So we decided to keep it a secret from our family until we were out of the first trimester. So we have 3 weeks until we can announce anything. We proceed with our lives as normal as possible cause lord knows this is the last bit of normal we will get. My baby started working more hours & is still going to practice. He tells me everything we need will be gotten before the little prince or princess makes their arrival. In all reality I'm terrified. I don't know how to be a mother and he doesn't know how to be a father. What if we fail? What if i cant finish school? J has a huge chance of getting in the NBA with his skills on the court. I don't want him to think i ruined his life. I feel like he wouldn't tell me if he felt that way. Im my own way I'm not even sure i want to be someones mom yet. Call me selfish but I'd rather realize it now then when its too late. I know its the consequences of my actions but damn. I just really am unsure. I love this baby and i love it more because its OURS. but I'm not certain on if I'm becoming a mother or not. Me & Ivy have small talk about the pregnancy but honestly I'm just winging it. I know i have options but I'm not sure how Julian feels. He's excited to have a little him come into this world and i don't want to crush his spirits. I told J i need a few days to intake everything. Ill call him at the end of the weekend. He says okay and i find a series to binge watch all weekend on Netflix & surround myself with snacks & food. And a quiet moment to get my thoughts together. As much as i thought i wanted to be alone come Saturday J was over with his playstation & we were laughing , joking, and gaming before i knew it. We needed to live like two normal college students before our lives got completely flipped upside down.
