner and just sit. :p my friends soon noticed that I sat there and joined me. We just talked until the end of class and then we left. Thank god I didn't die.
I also fear my parents are gonna be disappointed at me if I get a grade lower than a C + I constantly get stressed over different assignments that I forget them the day before there due. Also I get into fights with my mom way to often so I get POed and she gets POed (pissed off) this manly happens because of me and my big fat mouth. I just say what ever sassy comeback I can. One time she rolled her eyes at me and I said maybe if you roll them back far enough you'll find a brain back there.( sooooo original.) needless to say I got in big trouble. I just can't wait till school ends.
Jealousy is another one of my big problems. I get jealous way to often. Mostly because a lot of girls like my boyfriend. I usually don't mind when they flirt with him but lately it's just been bugging me. I don't know why?!?! But this one girl won't stop. But I know I'm gonna be alright in the end. Just all these thoughts just make me sad and anxious. Also most of the time he isn't able to text me which makes me sort of Sad but I know it's not his fault. Back to the topic of jealousy I think I should just stop think of all this.
Smiling is not my favorite. I know people say it's better to smile but I just don't. A lot of my friends think I'm depressed or something cause every day they ask me if I'm ok. One of my friends told me if I want them to stop don't give them a reason to say that. She said just smile. But I don't like smiling cause number one I think my smile is ugly number two I only save smiling for the moments where I'm actually happy. Sometimes I just zone out whenever I'm with my friends. And I end up just randomly glaring at something or someone. And when I glare I usually don't smile.

My art.
People usually like it and ask me to draw them. Somethings I do if I like the person. A lot of my drawings resemble what I feel at the moment. That's all I have to say about my drawings for now.

Scared
I just get random thoughts which make me sad like what if he ( my boyfriend) doesn't like me anymore. Or what happens if I do something so wrong at school. What if I let down my friends?did I do anything wrong to upset my friends? I took advantage of the time I have to spend with him at lunch. I spend to much time on my phone beside with my family. I'm wasting my time. Sometimes I just want to run away from this all.

My house
My house recently got destroyed from flooding. The people who built it are working to fix it but it's gonna take a few months. For now I live in a stupid apartment that I hate so much. Hopefully they'll get done quickly.

It's now 11:38 pm and I think I have said enough sad things to finally get off my chest and plus I'm tired so I'm gonna go to bed now. Goodnight. I'll continue to write my thoughts later.