Strings Attached

Chapter 9

Castiel wakes up in a blindingly white room. Is this what heaven looks like? God knows how he would have made it to heaven, but maybe...

He opens his eyes completely and looks around. No, it's a hospital room. He didn't do it. He didn't make it. He's still alive.

"Oh my god, Castiel!" Gabriel gasps, suddenly appearing by his side.

Castiel turns his head to the other side, not wanting to look at his brother. He knows he'll see nothing but pain in his expression.

"Is he awake?" Anna asks hopefully.

"Yeah," Gabriel replies.

Suddenly, Castiel is vaguely aware of a bunch of people standing next to him. He doesn't look at any of them.

"Castiel Novak, what were you thinking?" Chuck demands.

Castiel knows he can't give his father a satisfactory answer, so he doesn't say anything.

"You scared the crap out of us!" Lucifer adds.

"Why?" Samandriel asks Castiel sadly.

Castiel closes his eyes, ignoring them to the best of his ability. This is what he always feared. Trying to end it, but failing. Having to deal with their constant worry about him, as if it wasn't bad enough before. 

"Castiel, talk to us," Samandriel pleads.

Castiel doesn't.

"You should have told us things were this bad," Michael adds. "You shouldn't have..."

No, he shouldn't have done this, he agrees. He should have tried harder.

"I'll go get a nurse," Chuck volunteers.

Castiel knows a lot of the nurses by name from his numerous visits to the ER. This nurse is Tessa, he recalls. Tessa kicks everyone out of the room when she and Chuck return, and Castiel is stuck answering questions. Great. Because that's fun. Not.

"What happened?" Castiel asks when she's done with her exam.

"What do you mean, sweetie?" Tessa asks sweetly.

"Why am I still alive?"

She explains how he must have fallen unconscious from the blood loss. His body hit the floor with such a loud thud, someone heard it from downstairs and called 911. If they hadn't gotten there so fast, he might not have survived.

"Thanks," Castiel murmurs, resting his head on the hospital bed again. He looks up at the ceiling. Who called 911? And how did they know he needed help? And, more importantly, why couldn't they just leave him alone?

The Novaks file in again a few minutes later. Castiel looks away from them, unable to look at their sympathetic stares.

"Castiel, talk to us," Gabriel begs, his voice breaking. "Please. We want to help you. We can't lose you."

Castiel doesn't.

They keep asking questions, and Castiek keeps ignoring them. He doesn't want to talk to them. He doesn't want to admit his failure.

After a few minutes, footsteps approach again, but Castiel knows no one left the room.

"Sammy," Gabriel says softly, and Castiel can only guess he runs over to give the boy a hug. He can hear Gabriel sobbing. Why is Gabriel upset? Castiel should be. He's the one that messed up. If only he had moved the blade a little higher, he might not have to deal with this.

"Who're you?" Anna asks.

"I'm Sam," he introduces himself. "Gabriel's friend. And that's my brother, Dean."

Dean is here? And this day just keeps on getting worse and worse. Once one of the jocks know, word spreads like wildfire. Now two know? Why? And why did Gabriel decide to call his friend? Why is he here? Castiel doesn't even know him, and he certainly doesn't like his brother. Why does Gabriel need to moral support right now?

Why couldn't Castiel just get it right the first time, so he didn't have to deal with it?

No one speaks for a long time. Eventually, Castiel must fall asleep, because when he finally turns his head, his neck stiff from not moving, there's only one person in here. Dean. Castiel looks away quickly, but not before Dean notices he's awake.

"Castiel," Dean says softly.

Castiel doesn't answer.

"Cas," Dean says. Cas? No one calls him that. "Cas, hey."

Castiel remains silent.

Dean walks up to him, and Castiel closes his eyes to resist the temptation to look over at him.

"Cas —"

"Go away," Castiel murmurs, still half asleep.

"But —"

"Please," Castiel pleads.

"I'm not leaving you all alone," Dean says stubbornly. "

"Why not?" Castiel asks. "I'm used to it."

"Well, you shouldn't be," Dean replies. "No one should have to be alone."

Castiel chuckles weakly at that. "Funny how no one cared before."

Dean sighs, not sure how to respond to that. "You realize you have a whole group of people that care about you, right?"

Castiel doesn't answer. He doesn't want to have to say it out loud, because he's told it to himself enough. They only care because they're family. They have to care.

"Cas —"

"What time is it?" Castiel interrupts.

"About midnight, little later," Dean replies.

Oh, a hospital with no set visiting hours. Great. Just what Castiel wanted. Not.

"Go home," Castiel instructs. "You have school tomorrow. Get some sleep."

"Then I'll sleep here," Dean replies. "But I'm not leaving you, so stop asking."

"I don't want to be the center of your joke and I don't need your charity," Castiel snaps. "Just leave me alone."

When he doesn't get an answer, he assumes Dean leaves. What he doesn't realize is that Dean stays there all night, sleeping in the uncomfortable hospital chair so Castiel doesn't have to be alone. But Castiel won't know this, because by the time the boy wakes up again, Dean is at school. And, fortunately, Castiel is not.