Survivor

Chapter 28

Shepard
I woke to the steady sound of the monitors beeping to the beat of my heart.
I looked to the sound of soft snoring to see Garrus sleeping with his head rested on the bed at an odd angle.
I smiled and shook my head at him but I let him be, instead choosing to slip out of bed without disturbing him.
I grabbed my IV stand and turned off the monitor before I pulled the pads off and left them on top of the machine.
I padded quietly past Garrus and into the hall, pulling my hospital gown tightly shut.
Nurses bustled by me, only casting curious glances as they passed.
I figured it would only be a matter of time before I passed one that was in my service, but for now I was free.
Pain seemed to radiate from nearly everywhere in my body, urging me to continue instead of stop.
I couldn't help it. Working was the best way I knew to cope with any kind of pain.
Get shot? Keep running, the Medi-Gel will kick in soon. Lose someone? Work on tactics to do better next time.
It was all work for me, and I didn't know that it could end simply for me.
Ever since I had gotten myself off the streets, it was a 'keep going, don't give up' mentality I trained myself to keep.
Old habits die hard. It was an old saying that still rang true today.
What could I do, though? My military status isn't exactly a known subject even to myself and I wasn't in any condition to fight.
Images flashed through my mind of the night I destroyed the Reapers. Dead bodies everywhere, the chaos on the way to the beam, all the bodies collected in the Citadel...
My stomach turned but I kept walking, my jaw clenched as I worked to rid my mind of the images.
I had to stay strong, had to keep going. If I let myself remember and focus on this, I couldn't tell what would happen.
So I ignored it, choosing to fight battles I knew I could handle.
Reapers were one thing. You can shoot them, you can bomb them, you can throw everything you've got at them.
But my own mind... How do you fight something that's inside of you? That is you? It's a war that's surely rigged for failure.
A nurse passed me then spun around as her eyes widened in recognition.
"Miss Shepard! You shouldn't be up!"
She rushed to my side and tried to ease my weight off myself by my elbow, but I gently tugged my arm away from her. "I'm fine, I just needed to stretch my legs."
"That has to be hurting," the nurse said with a frown.
I gave her a sheepish smile and shrugged. "It does but it hurt in bed, too. I would rather walk it off than wake Garrus to call you guys in."
The nurse's eyes softened. "You mean the Turian in the room? He's been by your side as much as he possibly can be, you know."
I nodded. "I figured as much. He's the one that found me..."
The nurse nodded. "Okay, well I'll let you have a little bit more time but when I come get you, it's time to go into the room. No exceptions. We'll dose you up and get you settled back in so you can heal up."
I nodded. "You have a deal."
The nurse chuckled. "Alright. I have your word, Miss Shepard. And don't think I don't know who you are or who your superiors are... Commander."
She gave me a wink and walked away, leaving my to shake my head at her with a laugh and continue on my way down the halls.
  How was I supposed to come to terms with myself? It was something hard for me to fathom.
  I told myself from a young age that I would give my life in service of the Alliance, right the wrongs I had done on the streets.
  Had I lived that down yet? Have I paid my debt? If I'm still alive, my oath still stands, doesn't it?
  But I gave my life... Twice... Doesn't that count? But what if it doesn't?
  There were so many contradicting thoughts in my head.
  And then there was the man that helped train me to be able to make it through basic training in the Alliance... The man that was like a brother to me on the streets.
  Elias Quinn... I hadn't seen him since I joined up. Last I heard, he had moved onto the Citadel to run an illegal gambling ring. Still harmless crime, but still a criminal...
  I chewed on my lip as my heart ached at the thought of him.
  He had saved me so many times when I had gotten my ass handed to me and even taught me to defend myself and create an escape.
  He had my back, it didn't matter if I was right or wrong. It was how it worked on the streets, but we had our own code on top of that.
  If he was wrong and in trouble, I would have his back and tear him a new one later when we were alone. Same thing went for him with me.
  He was proud of me when I got myself out of there, but I knew he was as sad as I was. We both knew it wasn't likely that we would meet again. Both of us were likely dead by 30, with the lives we chose.
  Now I wondered if he was still alive, if I could find him, and if he still remembered me like I remember him.
  He helped convince the Reds to help me when they found me on the streets at 7, broken and struck with amnesia. I had been a fighter with my life even then, and with his help and a sheer miracle, I lived.
   I smiled at the image of 10 year old Elias grinning down at me with missing teeth when I first woke in a private room clean and bandaged.

  He was my friend from that moment that he grinned at me and told me I looked like hell rolled over.
I had been silent for a year, frightened out of my mind with no memories, but he was my voice and my shield. He was ultimately the reason I even spoke again, too. He was in trouble when I did it. A small group of teenage boys from another gang were ready to beat him to death, had begun already when I ran into their sight despite Elias having told me before hand to stay away. I yelled at them, my voice scratchy and hoarse from the lack of use, but I yelled something that sounded close enough to "stop" for the boys to look up at my panting form in shock.
I marched up to the group and shoved the leader back a step, staring him down. Then the boy laughed and asked if I was the mute. I didn't break eye contact as I nodded and ground out something close enough to yes for him to nod slowly. Then he laughed again.
"Look at that boys! I cured the mute!" He stared at me a moment longer before he waved his finger at me. "I like this one! She's got spunk!"
He crouched down to be closer to my shorter level and grinned at me. "I'll let your little friend here go... If you say you'll consider leaving the Reds for our gang, Zion Greed. It's a bigger gang, better pay, more jobs and ya get better care too!"
I took a half step forward so I was close enough for us to feel each other's breath. "Con...sid- Only..." The words were horribly pronounced and raspy but he grinned, a clear sign he was happy with that alone.

  A hand touched my arm, causing me to draw it back to my chest quickly and spin around to face the person with wide eyes.
  The nurse I spoke to earlier raised her hands and stepped back, looking frightened and concerned.
  I sighed. "I'm sorry. Is it time to go back already?"
  The nurse nodded. "Yes, ma'am. It's been over an hour, actually. Longer than I meant to let you wander but I lost you for a bit there."
  I gave her a sheepish smile. "I didn't mean to go far, I just got lost in thought."
  "That's understandable. Come on, let's get you back."
  I walked with the nurse, both of us silent until we got to my room where she opened the door for me.
  I stepped inside and moved past a still sleeping Garrus quietly to settle back into bed with a grimace.
  The nurse moved to my side and stuck the monitor pads back on my chest before she injected what I assumed were pain medications into my IV line.
  She helped me get comfortable without disturbing Garrus and covered me before she turned to leave with the promise of checking on me in an hour.
  It didn't matter though. I already felt sleepy, my thoughts became cloudy and my eyelids heavy as I drifted off to sleep.
  The last thing I remembered was moving my hand to find Garrus' and holding it as if he were my lifeline.

((A/N: Hey guys! Here's the next update! Don't really have much to say here except for another thanks to y'all for reading this fanfic!!! It's amazing to have such great readers!!
Don't forget that if you like this chapter, go ahead and leave a vote and comment! Feedback is amazing to see! Thanks guys!! Love ya!!! ❤️❤️❤️))