You are the reason .. (boyxboy)

5.heartache

Aarons POV
You know that feeling, when you think your heart was ripped out of your chest and you just want to die. Well i felt like that for a week now.
When Lukas kissed me saturday night i went to heaven. All the emotions that were running inside me were something i never felt before. We were kissing for hours and fall asleep when i couldn't feel my lips anymore. He hugged me close and that was the first night i didn't have nightmares since my mum died. But a nightmare began when i woke up.
I woke up alone. I hoped he woke up before me and i will find him in the kitchen but deep down i knew he left. Daniel told me later that he went home because he didn't feel well, but i knew that was not the real reason. I stayed in my room the whole day with excuse i have to make school homework, when in fact i was just laying in my bed crying. I send him the text that we should talk and that i miss him. He read it but didn't reply.
I was eager to go to school monday morning because i really wanted to see him but Daniel told me he is sick and is staying home. There was this small hope deep down that maybe all of this isn't happening because of our kiss, but it was torn apart when he came to school on wednesday. He didn't ride with us so i didn't even know he was at school until i came to biology class. All the emotions that were running through me when i saw him almost made me explode. i almost ran to the table to sit next to him. He hardly said hi to me and was avoiding my look. I noticed his hand were shaking and i felt how stiff his body was. I didn't know what to do but after i saw he doesn't wanna talk i just stared into the book and waited for class to finish. I hardly held the tears from running and i just wanted to vanish . At the end of the class professor gave us our first assignment in pairs and i knew i shouldn't, but i was happy, because that meant we will have to spend some time alone and talk. But reality hit hard again. He turned to me, his look completely blank and quietly said " i'll do this project alone, since you don't really like biology anyway" and walked away. I ran to the bathroom after that since i couldn't held my tears anymore. I know Daniel saw something was up, he asked me if i was crying and tried to find out what it was but i just told him i just miss my mum.
Thurday was pretty much the same. We were still sitting together at classes that we shared but he was ignoring me. I talked to my old friend Lucy later that day and told her everything. I cried for an hour and she was patient all that time. She asked if she can explain what was happening to the other two and i agreed. Dylan called me afterwards mad at Lukas although he doesn't even know him. He told me he is home alone for the weekend and that i should come. I talked to aunt Sally about it and she agreed. I had to promise not to do anything stupid but she even offered to drive me. I told her i will take the bus and be back sunday afternoon.
So here i was on friday afternoon, sitting on the bus, listening the music and trying not to think about Lukas. I avoided him today at school untill media class where Mr.Blade decided we were the perfect combination to make a memory lane video of senior class.. When he told us that i felt Lukas staring at me like he wanted me to find an excuse why we can't do that. I simply ignored it.

Lukas POV
I can't believe he ignored me like that. Professor just trusted us with the biggest project of this year and Aaron agreed. We didn't talk for days and now this.
I know i screwed up big time. I woke up sunday morning, with Aaron in my arms and instead of enjoying the moment i panicked. I'm not gay. I can't like a boy. I can't do that to my parents. And what would my friends say. I stood up quietly so he wouldn't wake up, took my clothes and the book and left without saying anything.
I lied to Danny and my mum about not feeling well so i could stay home for two more days. I didn't sleep much and all i could think about was Aaron and how he was doing. When i saw him on wednesday i knew i fucked up. I felt his sadness, i saw it in his eyes. But my head kept reminding me that we just can't be together.
So friday night came and i was waiting for Danny to pick me up. We decided to go on a party and although i shouldn't, i couldn't wait to see Aaron again. But then Danny came alone.
"hi, where's Aaron?"
"seriously? you two don't talk the whole week and now you wanna know where he is"
Danny was pissed and i knew it was all my fault.
"oh come on.. we talk.. i just wasn't in the mood for hanging this days.."
"yeah sure.. and that's why Aaron has been crying for days? and that's why he went back home for the weekend?"
Shit, shit, shit..
"he went home?"
"yeah he left right after the school.. he went to his friend Dylan"
Who the f*ck is Dylan? My mind started spinning. I didn't like the thought of him spending a weekend with someone else. I knew i had no right to be jealous but i was. So when we finally came to the party i drank a few shots straight away. I wasn't really in a mood to party and i couldn't stop thinking about Aaron being with some other guy. And when i was snooping arout his facebook page later i saw that he published a selfie with this Dylan guy..hugged..I was mad, my heart nearly explode. I didn't know what else to do so i drank. And that was the biggest mistake ever. I woke up next morning in a bedroom that wasn't mine. I knew right away something was wrong. I turned around to see Emily sleeping next to me. Oh boy i was screwed.. I had no idea what the hell happened.. but i knew whatever it was, wasn't good. I stood up and almost ran home.
Later on, Danny told me i was super weird last night. That i was talking about some picture the whole night. He said he really wants to know who is the girl that made me so jealous..yeah right..girl..
I asked him why he didn't take me home and he said i disappeared in the middle of the night. He wasn't thrilled to hear i woke up next to Emily since it took me nearly a year to calm her down the first time. After that, i checked facebook again. And when i saw what Aaron wrote i wanted to die. i closed my eyes for a second and hoped that i didn't see it right, but when i looked again it was still there: *i'm in love*
How could he move from me to someone else so fast?? How could he?
It took me a while to calm down. I so needed to talk about it with someone but i didn't have the guts to tell anyone about my feelings for Aaron.
Later i texted him:
>we need to start planning our media project. come to my house tomorrow evening. i'll order pizza.<
I knew he read it and i was nervously waiting for his answer. He started writing but stopped. I watched the writing bubble like crazy and it looked like he changed his mind a few times before i got the answer.
>fine<
Fine? that's it?? I realized he must be really mad at me and i had exactly one day to put myself together and fix this.
I took a shower to clear my mind. I knew what i have to do and i didn't like it.
I had to talk to Emily first. And when i came to her house i was nervous like hell. I needed some answers and she was the only one that could give them to me. In saw she was really glad to see me and she invited me in but i insisted that she comes out to talk.
"Em i need to know how i ended up in your bed?"
"you wanted to come home with me " saying that she didn't even look at me and i knew that wasn't true. But i had to play nice."look i know you still like me and i know this is not easy for you but i need you to be honest. You know why it didn't work between us and i'm sorry for not being nice afterwards but please can you just tell me the truth."
She finally looked up and i saw her eyes were wet already "you were sitting outside at the party alone and completely waisted. When i came near you started bubbling about being an idiot for not being honest and that you are sorry. I thought you were talking about us.. i knew you weren't able to go home alone so i offered you to come to my place. But when we came to my place..you started crying.. you told me you don't know what to do and that you made a huge mistake and hurt someone..that's when i realized you weren't talking about us.. so nothing happened..you fell asleep when you finally calmed down"
"oh..ok..i'm sorry you had to witness that"
She stepped closer and looked at me still sad "i know now we will never happen..i get it now..but Lukas whoever it is that you care about you need to let this person in..be honest..i'm sure whatever you did can be forgiven "
I hugged and thanked her for telling me the truth. I still knew that was only my first step..
Danny was next and i knew it is not going to be easy.

Aarons POV
Spending time with my old friends was the best idea ever. We didn't do much during the weekend. We stayed at Dylans house. They wanted to know everything that happened so we ordered pizza opened a bottle of wine and then they listened. Girls thought i should try and make him jealous and they made me publish a pic on facebook with me and Dylan. I thought it was stupid but did it anyway. We had fun later until i got Emilys text that Lukas is finally realizing they belong together and is coming home with her. That hurt like hell. I just wanted to close my eyes and never open them again. I fell asleep after crying for hours. When i woke up next day girls admitted to do something stupid. The showed me what they published on my fb profile. I didn't eve care anymore. When i got the text from Lukas later there was so many things i wanted to answer but decided to just agree. I had exactly one day to prepare myself. I decided to finish whatever happened between us, before he completely destroys me.