The day they all die

"Can I fall asleep and never wake up?"

?? POV

You know I can't deal with this... So why are you forcing me?

I'm not trying to force you to do anything.. it's just better to do it now rather then never.

Maybe I don't want to deal with it! Maybe I want to stay this way!

Why would you want to stay depressed?!

Because at least I still feel like they are watching over me! At least I still feel like they are here and not 6 feet under!

Why are you acting this way?

You fucking tell me!

What do you expect from me?!

I expect you to let me deal with this on my own terms!

You won't be able to get out of this depression if you just sit there and do nothing.. but I do want you to know.. everything will be okay.. now why don't you put on a smile, and talk to the counselor?

So do you expect me to just be better now?

What..?

Do you really think that after you say "everything will be okay" that my problems will all dissapear? That I'll all of a sudden feel joy again? That my life will be like it was before?

That's not what I mea-

You still said it! And nothing that you say can change the fact that they are dead! You can't bring them back! No one can! I miss them so damn much! And it doesn't help that everyday I'm receiving 10 to 25 e-mails and texts a day asking if "I'm okay" even though I'm obviously not!

I... I'm sorry.. I'll leave you alone...

Fuck.. now I'm left to talk to myself...
I sunk down into the bed I was in. I let myself get enveloped in the comfort and warmth that the blankets had to offer.
As I lay there so many thoughts ran through my mind.. but one thought stuck out, it repeated in my head like a broken record or an echo bounding through a cave. I sat up and looked out to the window of the bedroom. The sky clear as ever, the stars were so bright.. and the moon was full of light and life..

You would have love this.. you always lived gazing up at the night sky and getting lost in each dot of white that twinkled and shimmered, in the calm navy blue blanket that hugs the earth.

Tears began to flood my eyes like a wave hitting the dry sand.. it hurt.. my head was still pounding from the last time.. and my eyes began to burn. But now I didn't care.. pain became my friend over the last few days. It was the only sign that I was given saying I was still alive..
I fell back into the pillow closed my eyes for a brief moment and let the tears slowly make their way down my cheek.
When I opened my eyes again, my vision was blurred and my head aches tremendously... But I found myself okay with what was happening.

Why can't I just fall asleep... And never.. wake up...?

HEY GUYS! IM BACK! sorry I have been gone away a lot. I'm trying I get back into the routine of writing again. (which will hopefully be started tomorrow)
But happy new years! I hope you all had an amazing time over the holidays!
But I would also like to add that I will be adding a new book! It will be a supernatural based book (I haven't seen the show myself but my best friend has so I'll get knowledge from her and the internet for now hehe)
Also.. this book will be coming to and end very soon. I apologize to anyone that still reads it and enjoys it, but it's just getting really confusing and it is all over the place so I thought it would just be better to bring it to an end. Sorry! However I was thinking about starting another book, that has the same general theme to it as this book does, buuuut it would be more in order and it would have a better plot and story line to it.
Anyway... Thank you all so much for reading this (if you read it) and I wish you all nothing but happiness and great memories in the new year! Byeeee!!!