crashlanding [poetry]

feelings suck.

feelings suck.

why do we have hearts?

to splash into our innards when we see our crush, make us babble like an idiot when we try to speak?

to worry that you're not good enough, never will be for anyone, not even for that person you saw on the street at the bus this morning?

to bleed as if ripped from the body when a loved one is lost?

to marinate the brain so badly that you are all but trapped in your own emotions, forgetting how to think

but why must we feel?
why do we have to worry about anything?
why can't we just think?
or better yet,
forget.

i wish i could be like a machine.

no pain, no loss, no heartbreak. no need to turn your sorrows into gold, because you won't have any sorrows to begin with.

but, well, you won't feel anything.
you'll just
be.

what's it like, then?
to just
be?

sure, there won't be any
internal screaming while your crush flirts with your best friend
or the pangs of a wound opening up
at the memory of death,
or even everyday worries about life itself

all that will be gone

but how about the
giddy sparks that make up a whole explosion
when your crush says a word to you?
or the sweet memories you shared with
your loved one
before the harsh knock of the coffin?
what about the little things in life?
laughing with a friend until your sides give
way and you've fallen on the ground?
a book by the fire
a nice and scary one
to make you feel all chilly inside
eating peanut butter on a spoon
straight from the jar

all of that will be gone, too

maybe
we should accept the bad
with the good

because the sun
isn't gone
when the moon
blocks it out

it comes out again
sooner or later

so i suppose, it's not about anxiety and depression

but it's not about rainbows and butterflies, either

but rather how you get back up on your feet

after the world knocks you down

or pulls you too far up

;; old poem i made a while back and decided to publish v.v