"I'm sorry Iwa-Chan... Forgive me"
Oikawa feels more anxious and shaky with everyone staring at him, hand still covering mouth. 'What's wrong with me? I just want to see Iwa...' Oikawa thinks as he sits at his desk, blood seeping through white sleeves more and more.
"Hey, um.. Tooru-San? Are you okay? What's wrong with your arm?"
Oikawa doesn't answer the person trying to talk to him. He barely hears the person over the loud ringing in his ears. The stinging in his arm and knee grows, the pain worsening as time goes on, but is so unfocused that barely notices.
'I need more of Iwa-Chan's anti-depressants.. I need more.. I need them I have to have them..' Oikawa's thoughts become restless and inhumane, desperate for more of Iwa's anti-depressants.
~~~~~
The bell finally rang for recess. Oikawa stood up slowly, stepping away from his desk dizzily and using other desks to help along as gets out of classroom, limp in step worse and more noticeable.
Oikawa frantically looks around for his loved one, eyes wide and filled completely with anxiety, using walls to help himself along through corridors, bumping into people as he walks along.
'Where is he... Where is he? Why isn't he here?'
Oikawa thinks, breathing becoming heavy and loud, almost crying when sees his lover up ahead, outstretching his arms for a hug, but Iwa just grabs his hand and pulls his arm up to his face, head jerking back slightly at sudden action.
"Oikawa... What is this?"
"..its just paint... I spilt some paint on my arm in art.."
"Okay..."
"Anyways, how are you? Are you feeling okay or are you gonna chicken out of school again?"
"Don't be a douche, Shittykawa"
"Oi! Don't call me Sh-Shittyk-awa.."
Oikawa gets hit with a wave of dizziness, tripping over feet slightly, shoulder bumping into a wall beside himself, cuts in his arms stinging and getting caught on the fabric of his sleeves.
"Oikawa? What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"..y-yeah I'm fine, don't worry.. Just a little dizzy that's all"
"Oikawa you're not oka-"
"I am! Now just stop worrying!"
Oikawa watches as Iwa steps away from him, looking at Iwa with an apologetic look on his face, not meaning to sound so angry towards.
"I'm sorry Iwa-Chan.. I didn't mean to get angry at you"
"It's fine, I understand if you're a little nervous for that practice match with Karasuno.. Don't worry about it"
"I'm sorry.."
~~~~~
Oikawa walks to the gymnasium with Iwa, trying to hide the limp from Iwa, looking frail and thin, skin still unnaturally pale and sickly, eyes dull and lifeless. Opening the gymnasium doors and walking inside, smiling slightly at the beaming faces of his teammates, trying to hide his arm as he rushes to the change rooms, hoping Iwa will stay and chat with Mattsun and Makki for a bit.
~~~~~
Oikawa locks the change room doors just to be sure no one will come in, putting bag down onto a bench and rummaging around to find apartment keys.
He eventually finds his keys, taking off his blazer and shirt, dropping them onto the ground and looking at his blood stained arm and the many cuts up his wrist. Oikawa starts to dig the keys into the most prominent cuts on wrist, making them deeper and bigger, crying a little, eyes stinging, nose slightly red amongst his pale skin.
~~~~~
After Oikawa feels as if he is done worsening his cuts, he gets changed into his volleyball clothing, putting on his knee guards and such, ignoring blood dripped across floor of the change rooms and his arm that is completely stained red.
He unlocks he change room door and walks out, blood dripping from the tips of his fingers but doesn't care, continuing to walk to the nets despite Iwaizumi trying to get his attention, Oikawa just shoves Iwa away and waits for everyone else so they can start practice.
~~~~~
Oikawa starts to give everyone orders as to where they need to stand for a friendly practice match amongst each other, like usual. He serves the ball, but the serve is extremely weak as to how he's usually serve, a small smudge of blood on the ball.
Oikawa begins to play like he would any other day, grunting slightly whenever the ball hits the cuts on arm, a new spot of blood appearing on the ball every time that it's passed to himself, new drops of blood on the ground as well, but takes he no notice.
Oikawa tries to make sure Iwa isn't concerned for despite having a red stained arm, noticing his teammates become unfocused, and can feel stares of teammates burning through, snapping, and not bothering to bump ball up or set the ball when it's passed to.
"Stop.. Staring at me..."
Oikawa sounds weak and frail, yet strong and powerful at the same time, glaring up at the other teammates, blood still dripping from fingertips.
"Oikawa, I thought that was paint"
"It is paint, Iwa-Chan. Stop worrying"
"Oika-"
"No. Just leave me alone"
Oikawa leaves to the change rooms, locking himself inside and sitting down on one of the benches, looking at cuts in his arm and the warm blood dripping onto the floor.
"I'm sorry Iwa-Chan.."
Oikawa can hear the voices of his teammates telling him to come out of the change rooms, but starts to dig his keys into the cuts again, going as deep as he can before the pain gets unbearable.
He starts to shake almost uncontrollably, eyes widening, a grin starting to form on his face as if is enjoying the pain, digging the keys into other cuts, going deeper and pulling at the skin at the sides of each cut, blood almost pouring from arm.
Oikawa can hear his teammates kicking on the door, yelling for him to come out, but he doesn't listen. He continues to tear at the cuts, blood dripping onto his shoes and onto the ground, feeling slightly dizzy from all the blood that he's loosing.
He finally drops his keys back into his bag, slowly walking over to door and unlocking, opening the door hesitantly and looking at his teammates with a weak smile, blood still dripping off of arm.
"Oikawa... What- what is that really?"
"What do you think it is Iwa-Chan?"
"..Oikawa... Have you been cutting..?"
Oikawa doesn't answer his lovers question, he just pushes past everyone and starts to practice his serves like nothing happened, blood still dripping, cuts stinging, knee aching.
~~~~~
Oikawa leaves almost an hour after everyone else, even Iwa. He packs up everything on his own before leaving for home, limp the same as before, blood seeping through his uniform more, blood dripping down his hand.
He limps to his apartment, walking inside and rushing to bathroom, frantically pulling Iwa's anti-depressants from the cabinet and taking more, almost finishing whole container, looking through cabinet for any other medication that he can have.
"I'm so hungry.. But I don't want to eat"
Oikawa ends up having the rest of Iwa's anti-depressants, dropping the empty container onto the ground and fumbling out of the bathroom, a few pills left on ground that fell out of his hand, going back to the kitchen, using the walls to help along through the apartment, breaths heavy, huge dark bags under eyes, pupils dilated, blood drips scattered across floor.
Just as Oikawa reaches the kitchen, his legs give out, dropping onto his knees and screaming slightly at the sharp and agonising pain shoot throughout his knee and leg, falling onto side and clutching knee to chest, sweat dripping from forehead, small pool of blood from where cut up arm is.
Oikawa sits up, shaking slightly, pain from his knee still agonising, standing up and using the kitchen bench to help steady, finding a knife again and rolling up his sleeve, holding the knife to upper arm, slicing across skin and watching the warm blood stream from the fresh cuts, making several more cuts across upper arm, feeling the urge to cut anywhere else that he can.
"It's only a little bit of pain... I can handle it..."
