Eventide of a Jedi

III

"We've received intel that the leaders of this coup are based here, in an old mining facility that has been abandoned for years," General Secura says, gesturing to the holographic map of the sector. New Holstice was a hospital world, and the Mandalorian Protectors were wreaking havoc on what should have been a place of healing. Still, it was a smart move seizing a planet that was so important in maintaining the stability of the Republic. "We will have two groups flank the east and west of the facility, engaging the enemy to distract them as the third group--led by myself and Commander Searsha--will attempt to infiltrate the facility undetected and begin taking the enemy down from the inside. Once we're in, we can deactivate some of the defense systems so that the eastern and western flanks can move in and help seal the victory." The twi'lek general paused and looked around at her soldiers. "Make no mistake, the enemy we're dealing with is highly skilled and incredibly lethal. This will not be an easy battle, and we will lose many great men. But remember that we fight for peace and order, while the enemy only fights for power, motivated by greed. We should be honored to fight for such a cause and our sacrifices will not be in vain if we can ensure the safety of the Republic. We move out at sunset. May the Force be with you all."

The clones salute and then disperse to prepare for battle. I wait for my master as she shuts off the hologram and gathers her things. "What is it, eswo Septima? I sense that you are troubled. It isn't like you to be so nervous before battle."

I had hoped she wouldn't notice, but of course she had, it was impossible not to. She questioned me out of concern, her tone soft and caring. She had addressed me with the Twi'leki title eswo which meant something like "close friend". It wasn't something she would have said in front of any other Jedi besides myself or her former master, Quilan Vos.

"Nothing is wrong, Master," I try to say reassuringly. "It's just that lately my connection to the Force seems murky, or off in some way. Now I feel the presence of the Dark Side of the Force, and I believe my mind is betraying me. You don't feel anything, do you?"

Aayla frowned and I saw the subtle undulations in her lekku that meant she was unsure. "No, my padawan, I sense no trace of the Dark Side. Perhaps there is something in your mind that is troubling you, making you feel false sensations. Be careful when looking into the Force, for the Force looks back. Perhaps...perhaps you should return back to the Temple and clear your mind before returning to battle. You are strong in the Force, Septima, but it is dangerous for someone like you to be having such false premonitions."

My heart sinks when she suggested that I sit out from the battle. Everyone told me that I was strong in the Force, and that I would become a powerful Jedi, but they all treated me like I was a failure, even my own master. Actions spoke louder than words, and from this it was very clear what the Jedi thought of me.

"I'm not abandoning you and our troops. If you still want me to take a break from the war after this battle, then so be it. But I'm not leaving until we see this through," I say sternly, perhaps a bit too sternly. Aayla looks at me shrewdly for a moment, but then nods in approval.

"We need all the help we can get for this battle," my master says, starting to make her way back to the barracks. "But afterward, I want you in the Jedi Temple strengthening your connection to the Force. Remember that you are first and foremost a Jedi, not a soldier. Do not be so eager to jump into battle, Septima."

She turns her back on me and goes to reconvene with the clone troopers, leaving me alone to think about what she had said. It seemed, to me, that the Jedi Order was sending mixed messages. We were supposed to be peacekeepers, yet now we were leading armies into battle. These days I learned more about strategy and military history than I did about the Force or meditation. My questions were usually dismissed and as the war raged on I became more and more confused about the role of Jedi in this galaxy. 

The sun arced across the sky and there was really nothing to do besides anxiously wait for nightfall. I sat on a munitions crate across from Commander Bly who was intently fiddling with his blaster. We had been conversing but, as the sun drifted closer to the horizon, a tense silence had overcome the camp. Trying to ease the stiffness, I joked about beating Bly in a card game earlier but he gave me no response and continued polishing his weapon, giving no signal that he had heard me. Awkward moments pass until the commander finally sighs and looks up at me.

"We aren't fighting clankers here, Sep. These are highly skilled, incredibly intelligent soldiers. I know you just arrived today but we've already lost 30% of our troops, 30% of my brothers. At nightfall we go into battle again and I don't know how many of us will see the sun rise tomorrow." He pauses and seems to think deeply about something before speaking again. "Honestly, I don't know what the Jedi are thinking sending you out here. Padawans are too young to be out here and frankly I don't think it's appropriate. We're lucky Aayla Secura is our general or else we would certainly have already been slaughtered out here."

Conversations like this, between a clone and Jedi, were rare. Clones and Jedi were comrades, but not friends. But Master Secura had a deeper compassion for her men and did not see them as expendable as some other Jedi did. She believed a strong army was formed by strong bonds and it seemed her philosophy had done very well for her soldiers. Bly's words hung heavy in my mind and I don't speak for a few moments, silently honoring the dead in my mind.

"The lives we've lost...it's the price we must pay for freedom. New Holstice is a hospital world and the Mandalorian Protectors have put innocent and vulnerable lives on the line. People are sick and hurt here and they can't be liberated without us, Commander. This won't be all for nothing, we will win. We have you and General Secura, we can't lose."

He chuckles and sets down his blaster beside him. For a moment he looks at me a way a father would to a daughter and then returns to his usual steely gaze. "You'll make a fine general one day, kid. Just wait, you'll be promoted soon enough."

I smile slightly, for one moment forgetting about the war. I think to myself I understand why Jedi can't have attachments, because it makes you forget. It makes you forget all that is wrong with the universe, and once you've found happiness you never want it to leave. In the moment of friendship I had felt with Bly, the sunset had marked the beginning of battle. I always had a duty; a duty to the Republic and the people of the galaxy, and with such responsibility there was no time to waste with petty friendships or human emotion. There was only the Force and the responsibility that came with it.