'Relive'

Chapter 1

‘’And as I watched myself drift away, I begged Him to stay, to live again’’

Chapter 1

Life. It starts when two strangers combine their love and passion towards nature. It starts when a happy young women goes to her first sonogram and hears that beat. Or when a worried teen takes her first pregnancy test and seeing it marked positive. It starts when one's lungs and heart join forces to fight against the toughest battle, called life. When someone feels completely free of life. Able to do what the hell he wants with no regrets. When you spend your given time in success. When you find that special someone and spend eternity in love. It starts when you know that your finally living.

Life. It ends when your lungs have failed to suck in the thrust and oxygen from the air and force out the betrayal and carbon dioxide out of your dying body. When you have nothing else to breathe for. When your own army, which you have built from you cells, turn against you and plant a killing disease in your own body. Everyone you had loved and cherished had left. When they had walked on your friendship and scrubbed hate all over your face. When you’re at a point of taking away your life, by your own desperate hands while your mum has left the house to buy groceries. The choice of whether your mum prepares chicken or fish for dinner. Meanwhile, your thinking on whether to drown yourself in your bath tub in your own sorrow or hung yourself in the middle of your bedroom and thinking what you should write in your suicide letter so not to sound a loser but a hero. When you close your eyes for just two seconds and you find yourself dressed in a black dress, unable to move a muscle, there, stiff as a statue in a wooden coffin soon to be lowered down. Lowered down in the deepth of the earth.

Life ends in a split of a second, a blink of an eye. That fast you can't turn back and save a soul. While you're back home laughing with your friends, chugging down beer, thinking ''this is the life'', there's a man, probably just eighteen, fighting for your safety, for your freedom. He gave up his own dreams and ambitions so that you can curse, kill and judge the rest of society. So that you live your life in sin and let him pay your price of which of you deserve.  And as his team mates watch their fellow warrior slowly falling down on his knees, they pray for his forgiveness. As they watch their Friend gasping for air, for survival, an explosion of fear explodes into bright fiery colours. But yet, his heart fails to win on the battlefield and surrender, not in honour though, but in regrets. But as he takes his last breath he thinks of the life he could have had, the women he could have married, and the children he would have loved with all this heart.

  You aren’t alive unless you live it.

***

I had a lot more I wished I had the chance to say but that was all the time I had.  Maybe my time ran out you know, like a game. Game over and you’re out and you’re so angry and disappointed that you lost. Doubting yourself whether it would have been wiser to go with plan B rather than plan A.

I could hear the sirens approaching. I could hear the soft loud cries of the people that gathered. I could hear my heart, yet beating slowly. I felt distant. Away.  I’ve always wondered how I would feel on the edge of life. What would I think - how would I react  -whom I’d miss the most. But I never questioned when it will come. I was too busy thinking about what I should wear in the morning.  I was too busy making everyone happy and not stop and think, what have I done in life?