Strings Attached

Chapter 3

Castiel skips lunch the next day. It's his new resolution; there's no point in it. Castiel won't mind feeling hungry; he's used to the feeling from all those other times he's had to skip due to his fear of bullies.

Instead, he goes straight to the band room. He passes the band teacher, but they don't really acknowledge each other. Castiel is grateful for it; he doesn't want anyone to notice him, ever.

Castiel grabs his guitar and sits down, just as he does every day. Knowing he has more time because he skipped lunch entirely, he decides to try something new. He plays around wth chords for a few minutes, trying to figure out how to play a certain song. Finally, he decides he's getting close and tries to test it out, singing softly as he strums the strings gently.

"Once I rose above the noise and confusion, just to get a glimpse beyond the illusion. I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high. Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man. Though my mind could think I still was a mad man. I hear the voices when I'm dreaming. I can hear them say 'Carry on my wayward son. There'll be peace when you are done. Lay your weary head to rest. Don't you cry no more.'"

But Castiel can't do that. There won't be peace when he's done, because it will never be done. He will always, always have someone picking on him. He'll never get away from it, and that just makes him want to cry, to make him lay his weary head to rest so he doesn't have to ever again.

He wishes he could just make it all stop. He wishes he could just end his suffering, to just get away from all of this, forever. It wouldn't take much; a couple deep cuts, a simple plunge of the knife into the right place, and it would be done. He's almost done it, too, many times. When he's at his worst, after a long day of having to deal with his classmates' torture, he's almost done it, and there's only one thing that's stopped him.

What if he failed? What if he couldn't do it, and someone found him? What would happen then? His family would freak, that's for sure. As if their pity wasn't bad enough now, he'd have to deal with that times a thousand if they knew how he really felt. And it would only make thing worse at school, when they realized they had so much power over him.

Castiel lays his guitar flat in his lap and buries his head in his arms on top of it. He wishes he didn't have to worry about it. If only there was some foolproof way to end it for him, but if there is, he's yet to find it. Maybe one day he will. Maybe.

After a few minutes, he feels a hand on his back. Castiel sits up immediately, his muscles tense as he looks around for who that was that touched him. It's Dean Winchester. Go figure. He's watching Castiel with the same expression his family always wears when they see him, and he doesn't want to have to deal with it. He buries his head in his arms again, hoping Dean will get the hint and leave.

"Are you okay?" Dean asks.

Castiel's only response is the tear rolling down his cheek, hidden from Dean's sight. Of course, it's clear that he's crying; his body shakes with every sob.

"What's wrong?" Dean asks, kneeling next to the other boy.

Castiel doesn't say anything. He can't say anything.

"Talk to me," Dean insists. "Do you want me to get a teacher? Or the nurse, even?"

"Go away," Castiel manages to get out. "Please."

"You want me to just go?" Dean repeats. "I can't leave someone like this. Even you."

Castiel doesn't take offense to that like most people would. He's actually sort of honored Dean cares enough about him to want to stay, even though he would rather the boy go.