I feel like everyone is staring at me
I feel alone
Is Iwa-Chan okay?
I don't know what's wrong, I feel so empty inside, like I have no one, and no one cares for me. But I know that Iwa-Chan would never leave me. Right? What if he finds someone else? Or what if he starts hating me? My arms hurt.. I forget why.. Did I hurt myself at volleyball? Oh well, I guess it's not the end of the world...
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Oikawa POV
I'm walking into school and as usual there are girls whispering and giggling at me, I try to give them a warm smile but it turns out to be more of a frown.. All I want at the moment is Iwa Chan, he's all that matters to me at the moment.
Instead of going to my own class I go to Iwa Chans. I feel kinda sick but I don't matter at the moment because I just miss my Iwa..
I peer through his classroom door and scan the room, seeing people stare at me, but none of those people were Iwa Chan. I feel so empty without him.. I wander around the school on my own, feeling stares on myself but not the usual stares.. more like judgmental stares. I can feel people's gazes stabbing through me like hundreds of small knives. All I want is Iwa Chan.. maybe he's sick, maybe I should text him and see what's up..
I pulled out my phone and texted Iwa chan, keeping my vision locked onto my phone screen. I feel myself bumping into people and hearing the faint yells of people telling me to watch where I'm going, but I don't care. I just feel so alone..
Message Thread
O: where are you? I'm worried..
I: I'm home sick again, someone must've given me another cold
O: cant you come to school anyways? For me?
I: shittykawa, relax, you'll be fine
O: if you say so..
I: okay, don't worry, I'll be back in a few days
I: Oikawa?
I: are you still there?
I: shittykawa you ass why'd you ditch me, you're the one saying you're lonely
I: smh
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When he said I'd be fine.. i felt my heart sink.. how could I possibly be fine without the one person who makes so happy..? It just doesn't make sense. I keep my phone gripped tightly in my hand, I can feel it buzzing as Iwa Chan keeps texting me but I just, cant handle it at the moment..
I go and lock myself in one of the bathroom stalls and sit down on the toilet seat. I put my bag on my lap and start rummaging through it, pulling out my scissors.. I know I shouldn't do this but, I just can't handle being without Iwa Chan.. he's everything to me, and I just don't know what to do with myself without him..
I bring the scissors to my already cut and scarred arms, hesitating a little at the thought of how worried Iwa chan would be if he found out that I'm still doing this..
I run the scissors upwards along my arm, making a small noise of pain. I make multiple upward cuts on both my arms, my warm tears trickling down my face and into the fresh cuts, the salt in my tears making my wounds sting. I feel my heart ache as I feel my phone buzzing in my pocket, but I ignore it. I'm getting blood all over the floor and all over my uniform but I don't care.. I'm too sad to care.. why do people only accept me when I'm with Iwa Chan? Why doesn't anyone like me when I'm just being.. me..?
I lift my head in shock as I hear someone knock on the stall door, hearing an "Oikawa? Are you in there?" Crap. It's my teacher.. he can probably see the blood from underneath the stall door but.. that's okay.. I guess..
"I'm fine, don't worry I just have a stomach ache.."
"Alright, but please come back to class soon, your education is important"
"I will I will"
There's a short pause before i hear my teacher walk out of the bathrooms. I heard worry in his voice.. but I don't care because the only one who matters to me is Iwa Chan..
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I decided to ditch school and just go home.. u can feel my blood dripping down my arms and soaking into my clothes. I don't care. I get into my apartment and walk lifelessly to my bathroom.. I look through the cabinets and see some sort of prescription pills.. it'll do..
I pour a handful of them into my hand and dry swallow them. I almost throw them back up at how foul they taste and how dry they make my mouth. I look up at myself into the mirror and realise how shit I look. I have massive purple bags under my eyes, and you can see the veins through my eyelids, my cheeks look sunken in and unnatural.. maybe this is just because I haven't been sleeping., I've been to worried over Iwa Chan to sleep.. Ive been so focused on my arms and Iwa Chan I forgot about my knee.. I don't even care if it gets infected at this point.. I just want to die.. why am I being so dramatic over Iwa Chan? It's not like he's dead or anything but.. I just can't handle being without him.. he's my everything..
I love him..
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AHHH THIS TOOK AGES BUT HERE YOU GO, IF YOURE LUCKY I MIGJT WRITE ANOTHER CHAPTER TONIGJT BUT I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED IT
