b4 i start this chapter i wanna say thank u for 11k reads (it's back down to 9k cuz i deleted some of the please read chapters abdkns)! i'm also curious to know if y'all would read another haikyuu story but not strictly iwaoi! so itd be more of a universal story with a bunch of different characters rather than just the seijou team! unless u guys want me to just incorporate other characters into this story now? pls lemme know ur thoughts because i'm worried if i start a new story you guys may not enjoy it as much ;; so pLEASE LEMME KNOW DJANXJNAZN
also sori in advance for any spelling mistakes n grammar mistakes ;; also sorry for writing style inconsistencies i literally can't remember how i format previous chapters JABSJS
ALSO TW; MENTIONS OF SUICIDE
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oikawa POV
it's been a few days since i last visited iwaizumi. he agreed to hang out with me today, which i think is nice, that even though i don't remember him, that he still wants to hang out with me and give me the chance to get to know him again
we're supposed to meet at this park not too far from my place at about 11:30, but it's only 8am.. why am i up this early and why am i putting so much thought into just hanging out with someone..?
i sigh, tilting my head down to my right shoulder as i stand in front of my closet, trying to pick out something nice to wear
it's a lot harder choosing clothes from an unfamiliar closet than you'd think..
i reach my hand out and flip through each piecing of clothing, hung up on their respective coat hangers
my eyes flick to a shirt and pair of shorts hanging up in the fair corner, a sports uniform i guess..? i keep seeing it but never think too deep into it. i'll ask about it eventually, maybe..
it's strange seeing a part of my identity i don't remember.. you know- clothes and fashion sense can really define a person, and these are MY clothes, yet it feels like i'm looking at someone else's identity, and into someone else's life
i shake my head slightly, pulling a white, collared shirt, a tan knitted cardigan and a nice pair of faded black denim jeans from their hangers
i'm not sure if it's something i'd wear before all this stuff happened but, it looks nice- i think ?
i throw all the clothes onto my bed and shut my closet door quietly, pausing and staring for a moment
i just feel so guilty still.. hanamaki, matsukawa and especially iwaizumi all seem like they were really good friends of mine, and they're so nice to me even though they must feel horrible
i close my eyes and regather myself, taking a couple deep breaths and turning around and dragging myself to the bathroom, out the bedroom door and to the left through the corridor..
i really hated having to relearn such simple things, like where my own bedroom is in my own house, and like where the cutlery is in the kitchen. it's like i don't even know myself.. and i hate it. i hate it so much to the point i hate living, but i don't want to die either
i lean my hands onto the edge of the bathroom counter and rest my weight. i look like an absolute mess..
i run my hand through my hair and fluff it up and try to make it look at the least bit presentable. at least i don't look as tired as i have been recently..
i splash my face with some cold water to wake myself up, and dry my face with a towel
it's just so strange looking at myself, because i know it's me but i also feel like this could all just be a mind game or i might be dreaming or something and none of this is real..
i feel like i don't exist
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