Oikawa POV
I think I'm gonna give school a miss today.. I feel like shit, and I'm almost too weak to even raise a finger.. in lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling. My eyes burn from getting no sleep, my lips are cracked and dry and i have pins and needles throughout my body. I feel like I'm floating, like I have no control over my body. I want to throw up, but I can't, I want to eat, but I'm not hungry. What's wrong with me? Why am I so overdramatic over Iwa Chan not being at school for a few days.. maybe it's just a phase.. maybe I'll get over it.. what am I saying.. I can't just get over what Ive done to myself recently.. I regret it all. I feel like I just ruined my body, like it'll never be the same again..
The Karasuno practice match is tomorrow.. I don't think I can bring myself to go unless I want to burden my team.. I just couldn't do that.. I can't have myself feeling like I'm the reason we fail, the reason we aren't..... perfect....
Perfect..
That word.. it haunts me. People think I'm perfect, they think I'm the athletic, handsome young man who flirts with girls and is great academically. But no.. I'm the opposite of perfect.. look at me, lying in bed with slits in my arms and feeling numb from stupidly trying to overdose.. I regret everything.. why can't I just be the way people think I am, why can't I just be good enough? With or without Iwa chan, why can't I just be perfect..?
I feel a warm tear roll down the side of my face, I can feel my lips curving into a frown, my eyebrows furrowing together.. it feels like I've got not control over myself.. I feel like a character in a video game, being controlled by someone who isn't yourself.. I'm letting the world get to me but I cant help it.. I just want to die, I really just want it to be over. Why cant I just make people happy, why cant I just be he person that everyone wants me to be? Why am I such a failure? Why was I even born..?
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It feels like hours and hours have past.. It's like I've forgotten about everything except beating myself down further than I already am. I feel like everything is my fault, I feel like I just burden everyone I feel like I can't do anything right..
I manage to pull myself out of bed and sit on the edge of the mattress, reaching over to my phone and seeing hundreds of texts from my teammates and Iwa Chan. I feel warm inside seeing that people actually care for me but, my sadness overwhelms it all. I still feel useless, and like they only say things to make me feel better, and not because they actually care..
I put my phone down and stand up shakily, my head starting to spin, and my ears start to ring. I shake it off and use the walls and any near by furniture to help me along.. I go out to my balcony and look over the edge, gripping the rail so tight and can see my knuckles turn white. I'm near the very top of my apartment so I'd surely die if I jumped.. that's what I want.. for it to be over.. I can feel my hair blowing in the crisp breeze, my eyes become dryer and my lips crack more.. I wish I had the guts to jump.. but I cant without saying goodbye to Iwa Chan..
I fumble back to my room, tripping over my feet like a toddler who doesn't know their left from their right. I grab my phone off the bedside table and call Iwa Chan, while slowly stumbling back to the balcony, the phone ringing maybe 4 or 5 times before he picks up
"Oikawa? Sorry, I'm not at school again, I'm still sick, but I'll be there for the practice match tomorrow"
"Iwa chan.. I just wanted to tell you.. I love you, and that I want you to always remember me..*
I talk with a crackly voice, leaning over the railing of my balcony again
"Shittykawa what are you on? I'm coming over I'm worried"
"It's okay Iwa Chan, I just want you to know how much I love you.."
"Oikawa, I'm on my way now, im not letting you do anything stupid"
"You're too late Iwa Chan.. I've already done stupid things, things that will probably damage me forever.. and that's why I'm gonna put an end to it.. because I don't deserve to be with someone as caring as you, because I don't deserve the life I have.."
"Oikawa what are you talking about?! I'm only a couple minutes away stay on the line!"
"I'm sorry Iwa chan.."
I stay on the line like he asks, only I take a few deep breaths to prepare myself, looking up to the sky to take one last look at its beauty
"OIKAWA WHAT ARE YOU DOING? IM IN YOUR APARTMENT BLOCK NOW"
"Goodbye, Iwa Chan.. I'll see you in paradise.."
"OIKAWA STOP IM NOT LETTING YOU DO SOMETHING COMPLETELY IDIOTIC"
I turn around to my the door of my apartment and see Iwa running towards me, I give him a soft loving smile before dropping my phone, climbing over the railing and letting go.. I can see Iwa Chan lean over the railing as I fall.. I'm glad.. that Iwa chan will be the thing I remember right before I die...
Iwaizumi POV
I scream and cry hysterically as Oikawa jumps off.. that idiot, how could he.. how could he leave me like that?! All I can see is his body lying at the bottom of his apartment building, a pool of blood beside his head.. why shittykawa.. WHY? YOU BASTARD HOW COULD YOU JUST LEAVE ME?!
I step back from the railing, my tears burning my eyes, my ears ringing so loudly I can barely hear screams from people below who found Oikawa's body.. I knew he was stupid.. but he's actually gone.. he's actually dead.. I never thought he would do that to me...
Not ever...
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DON WORRY THATS NOT THE END WAHAHAHA I STILL HAVE A PLAN DW DW
