Eventide of a Jedi

VIII

 The brilliant azure blades clash together and the blue light illuminates the betrayal in my former master's eyes. I grit my teeth and push against her blade, trying to use her own weapon against her. It gets dangerously close before a powerful kick to the chest sends me flying backward.

The impact from hitting the marble floor knocks the wind out of me and as I gasp for air I see my master stand over me, her brown eyes ablaze with emotion. "I will not fight you, Septima," Aayla says with pain in her voice. "This is not you. This is not your path."

My heart clenches with anger and it feels as if there is a great fire in my chest. The Force surges through me like an untamed storm, my anger and pain fueling the darkness within me. My master was the person I had trusted the most and she had lied to me, betrayed me. The Jedi had killed my family, lied to me, and indoctrinated me into their delusional order. "You're a liar!" I scream venomously. I jump to my feet and bring my left lightsaber down hard against my opponent's saber and as she pushes against me I use the saber in my right hand to cut up toward her abdomen. She blocks my attack in time but there is surprise in her eyes. Surprise at how far my skills had advanced and surprised that I had executed such a lethal attack against her. A sudden realization appears in her eyes as it becomes obvious that I am fighting with intent to kill. Dooku's laughter fills the chamber.

Warm, stinging tears blur my vision as I press my attack with a passionate bloodlust. I knew how Aayla Secura dueled and I knew she was not using her full potential against me, I knew she was only using defensive maneuvers. She was refusing to treat me as a worthy opponent. "Fight me!" I scream, enraged. I didn't want to feel this pain eating away inside me, I didn't want to believe that my master had lied to me. There was a terrible pain in my chest, an aching where something had once belonged. Whatever peace I had once found among the Jedi was now gone. I was full of pain and had nowhere to put it.

"I will not fight you," Secura says, narrowing her eyes in determination. "You are a Jedi. everything I have done, I have done it to protect you. It's not too late, come back with me Septima. Come home." I can hear the desperation in her voice and I feel a cold pain in my chest. Darkness flows through me like the blood in my veins and my senses are dulled, distorted so that all I am aware of are the emotions the Jedi had forbidden. I feel as if I am drowning in them and the only escape is the power of the Dark Side of the Force.

"You lied to me!" I scream in a shrill voice. "The Jedi are monsters, and you are just as guilty as the rest of them. They took my family away from me, took away my true destiny! The blood of the Sith runs through me. I never have been a Jedi; I never will be a Jedi."

The twi'lek woman looks at me with an expression of resignation, a look of a complete and utter loss of hope. For a second, something stirs inside me but is quickly silenced by the darkness that has assumed control over my entire being. My opponent lowers her weapon, just slightly, but I recognize the opportunity and take the chance to end the fight, once and for all. I use the Force to send the woman flying meters back into the stone wall. Her body hits the wall with a sickening crack and crumples to the floor with a dull thud.

Dooku explodes into maniacal laughter, clapping as if he were enjoying some grand show. "Yes, Septima, very good. Finish her! Fulfill the destiny she has robbed from you."

His words summon an awakening within me and I step forward with purpose to forget my past as a Jedi. My former master looks up at me with anguish in her eyes and I drop my Jedi lightsabers onto the floor.

"Kill me Septima," she says with a new anger in her voice. "I would rather die than see you become this monster. Do it." Her voice is hard and cold. I want her to stand, to fight me as I knew she could, but she refused and it only filled me with more frustration.

Those were the words she had said as she presented the bracelet to me that day. The morning air had been crisp, not like here, and the soft sunlight had warmed my skin. Now I only felt coldness. You are not alone.

I gasp and flinch as if I had been suddenly prodded with a hot iron. I stumble back horrified, grasping my head as if this were all a nightmare I could wake up from. I am aware of my master stirring and I know I had not gone too far. My breathing quickens and my stomach churns as I wake up from the delusional state I had been in. My whole world crashes down on me and I collapse to my knees as I struggle to face the hell I had created. My screams fill the great chamber and echo off the walls as if there were hundreds of tortured souls wailing at once, but I hear none of it. Time stands still and it feels as if I die a thousand deaths.