hi i am sori for no updates i'm super unmotivated and even doe this story isn't super popular the people who do read it seem to rlly like it so ig i'll just keep it running until i run out of steam JAVKAJ i'm sorry this is so all over the place it's currently 5am and i started writing at 4am so i'm sorry if there's any mistakes or parts that don't match up properly ;; i'll edit properly later on! i hope u guys are all staying safe! i'm actually going back to school soon so i won't have time for many updates ;; i'm gonna try make this as long as i can 🥺🥺 pls enjoy! and enjoy the kurodai at da top 💕
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Iwaizumi POV
shit has completely hit the fan. i don't know what to do about it. it's not like you can force someone to remember things that as far as they're concerned, never happened.
i feel like i've become a completely different person. i'm jumpy, my hands start shaking for no reason, i start to feel like i'm suffocating out of nowhere. this isn't like me, i'm not meant to be weak like this..
i've lost count of how many days.. or weeks it's been since i've last visited oikawa. to be quite honest i don't even know if he's out of hospital or not.
i always find myself detaching from reality now. i can't focus on anything, even oikawa.
i wish i could blame him for this, but i really can't. i should be strong enough to not let this get to me, yet here i am. locked up in my room like a fucking idiot, sulking.
i feel so fucking stupid.
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hanamaki and matsukawa have been stopping by ever day. my mother says they just stop by to bring me some food. i never end up eating it though. i've lost my entire appetite. not ideal for a high school athlete, is it?
every day i wake up thinking, today will be different. or that it was all just a dream and he'll remember me. but i know in the back of my mind that's not true.
i regret all those times i was mean to him, or ate his stupid milk bread as a kid. i regret those times i didn't try just a little harder at practice.
i feel like i took his entire existence for granted. i wish i had just spent more time with him without being a total asshole. he knew i loved him right? he knew i would've sold my kidney for him if i had to.. right?
it's not like i can ask him now though..
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i sit at the head of my bed, curled up in layers of blankets, with a pillow stuffed between my legs and my chest. it's comforting. it's like being in a constant embrace. not quite the same but, similar..
my ears ring lightly at the sound of a gentle knocking on my bedroom door. i really don't feel like talking to anyone. i haven't for a while now, really.
i slide down onto my back and roll onto my side, covering my head in the blankets.
it's kinda hot, but nice compared to the current freezing fucking cold weather.
i can feel my insides cringe as i hear the door creak open. the dread of having to talk to anyone, even my own mother, completely floods through my body. i sigh heavily and curl up tighter into my blankets, hoping i can save any extra energy i have left and not waste it on talking to people..
"..hajime..?"
my whole body tenses up, it feels like the breath has just been completely knocked out of me.
that voice..
"sorry if it's a bad time- your mum let me in.. she seemed happy to let me come see you"
that soft tone, the one that sometimes i felt like i heard too much, and now the one i feel like i haven't heard in years.. i missed it, but it just doesn't feel the same
i sit up slowly, pulling the blankets away from my face, but keeping them wrapped tightly around my body, turning myself to face that stupid brown haired boy that i could never get away from, half hiding behind the door.
