Survivor

Chapter 22

Shepard
I stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom staring at my own reflection.
I had my dress uniform on, pressed and starched with care and I donned my beret, which I rarely used.
I bit my lip as I frowned at my reflection.
Makeup covered the dark circles under my eyes and made them look bright and alive, which was upsetting considering I was going to the funeral of the man that was like a father to me.
Garrus came behind me and laid a hand on my shoulder, quiet for a moment before he interrupted. "It's time to go, Sam."
I nodded and took a deep breath before I turned to face him.
"You ready?"
I shrugged. "As ready as I'll ever be."
Garrus took my hand into his and pressed my knuckles to his lips before he led me out of the bathroom into the elevator.
He watched silently as I fiddled with my uniform as if I didn't already have it properly fit.
When the elevator reached level five we stepped out into the armory to see everyone waiting for us already.
They all wore somber looks and parted to let Garrus and I pass to the first shuttle, where Cortez had climbed in.
Half of the crew loaded up in our shuttle and the other half went in the second, with Vega piloting it.
We were all quiet as Cortez piloted the Kodiac out of the Normandy, where it was docked at an air station just outside of London.
I couldn't help but watch the screen as it displayed the images of Earth as we passed rubbled buildings that have yet to be repaired and survivor camps that seemed so small despite them being decently large.
It broke my heart still to see my home planet like this.
To see the city where Anderson was born like this.
My throat tightened and I turned my head away from the screen, though that only meant showing my face to Garrus, who had been watching me carefully.
"The repairs are coming along faster than it seems," he tried to reassure me.
I nodded in response but I didn't quite believe it.
It was hard to when the city seemed just as ruined as it had when I was fighting through it.
Garrus nudged my knee with his and pointed to the display screen, which drew my eyes back to it.
What I saw gave me hope.
There were people working hard to clear rubble in the streets, other people worked at the buildings, removing debris and repairing the walls that could be repaired safely.
As we got further in, there were more signs of repair and hope for London than I had seen and slowly, my heart lifted in joy.
Finally, in a clearing that seemed like it used to be a parking lot, Cortez landed the shuttle with many others and shut it down.
"Okay guys, I hate to say it but we're going to have to hike it for the next three blocks. The park where we're burying Anderson is just northwest of us."
We all stood and exited the Kodiac, with Cortez leading us toward the park.
Garrus slipped his hand into mine and squeezed it as my pulse hammered through my body.
The air seemed different than before somehow. It tickled my lungs and made me want to cough, but I suppressed it and kept walking.
It wasn't long before each step sent pain through my body, my still broken wrist throbbing, my semi-healed gunshot wound threatening to reopen, and my eyes aching.
Still, I walked on without complaint, and soon enough, we reached the park where we saw everyone else gathering, some still walking in much like us.
I was breathing heavily, and though I chose to try to hide it, Garrus still cast worried looks my way.
I squared my shoulders as we approached the crowd and Garrus helped me push through first, greeting astonished faces as I worked my way through to the clearing in the center, where I was sure Anderson was.
"Is that Shepard?" I heard someone whisper as I passed.
"I thought she was dead," another whispered.
"No one could have survived that if she was really up there... So maybe she wasn't. Maybe it was Anderson that saved us."
I clenched my jaw and Garrus pulled me closer to him, his mandibles pressed tightly to his otherwise expressionless face.
Finally, we broke through and I laid eyes on the coffin of the man who never stopped believing in me.
I let go of Garrus' hand and he stayed right on the inside of the circle as I made my way numbly through the last few steps to his coffin.
The lid was open, a traditional wood coffin, with Anderson in his dress uniform, eyes shut, hands folded over his midsection respectfully.
My throat tightened and I shut my eyes, tears spilling out.
He seemed clear of wounds, peaceful, as if he were simply sleeping.
I opened my watery eyes to look at his face and laid a hand over his folded ones.
"I'm sorry, Anderson. I'm so sorry. I couldn't save you. You were the closest thing I had to a father and you never, not once stopped believing in me, that we could win this war. I couldn't have done it without you. It was a hell of a pleasure serving with you."
I bowed my head, choking back tears as I finished quietly speaking to him.
A hand was laid on my shoulder, human, but I stayed where I was a moment longer, wiping my face with a tissue before I turned to see Admiral Hackett standing behind me.
"Shepard. It's good to see you, though I wish it were under better circumstances."
I nodded. "Likewise, sir."
"I would like to have a word with you after the funeral. We'll be going to Strike HQ for us all to eat and reunite a bit after this. I would very much like to see you there. We can speak then, when it's more appropriate."
"Yes, sir."
Hackett nodded and gave me a gentle pat on the shoulder.
I gave him a quick nod as he walked away, leaving room for Garrus to join me.
He took my hand and laid his free hand on the closed lower half of the coffin, closing his eyes for a moment as he bowed his head.
I stayed silent, instead turning my eyes to Anderson again, knowing that these were my last moments with him.
After a few moments, I looked at Garrus, who looked up at me with a questioning look.
I nodded toward the crowd and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder to lead me back to the front of the circle.
The crowd parted to the left of us, where a priest came through carrying a large bible, his face grim.
He stood at the head of the coffin and began his sermon.
I couldn't quite listen to him as he spoke of how even though it's painful when people died, they were never truly dead, but I couldn't quite tune him out, either.
"Anderson was a brave soul who saved many, and while his bodily form may have passed, he still watches over us and protects us from his heavenly home, where we will all see him one day."
The priest turned to Hackett and nodded as he stepped back, clutching his bible to his chest as Hackett stepped up.
"I knew Admiral David Anderson since as long as I can remember in my military career," Hackett started as he gazed down for a moment at Anderson. "He was always willing to do what it took to protect Earth, his family, and the friends he cared most about. I would daresay I was one of those friends, and though I would say I wouldn't need his help, he would be there, and the same went for me to him. He was an outstanding soldier who devoted his life to serving our race, and gave his life to help save us all.
Most of all, he was a beloved friend of many. Everywhere he went, he touched the lives of those he worked with and met. He made a difference for many with the open mind and heart he had. He aided Shepard working tirelessly to help her prepare us for the Reaper invasion even as we were unbelieving in this.
Then, he made that final push with Shepard to the beam to destroy the Reapers.
We couldn't have asked for a better soldier, nor a better friend and protector.
I know that he will never be forgotten. He will live on in our memories and in history.
Now, we're forced to pay our respects and say goodbye."
Hackett didn't need to ask for a moment of silence. We were already silent, and as Hackett bowed his head, so did the rest of us.
A couple minutes later, the sounds of old style gunpowder operated weapons clicked to life and our heads lifted in time to see the men aim into the air.
It seemed strange to see this done in silence.
The men fired perfectly in sync somehow still, then loaded the next round before repeating two more times.
This was the first time I had seen them use the old style weapons and do the 21 gun salute in silence.
I glanced at Garrus, who seemed slightly confused but still held his silence.
I gave his hand a gentle squeeze as they finished.
To my surprise, Hackett beckoned me forward, holding four white roses.
I stepped forward to him and he held two out to me.
"I would be honored if you would do this with me."
He sounded a bit chocked up, though he spoke quietly enough that only I could hear.
I nodded and took the roses.
Together, we stepped up to Anderson's coffin and laid a single rose each into his coffin, tucked neatly beneath his folded hands.
We carefully lifted the lid enough to free it from the catch in the hinge and lowered it gently so it shut quietly.
"The crank on the ends will let us lower him. Turn it away from you. I'll take the one at his feet."
I found the crank easily and at Hackett's command, I began turning it, watching as slowly, Anderson was lowered into the ground of the city where he was born.
After he reached the bottom, I rejoined Hackett at the side, where we tossed the last two roses on top of his coffin.
Hackett laid a hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze as everyone began to disperse.
Tears spilled onto my cheeks before I knew it and I gasped for air as Hackett left me, allowing Garrus to come from behind and wrap his arms around me, silent comfort as soldiers began to bury Anderson, working around us.
Garrus laid his head on top of mine as I sobbed, feeling as if someone had just taken my heart out of my chest.
"Shh," Garrus soothed, his sub-vocals making his chest rumble a bit more than a human's. "It's okay. Just let it out."
He unwrapped his arms from me, only holding onto me by my elbows, as I shook my head, but the scream built inside me still.
It started as a keening moan, but it wasn't enough. Soon, it had built to a wailing scream, full of my pain and despair as I sank to my knees, the only thing that had kept me from collapsing was Garrus easing me down. He eased me down to my knees, then further so I was sitting on my legs as I sobbed uncontrollably with Garrus holding me the whole time.
After a while, I pulled myself together enough to look back at him. He wiped the tears from my face with a tissue carefully and almost playfully dabbed at my nose, making me give a weak, wet laugh and shake my head at him, snatching the tissue from him to blow my nose.
"There's my girl," he murmured lovingly.
I smiled weakly up at him as he pulled me to my feet with him. "Thanks, Garrus."
"You know I'm not going to leave you. Especially not during hard times like these. Are you ready to go to the gathering? We can skip it if you don't feel up to it..."
I shook my head. "No, I'm ready. I'll go."
Garrus searched my eyes for a moment before he nodded. "Okay. Hackett left us a Skycar a couple blocks away. The crew left when he did."
"They didn't...?"
Garrus shook his head. "No, they didn't see that."
I nodded and followed him as he took me by the hand, still supporting me as we walked together.
Despite the pain still in my chest from Anderson's loss, I knew I could make it.
For him, for Garrus, and for myself.
I would survive.

((A/N: Okay, I can't help myself! I just had to update early! In celebration of both Inauguration Day and the new cover for Survivor being finished and updated, here it is! The new chapter! Don't worry though, if all goes according to plan, I'll still have a Sunday update coming!
  So about the cover, I hated that the title and other info on the cover was cut off  of the old one and it just made it seem all the less... Exciting? Professional? I don't know, it just took a certain feature out of it, so I decided to make another!
  I hope you guys like it as much as I do!!! I stayed up until midnight or later perfecting it lol
  Anyways, thanks for reading! Don't forget, if ya like my book, please don't forget to leave a vote and comment!!! Until next time!))