Guilt (Shizuo X Izaya)

Chapter 13: Everything Works Out for the Worse

Izaya POV

Nakura was still waiting for Shizuo to respond but my enemy says nothing, his fists clenched tightly. Nakura shrugs and turns back into the room where I listen, paralyzed, unable to think correctly or properly or calmly. I feel absolutely vulnerable. Not because of Nakura exposing my past, of course not. I never once blamed myself for what happened to him, it wasn't my fault. In fact if it weren't for me, he never would've collected enough money to pay back the man he gambled everything to. He learned his lesson never to rely on people for something as serious as money; he should be thanking me, but that isn't the point.

I glance again at Shizuo, my eyes not opening all the way and my vision fuzzy. His expression is impossible to read but I see that his fists are still clenched and he's shaking. The veins in his hands are sticking out and I can tell he's angry. My heart skipping a beat, I try to calm myself down. I am vulnerable to him right now. That doesn't mean I'm afraid, I just know that if he jumps me now there's no way I'll be able to defend myself.

Let him, I tell myself. What's the harm, you've never been afraid of death. Besides, let him prove that he's the monster you know he his. If that'll make you feel better.

There's something that feels wrong about this situation. I don't want to be killed my him just yet; not yet.

"Shizuo, come here," Nakura says.

Obediently, he follows Nakura's orders and walks quietly into the room that overlooks the city. It's beautiful.

"What has Izaya done to you?" He asks sincerely, sitting next to me and propping me up so that I'm leaning against his shoulder. I want to slice him up into bits and pieces with my switchblade but my lack of ability to move hinders that notion along with the fact that I have long lost track of my only physical weapon.

"That's not important," Shizuo says finally.

Nakura brushes some loose hairs on my foreheads away, more gently than I imagined he could've.

"I just don't like him," Shizuo continues. "It doesn't matter. It's a shame what happened with your family..."

He shuffles for a second.

"But you know, it's your own damn fault."

"Excuse me?"

"You're the one that started gambling. You're the one who bet all you had. You're the one who begged that flea for money."

"Shut up..." Nakura says. He sounds patient and apathetic but I can feel him heating up and he's shaking. "He tricked me."

"Didn't you tell me in your story? You said you would do whatever he wanted if he just got the money."

"You're really pushing my buttons, Shizuo Heiwajima," Nakura says, letting out a noise, half laugh half scoff. "I was an innocent teenager and he ruined everything. Making me some sort of puppet..."

Nakura pulls something out of his shirt pocket, something small and white. I can't quite make it out but the scent tells me it's a drug.

"...and using my name for his dirty fucking schemes..."

He sticks his thumb in my mouth, rubbing it along the edge of my lower lip. Despite my disgust, I don't have the strength to fight back.

"You're disgusting," Shizuo growls. "Stop it."

Nakura doesn't stop. Instead he holds up the white pill, a smug expression on his face that masks the irritation and rage that I know he's feeling.

"This is hydrocodone," he says. "Opioid. It's pretty strong, not very serious when take in small doses."

"...so?"

"So~," Nakura sings, taking out a decently sized orange container full of the opioid drug. "I just want you to help with something."

Before anyone could react, Nakura shoves the hydrocodone into my mouth. He keeps his fingers inside until my body takes over and swallows it by instinct. I cough and gag, falling off his shoulder and into his lap.

"Bastard, don't touch him!"

Shizuo has almost cracked, I can hear it in his voice.

"When taken in large doses, some side affects include decrease of heart rate, nausea, confusion, fear, hallucinations, seizures...all those wonderful things."

"I know he's a shit head," Shizuo says. "But I don't care. For whatever reason he doesn't deserve to die now. Not here, not with you, not now. Let him go."

I hate this monster. I hate him. I feel strange. I remember the black liquid oozing through my veins in the white room, seizing my mind and causing paralysis. I'm confused.

It must be the drug.

My mind grows twisted. I remember how he looked at me when we first met, the hatred in his eyes. I remember my amusement which eventually grew to something more. Something I forget. I hate him. It must be hate.

Everything fades. The familiar feeling of relief washes over me.

"I'm waiting." Shizuo warns.

"Fine," Nakura says. "I give up. Here."

Nakura pushes me towards my enemy. Shizuo. This evil monster that causes nothing but destruction. Uncontrollable. My thoughts fumble and burns a bright red. Arms wrap around my waist as Shizuo the beast catches me. The red feeling flows throughout my body, angry and impulsive. Nakura turns and leaves in a hurry, making his way out the door and down a flight of stairs. Shizuo doesn't try and stop him.

"Hey," Shizuo says roughly. "You good?"

Asshole. I jump the monster, hoping to at least pin it down so I can finally end it, but it's too strong. It turns the tables and flips me onto my back, my head slamming into the floor with a sharp thud. I'm pissed. I struggle wildly, flailing my legs, snapping at it, giving it my best glare. I will not give up. I will kill it. This uncontrollable monster which makes me feels so weak; I'm going to put an end to it.