Secrets are a dangerous thing. You constantly have to worry about people discovering them while if you didn't have the secret, you wouldn't have to hide it. They're so dangerous to tell people. If it's a secret, there must be a good reason, correct? So while you sit in your mind, plotting ways to keep the secret hidden, somehow, someone else finds out. As if the initial worry wasn't enough, you have to worry about someone else telling your secret.
That worry will eat you alive. Sure, you can try to smile and be okay, but it's always there. Nagging at the back of your head. Ready to make you snap. Eventually, you tell someone else. This repeats. Finally, you find yourself questioning how you got into this. Your secret is out, and people are facing you. They try to talk to you. Try to coax you into doing what you've been avoiding this entire time. They threaten treatments. Psychiatrists. Doctors. Clinics.
Every thought in your head is screaming at you. How could you let this happen? You had it so well hidden. You had it under control. You question yourself. You don't sleep. You're too uneasy to see what will happen the next day, now that everyone knows.
They're worried, but you think they're angry. Your sights are distorted. Surely they hate you for keeping these secrets. They ask why you did this? Why you didn't talk to someone? There's no answer. Nothing you can think of. You never thought it would get this bad. You never thought it would come to this. Confrontation.
What choice is there? They're begging you to get better. To let yourself get better. But instead, you do the opposite. You're plummeting. Everything you tried to hide, is in the open. Everyone is worried, but you're too far gone to care. When you're finally at the end, and you have nothing left to hide and everyone's there at your side with tears in their eyes asking why you did this, you finally answer. It isn't the answer they want. They want someone to blame, but there's no one. So you whisper before you close your sunken eyes for the last time:
"Ana gave me no choice."
